View Full Version : Freaking out about crush on coworker
Hi guys! I am in a 1.5 year long relationship with a wonderful man. Unfortunately I am currently struggling with ocd and anxiety, which makes me depressed and numbs my feelings towards him/makes me irritable around him a lot.
Another problem is that I think I have developed a crush on a coworker.
I have discussed this with my boyfriend and he seemed fine with it, saying we are human and will find others attractive no matter what. So I should be fine, right?
That's what I thought.
Then I entered this "numb" stage where it just feels like the spark is gone in our relationship but I don't want to break up.. Afraid I don't love him, afraid I'm not attracted to him, afraid our relationship isn't going to work out because I'm always freaking out and making myself miserable... Blah blah blah.
And then I develop this crush on a guy who is not drop dead gorgeous and could quite possibly even be gay. Part of me kind of laughs it off because I know I would never cheat on my boyfriend, but the other part freaks out saying "why do I get sweaty palms/nervous butterflies around this guy but not with my boyfriend!"
Is this normal? Like, to develop crushes in relationships? I feel terrible, like I am cheating or that this is just further proof that we are not supposed to be together. I don't know what to think anymore.
Okay, I was literally about to leave a post about the same thing. But I'm in THE EXACT SAME POSITION AS YOU RIGHT NOW. I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years and until around 2 weeks ago, I was obsessed with him. I absolutely loved the bones of him (I know somewhere that I still do.) But last week, I had a panic attack and thought 'what if I don't love him?' and I sort of feel so numb.
I used to see this boy years ago, and he walked me home the other night and I'm terrified I like him? I'm so confused by it.
I think we have a case of ROCD. I think that all of this is our anxiety being the absolutely annoying soul that it is, it's trying to numb us from all the happiness in our lives, just so that we don't get hurt. Isn't it obvious that we love our boyfriends, otherwise why would we be so scared about stupid little things such as this?
How do you feel when you're with your boyfriend? Hopefully we can help each other get through this :) because it's obvious our anxiety/ ocd playing games on us and we can overcome it together! :hugs:
Thanks for replying!
Before this numbness came along, I usually felt great when I was around him, comfortable with an underlying anxiety about the thoughts. But now that I am numb, even though I want to be around him I don't feel that connection like I used to. Which really worries me.
I feel the exact same. My biggest worry is that it's never going to come back. All I seem to ever do is google and google, but it has helped me a bit; it seems a lotttttt of people are going through this. I got terrified that I was depersonalised, to an extent, i think I am a bit!
It's good that you recognise 'before' and 'after' you're anxiety, it shows us that it really is just our anxiety! I always feel really nervous around my boyfriend now, like I'm trying extra hard to love him or to show my love :( have you ever thought about leaving him? The thought of leaving my boyfriend makes me want to cry.
Yes, I have thought about leaving him; more so since the numbness and depression started. I have even talked with him about it. It broke his heart.
I just feel that he is such a good man, and he doesn't deserve to be treated like how I am treating him.
Are you seeking counselling? Cbt? Are you on any meds? Are you scared? Do you feel like you truly love him? You're not doing anything wrong here, it's what anxiety does to people. I've told my boyfriend too and I think he understands completely, I'm sure yours does too, but it's obviously upsetting :(
I am not doing CBT, for some reason it's very difficult to get treatment for OCD here in the states, I practically had to convince my therapist that I had it after weeks and weeks of researching.
Also I can only see her once a month, for reasons I am unsure of.
I am on Zoloft but it doesn't seem to be helping much.
As to your last question, usually the answer would be "yes, yes a thousand times yes" but since this numbness hit I feel like I really don't know anymore.
I worry, do I love him like I used to, is he still the love of my life, or do I now love him just like a friend?
It's easier to believe the latter because my feelings are so suppressed.
If I may ask, how old are you? Just curious if we're around the same age. I'm 22.
Sorry I haven't replied sooner! I'm 19, my boyfriend is 22. And yes, I completely get where you're coming from. Sometimes I feel like if he left, I'd feel relieved because I wouldn't worry. But you've just got to remind yourself that until the problem is solved, all relationships will be like this. You have to try and think how he made you feel before the OCD. Right now I'm going through the exact same as you, my obsessions with thinking and checking 'do I like the boy that I used to see?' are making me believe that I actually like this boy. Whereabouts in the US do you live? Maybe it's worth looking around the country for various OCD therapists? x
I live in Northern California, the part with the wannabe hippies and middle class people. Not to be mixed up with Southern California which is home to the spoiled rich people hahaha.
If I had more money I would definitely browse for different therapists.
I've been having a couple of good days lately, how about you?
And where are you from?
I'm from Liverpool! I've had a very bad night tonight. I just want to forget everything and switch my brain off. Convinced that I don't love my boyfriend. Thoughts about leaving him. I'm absolutely fed up now. I just want to know that I'm going to get better, cause the thought of leaving him actually gives me shivers.
Yes, do I know that feeling. This truly is one of the cruelest mental disorders out there. And they say OCD can't hurt you... pfft. I'm glad we started talking to each other though because it really does help.
I've got friends in Liverpool! Supposed to visit them soon but tickets are so expensive.
I'm supposed to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time next month. This would require flying with him to another state. This totally sparks my anxiety and I keep worrying that I'll be having the ROCD thoughts during that time.
You know what has helped me though (and this is going to sound weird but it happened on accident) is watching sad movies where the girl's boyfriend or husband dies or gets sick. I never wanted to watch these before because I worried they would spike me, but they actually made me think "what if that happened to him?"
And I started remembering all the little things like when he visited me in the hospital and stayed there with me, etc. I realized that this disorder had made me really selfish and I had forgotten about all the reasons why I loved him.
When I realized this, it was like an epiphany and I had to tell him how much I appreciated him.
We will have good days and bad days. I hope you have good days again soon.
Bad day today. Hope you're doing well.
Yeah, I'm so glad I've told my boyfriend. To know that you're going through this op makes me sane and hopeful that we can get through this. My biggest worry is that; what if it's not OCD or my anxiety, and I actually just don't want to be with him? But I know that when I wake up in the morning and I see him next to me, for a split second, for a few minutes, I'm the happiest girl in the world. I'm too sleepy to think, and I know that I want to spend forever with him.
What was your relationship like before this?
I'm sorry that I didn't see you were having a bad day yesterday :(
I would have replied instantly if I'd have known! Shall we exchange emails, that way I can always reply when you need me/ when you need me :) my email is laurenhowell-pratt@hotmail.co.uk x
Sent an email your way, hope to hear from you soon
Haven't received anything thus far :( have you sent it? x
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