Depression v Anxiety

[Spikie]

Hi all

Ummm, this starts with some 'getting it off my chest', the actual question is the last paragraph. I won't be mad if you skip to that.

So, had a few weeks of awfulness where I convinced myself of everything from
'I'm going to be laid off soon' (probable, the business IS struggling and I'm cheap and the last hired)
to
'If I let someone make my drink they will poison me' and my personal favourite, 'Next door will move out, some people will move in, they will then park slightly over their 'line' meaning I will struggle to park outside my house and have to sell the car' (!), plus the 'usual' 'I hate myself, why am I so stupid, everyone has it easier than me, I can't communicate with other people' etc...

So I went to see the doctor and got one I don't like (which made me anxious). I explained things to him, I think with the hope he would put me back on the Citalopram while I get back on my feet (related question on the Citalopram board if anyone wants to help me from both angles!). Well he did, he wrote me a prescription straight off, but I left feeling worse than when I went in! I was feeling quite chipper tbh, which made me feel stupid saying 'Oh it's been awful, hellish, I've not slept, can't concentrate...' when inside I was thinking 'who is this person you're talking about? I'm fine!'.

Dr went through the motions and gave me a leaflet and drugs, I'm going to try and re-do some of the CBT I did a year ago but this time on my own, I'm fine with all that.

But (question at last!), he said at one point 'well it doesn't sound like you're depressed, you just sound like you have anxiety'. Cue a spiral from 'chipper' to 'very down' as I suddenly think I'm actually just a bit tense and the last few years of me being 'depressed' was just attention seeking. So I came here to ask what the difference is and maybe I'm trying to get better in the wrong area, but given the board is called 'depression from anxiety' can I assume, contrary to what the Dr implied, my 'anxiety leading to depression' feelings are 100% legitimate, it doesn't have to be one or the other? For the record, I sometimes just get washed with despair with no anxiety (but I always assumed a Dementor was just around :winks:)

[Stormsky]

I first suffered anxiety and panick attacks 13yrs ago, and it led to anxiety induced depression...
Depression is a hard one to label, just feeling down isnt depression.... at my worst, the doom and gloom, nothing to look forward to, despair, suicidal thoughts..couldnt be bothered to get out of bed... list goes on...

[BobbyDog]

Depression and anxiety perhaps? I can relate to all of your symptoms, most of the time I am anxious and occasionally depressed. You watch too many Harry Potter movies.:D

[Spikie]

just feeling down isnt depression....

If I came across as 'a bit glum' then I've trivalised how I feel. In the past month I've had days ranging from not wanting to get out of bed to experiencing such intense feelings that I was going to mess up at work that I stood round the corner unable to actually walk into the office. I'm sorry if I came across as just having been a bit down.

The fact I know I am going to make a mistake makes me make a mistake, and it's driving me insane. I'm concerned that the pen marks and minor injuries I'm making on my fingers aren't going to be enough soon and I'll start self harming properly again. I work in an office where I'm disliked by almost everyone and looked down on even by those below me in the chain. I've had a reasonable week as my office companion has been off, but once she's back I will no doubt be back to wanting to kill myself at work each day and longing for being able to go home and run as that is the only time I can be sure I will be anything approaching happy.

My dementor comment was an attempt to lighten the whole concept up, as I was more upbeat today than usual. However it seems that didn't last so now I'm back to my old self. Yay.

#Edit#
2 more things.

1. I apologise if the above is an overreaction to the comment made, I think I was just looking for a 'there-there, I know that feel' from someone whereas I got (what I perceived to be) more of what the Dr gave me (you don't sound depressed to me), which I think I now see is caused by...
2. ... the fact that I rarely tell anyone when I'm down, meaning when I come to describe it later when I feel better and more upbeat, I have a tendancy to almost write it off as something I feel sometimes (oh I was feeling suicidal, but obviously that was just because I was a bit down, I feel better now so everything must be ok... until a few hours later). But as it is becoming 'something I feel more often than not' I am acknowledging I need help and trying to get it before it becomes a full blown case of the 'unable to function's. Perhaps I should just pay a therapist to talk to me once a week to at least have somewhere I can say how I feel without sounding like I'm trying to get drugs/attention (which leads to further 'down' feelings later).

Well, I had an epiphany, that's something!

[BobbyDog]

If I came across as 'a bit glum' then I've trivalised how I feel. In the past month I've had days ranging from not wanting to get out of bed to experiencing such intense feelings that I was going to mess up at work that I stood round the corner unable to actually walk into the office. I'm sorry if I came across as just having been a bit down.

