Added someone from work on facebook and they haven't accepted...

[GirlAfraid23]

So I've started a new job and I was on facebook the other night and someone I work with came up at the side.
I added because I thought I may as well, because we are similar ages and thought we could be mates outside of work maybe too.
Anyway fast forward a few days and they haven't accepted me. I'm starting to panic now as I hate people disliking me or feeling I have done something wrong.
I really wish I had added this person now :(

[Sparkle1984]

I know exactly how you feel. If I add someone on Facebook and they ignore my friend request, or if an existing friend deletes me, it makes me feel insecure. In my old job, I added lots of people on Facebook and most of them accepted. There were a few people who ignored my request, but I try to rationalise it by thinking that they probably don't want to be friends with people from work. Some people like to keep their Facebook profile only for people they know outside of work, possibly because they don't want to mix work and pleasure. For example, if someone is often posting statuses saying they hate their job, they wouldn't want their colleagues to see it.

If you are very new to the job, the person probably won't know very well yet. It may take them a few weeks before they feel they know you well enough to be Facebook friends. I'd say try not to take it personally, even though it's very difficult. This sort of thing used to worry me quite a bit, but nowadays I try not take it so personally.

[Madgirl12]

Oh God, that happened to me not so long ago. I had a huge crush on a guy at my new job, so I added half the folk from work, including him, to my friends list. I didn't really care about having the rest of them there, I just wanted him to add me. And he was the only one who didn't accept my friend's request! It was very odd, I had a feeling he liked me too, as he was always staring at me (maybe in horror :scared15: ) and he'd added lots of work people himself so it wasn't as if he wasn't into adding work folk. I spent AGES obsessing over it, I even retracted my request and sent him another one, which was also ignored. He's now seeing one of the other girls at work and I no longer fancy him.

I can laugh about it now, but sometimes I wonder why he didn't accept me. :wacko:

Anyway, try not to worry about it :)

[Worrychick]

I have lots of friends who just like to keep work separate from social life; mainly so they can have a moan or even a relationship without their colleagures knowing all the details, so don't take it personally. x

[sophieunderscore]

Remember as well it could just be they don't use Facebook very often :)

[HeadInAJar]

Facebook tends to bring out the worst in people Ive found. Someone from highschool added me which made me happy. I sent them a message trying to catch up and never heard back from them. I found that infuriating and took them off my list after awhile. Now I only keep people on it who i do see/talk to regularly.

[GirlAfraid23]

The thing is, they already have some people from work on there so obviously it isn't because of keeping work and home life separate.

I'm just paranoid that it will be awkward when we go back to work next week between us! Do I just act normal or what?!

[Annie0904]

Just act normal, it is probably just because you are new and once they get to know you they may add you. Try not to take it personally. xx

[GirlAfraid23]

I just feel like a complete idiot to be honest and I hate an awkward atmosphere :S I had that in my last job and I don't particularly want it again

[Annie0904]

I know exactly what you mean because I always take things personally but really we shouldn't. They may not even have noticed the friend request yet. I am not sure if I would accept a request either from someone I hardly knew and would probably leave it there a few weeks until I got to know the person better. Try not to let it get you down and don't let it upset you. That's the worst thing with anxiety, we let the littlest things upset us. Just try to forget about it and just go to work as normal, I am sure you will feel better about it later. :hugs::hugs: xx

[GirlAfraid23]

I hope so, at the moment I'm feeling pretty embarrassed to be honest.

[blueangel]

I have lots of friends who just like to keep work separate from social life; mainly so they can have a moan or even a relationship without their colleagures knowing all the details, so don't take it personally. x

Absolutely. I make a point of never having any friends on Facebook that I work with currently (ex-work colleagues are OK though), as otherwise I just feel as though I have no privacy at all.

[GirlAfraid23]

Absolutely. I make a point of never having any friends on Facebook that I work with currently (ex-work colleagues are OK though), as otherwise I just feel as though I have no privacy at all.

