libirdy
31-10-12, 20:53
Hi, My friend told me this was a helpful sight and I need help.
I have had anxiety for about 20 years. it started with the death of my brother, then my father, then my friend, then my other brother. It used to be situational and always involved mostly irrational health concerns. It got very bad 10 years ago when I had a persistent feeling of light headedness. I googled and came up with MS. This fear put me in to a full on nervous breakdown. After clean bill of health, time and therapy healed me, the light headedness went away and I went back to being situationally anxious about my general health. I could handle this and I did for the next ten years.
Ten years later:
Things got stressful in my life. Finances, marriage issues, and an ailing mother caused a serious build up of stress. As things got resolved on the financial and marital front I began to unravel. I experienced my first panic attack. I was at home in my hair salon working on a client. It was a mother load. I called 911 thinking I was dying of a heart attack and ended up in a hospital bed. I was released 2 hours later with a diagnosis of panic. This event altered my entire being.
A year and a half later:
I’m not better. I tried to heal myself, read Claire Weekes and several other books and tried to pass through the panic. I would take an occasion Xanax or Ativan but did not allow myself too much relief through drugs. I was going to kick this on my own. I was seeing a therapist (not CBT) and it didn’t work. I reluctantly tried a few SSRI’s but couldn’t past the first day with any of them. I was convinced I could do this without medication. Then my mother died. I tried Paxil for 2 weeks and felt suicidal. I quit. I would feel great for a couple of weeks and then panic for a couple of months, then great again, then more panic. Ended up back in emergency in July 2012. Sent home with a clean bill of health.
Currently:
I get “surges” of panic on a daily basis. They can last an hour, they can last 5 hours. When I “surge” my head goes light but I feel tremendous pressure, my legs get weak, my chest gets tight, my breathing gets labored and I lose the ability to concentrate. However, I always manage to complete whatever task I’m doing, I just writhe with intense discomfort the whole time. Morning is the worst but this can happen to me on a sunset walk at the beach or while I’m watching TV. It’s especially bad when I am in social situations where my attention is required. Sitting idle is a trigger.
I’m seeing a cardiologist because my blood pressure shoots high during surges, I am on a beta blocker which helps with the pounding heart but it’s doing nothing for the rest of me. I feel as though I am dying. My once lively spirit is diminishing by the day. This makes me incredibly sad. I cringe at the thought of doing the things I used to love to do, I’m so uncomfortable.
I know I sound like a classic case but I feel isolated. Does anyone else here have constant daily issues with this monster panic? What do you do? I’m at the end of my rope.
Thank you for reading
I have had anxiety for about 20 years. it started with the death of my brother, then my father, then my friend, then my other brother. It used to be situational and always involved mostly irrational health concerns. It got very bad 10 years ago when I had a persistent feeling of light headedness. I googled and came up with MS. This fear put me in to a full on nervous breakdown. After clean bill of health, time and therapy healed me, the light headedness went away and I went back to being situationally anxious about my general health. I could handle this and I did for the next ten years.
Ten years later:
Things got stressful in my life. Finances, marriage issues, and an ailing mother caused a serious build up of stress. As things got resolved on the financial and marital front I began to unravel. I experienced my first panic attack. I was at home in my hair salon working on a client. It was a mother load. I called 911 thinking I was dying of a heart attack and ended up in a hospital bed. I was released 2 hours later with a diagnosis of panic. This event altered my entire being.
A year and a half later:
I’m not better. I tried to heal myself, read Claire Weekes and several other books and tried to pass through the panic. I would take an occasion Xanax or Ativan but did not allow myself too much relief through drugs. I was going to kick this on my own. I was seeing a therapist (not CBT) and it didn’t work. I reluctantly tried a few SSRI’s but couldn’t past the first day with any of them. I was convinced I could do this without medication. Then my mother died. I tried Paxil for 2 weeks and felt suicidal. I quit. I would feel great for a couple of weeks and then panic for a couple of months, then great again, then more panic. Ended up back in emergency in July 2012. Sent home with a clean bill of health.
Currently:
I get “surges” of panic on a daily basis. They can last an hour, they can last 5 hours. When I “surge” my head goes light but I feel tremendous pressure, my legs get weak, my chest gets tight, my breathing gets labored and I lose the ability to concentrate. However, I always manage to complete whatever task I’m doing, I just writhe with intense discomfort the whole time. Morning is the worst but this can happen to me on a sunset walk at the beach or while I’m watching TV. It’s especially bad when I am in social situations where my attention is required. Sitting idle is a trigger.
I’m seeing a cardiologist because my blood pressure shoots high during surges, I am on a beta blocker which helps with the pounding heart but it’s doing nothing for the rest of me. I feel as though I am dying. My once lively spirit is diminishing by the day. This makes me incredibly sad. I cringe at the thought of doing the things I used to love to do, I’m so uncomfortable.
I know I sound like a classic case but I feel isolated. Does anyone else here have constant daily issues with this monster panic? What do you do? I’m at the end of my rope.
Thank you for reading