The fact I know I am going to make a mistake makes me make a mistake, and it's driving me insane. I'm concerned that the pen marks and minor injuries I'm making on my fingers aren't going to be enough soon and I'll start self harming properly again. I work in an office where I'm disliked by almost everyone and looked down on even by those below me in the chain. I've had a reasonable week as my office companion has been off, but once she's back I will no doubt be back to wanting to kill myself at work each day and longing for being able to go home and run as that is the only time I can be sure I will be anything approaching happy.

My dementor comment was an attempt to lighten the whole concept up, as I was more upbeat today than usual. However it seems that didn't last so now I'm back to my old self. Yay.

Are you sure about the negative feelings that your co-workers have towards you or could it be the anxiety making you think they dislike you? Office politics, its like the school playground. it sounds like they are not very nice people. If your suspicions are correct, can't you look for another job, it would be a positive step under the circumstances.:shrug:

[Diszle]

I agree with the previous post no job is worth that! If its making you have suicidal thoughts you need to look for something else!

[mar121y]

These people may have an anxiety disorder depression or both.

[NoPoet]

Hi, depression and anxiety are co-morbid, which means they are often found together. One may cause or gradually lead to the other. Depression is also being seen as a form of anxiety.

I'd say your main problem is probably anxiety. Your depressive symptoms are probably caused by sustained anxiety. Kick the anxiety's arse and the depression will lessen, though it's probably become a habit by now and will still need to be treated.

It seems to me that you need a sense of control. When things even remotely challenge your sense of control, it activates some kind of insecurity schema (a pattern of thoughts which create a pattern of behaviour).

If something activates a negative schema, it has basically threatened your ego. Not "ego" as in arrogance, I use ego in its proper sense, to mean your core identity. The WORST problems are the ones that strike directly at your ego. This is why your mood switches between night and day in a moment.

If something happens that brings your mood down, you've most likely found one of the triggers - something that attacks your sense of self. Rather than being a bad thing, try to look on these blips as valuable intel.

You might find it helpful to examine your response to change and uncertainty. This is probably the basic problem. It's linked very intimately to anxiety. Perfection is also bound up in this stuff, since perfection is driven by fear: fear of shame, rejection and humiliation, fear that you aren't good enough etc.

As you gradually come to terms with things, accepting you're not perfect (just like the rest of us) and there is actually no requirement for you to be perfect, you might find a surprising amount of stuff clears up. Maybe you need to start by making friends with yourself. After all, your core identity was gifted to you before you were born, and it will stay with you forever.

[AuntieMoosie]

Hello :)

I 100% agree with everything PsychoPoet has said, what a brilliant post, I recognized so much of it :)

It hasn't got to be either or, some people suffer just depression some people suffer just the anxiety and panic and some people get the double dose!! lol

I suffer from both the depression and the anxiety/panic. It's a bit like a vicious circle really, sometimes if I'm depressed it makes my anxiety/panic kick in and sometimes if I'm getting the anxiety it will kick off the depression.

PsychoPoet explained it far better than I can really, but it's absolutely right that certain triggers will make us behave in certain ways, I learned all of my anxiety/fears/panic as a child, as unfortunately this wasn't addressed way back then, I learned to rely on myself and learned behaviours that I felt would keep me safe.

The problems was as an adult if something triggered me, I would quickly revert back to my "safety" behaviour and that would most definitely mean I would stop doing things.....it was an easy scenario in my mind..."I don't like feeling like this therefore I'm not doing that again because doing that makes me feel frightened" see........easy!!! lol

Being your own "best friend" and "learning to love yourself" is the right way to go. I used to think nobody really liked me, whether that was at school or later in the work place, I spent far too much time thinking I'm never going to be as good as this person or as successful as that person. Having studied my own thinking through 4 years of psychotherapy, I learned that I was in actual fact projecting my thoughts externally....ie...because I didn't like myself, I felt that nobody else liked me. It's kind of easier to project our own insecurities on other people than having to accept and deal with them ourselves.

Please don't ever feel that you're just trying to get attention or drugs or both, that is in no way a bad thing anyway. You need to learn to allow yourself to need and be worthy of help.

You are a worthy person, you have a whole lot to offer this world, each of us is unique and each of us has something worthwhile to offer, it doesn't matter that we're not good at this or not good at that, we all have a place and we all have something to offer.

Seeing a therapist is a good thing to do, it isn't a sign of weakness nor is depression and anxiety. I found it extremely helpful at a time when I was at my lowest point in my life. I learned so much about "me" cos to be honest I really didn't know "me" at all.

Accept all the help you can get, be it medication therapy or both. You are a worthy person that has a lot to offer, please always remember that:)

I hope I haven't bored you by my post lol......just trying to help.

I wish you all the best, please stay in touch with us, I would love to know how you're doing:)