This person does have other people from work on their facebook though!*cringe*

[Annie0904]

This person does have other people from work on their facebook though!*cringe*

The other people from work they will have known for much longer...it hasn't been long, give them chance they may accept it soon. :hugs::hugs:

[Emma86]

I take things way too personally on things like facebook, its really sad and I know I shouldnt. If someone deletes me I spend ages wondering why, if someone doesnt accept my friends request I wonder why, whats wrong with me!
My ex recently changed his profile picture to just him and it got so many likes, when he changed it to one of us when we were together, it go no likes. I spent ages being upset about that! Stupid I know. :(

[Sparkle1984]

I used to have an app which would tell me when someone deletes me on Facebook. In most cases it would be someone who I hadn't met for ages (such as a former colleague or someone I knew from school), but I would still obsess over why they'd decided to delete me, and why at that particular time. I recently uninstalled that app - I figured that if someone deletes me and I don't notice their status updates are missing, then I don't need to worry about them.

[Edward_1980]

I'm like this also. If I see someone has deleted and blocked me (A childhood friend that I grew up with blocked me last week) I go into panic mode and obsess about it wondering what I did wrong.

[anxiousmal]

I wouldnt worry about it. Its only facebook.

Look at it this way though, if they dont want to accept your friend request, do you really want them as a friend in the first place????

Anyway, if someone added me to facebook, it could take me weeks/months before I accept the request. I just dont think Facebook is that important, and maybe this is how this person sees it.

[Tessar]

i've been there & done this whole debate. i've had requests that havent been answered in months, but it doesn happen. Another one was my sister-in-law suddenly disappearing from my account (after berating myself, thinking she didnt want to know me bla bla bla, i discovered it was nothign to do with "me", she had deleted her whole account!)
i'm with the "may not even have noticed the friend request yet" way of thinking. seriously it may be absolutely nothing. i remember texting a colleague at work about something on a saturday & not getting a reply. because i was having a bad patch, i automatically thought "she obviously doesnt like me" and "i am just too much hard work, she doesnt want to be my friend" "i got too close to her and now she's running away just like everyone else" and so on..... turns out, she was away for the weekend so hadnt seen the message til monday morning.
the mind is a powerful thing; best to carry on as normal and distract yourself with other POSITIVE things in your life. how about your current friends on FB? also people you meet with face to face that you get along with and who make you feel ok about yourself. best to focus on something positive eh?

[GirlAfraid23]

I know what you guys are saying and it makes sense but at the same time an overwhelming part of me is saying: Its going to be weird and awkward at work on Monday, plus I will probably struggle to put it out of my mind :( I'm so anxious about it, I'm worried this person does actually hate me

[Tessar]

GA23, She wont hate you i'm sure. There is nothing wrong with the friends request. She may even be touched in a nice way! It is a compliment after all.
I think what's happening is each time you go back to thinking about it, you're going deeper into the negatives. One thing for certain is 'spending time thinking about this is not going to change the outcome', it is not. It will make you feel worse though....
.....soooo, rather than focus on this til Monday, making the situation worse & worse - hows about finding some things to distract yourself? Something nice; something you like. Be nice to yourself. Focus can work wonders, really it can. You need your mind OFF THIS.... any time you start thinking about it yell "STOP" (in your head, unless you are somewhere you can yell without attracting undwanted attention!!).
I do sympathise but c'mon give yourself a break. You havent suddenly become some bad person. She is NOT going to hate you!

[Rain]

Hi Girl Afraid,

On the 6th of February this year you wrote a post saying you wanted recommendations for fiction about mental illness. I sent you a friendly PM straight away mentioning a book I thought you might like, and giving a few words of encouragement. You did not reply.

I mention this not to have a go at you but to show that the internet is a fickle medium. You didn’t feel like replying to me so you didn’t. It doesn’t mean you hate me or that you had any big reason for not replying. You just didn’t feel like responding. That was your prerogative. Nobody died. It’s just the internet. Not real life. This lady has done exactly what you have done, and she probably hasn’t given it any more thought.

I hope this lends some perspective to the matter.

[nomorepanic]

Someone added me from a previous job whilst I still worked there and I didn't want to add her so I didn't! No big deal about it. I didn't hate her at all. We don't have to add everyone that asks to be our "friend" on FaceBook. I would just forget about it.

[Corona89]

I wouldn't worry about it. I had a good few people from work try to add me and i just blocked them. Not that I disliked them or anything but some people just like to keep their work and social lives seperate.

[fozzy is crying]

I always advise people if the insist on using Facebook to be aware it is a very dangerous site with many security problems.

This is the latest of an almost daily reporting on it.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-20180229