To go or not to go?

[Elle-Kay]

A friend has invited me to her house tomorrow evening for a posh smellies demo/party, and I can't decide whether to go or not.

I'd like to in one way, because I don't see my friend all that often (and a second friend will be there, who the same can be said for - they both have children you see, so our schedules often collide!). They both know about my anxiety in varying degrees, so would understand if I didn't stay long -- the friend who invited me has already said not to worry in advance about going/not going, and just see how I feel at the time. Also they're both taking me out next week for a pre-birthday meal, so it would be nice to feel that I've made an effort for them as well as the other way around.

On the other hand though, there will be other people there who I don't know, and I worry about what they would think if I didn't feel comfortable enough to stay. I worry especially about if I just couldn't settle and needed to leave soon after arriving, and what the other guests would think about me then - I'd feel terribly embarrassed and probably look a right fool :unsure:

I wish I didn't have to have this inner struggle just to make a decision about going somewhere that's supposed to be enjoyable! :lac:

[maximus1975]

elle i no where your coming from but you must go im sure once you get there you will be fine , perhaps you could have aglass of wine or two to relax you if u do feel a bit wobbly pop into the toilet and do your breathing exercise to calm down think how good you'll feel if u do last the evening

[AnxiousBaker]

Go Elle, force yourself out, it may feel bad at first but once there i am sure you`ll be fine.
You will be happy you went after it turns out a success.:)

[Annie0904]

I think you should go as you say your friends know about your anxiety and will understand if you leave early. The people who you don't know..Who cares what they think and they probably won't even notice you have left. You know that if I had asked you the same question you would probably have given me the answer I gave you :D xx

[Tessar]

Elle-Kay; My advice would be the same as everyone else here... I know it'll feel difficult and I understand your feelings but if you can get there you will be among friends. It's a compliment to you that your friend has asked you along. As you say, if you're able to do something from your side, that would be good. Imagine how afterwards if you do go along, just how good you'd feel about contributing to the joint friendships. As annie said, as regards the people you dont know, Who cares what they think.
I was in the exact situation some years ago amidst deep depression. My self-esteem was at an all time low but I did go to the party (it was a tupperware one i think). I met some of my partners friends/colleagues for the first time. I was very nervous but now when I look back, I realise that making myself do these things was all part of the recovery process. If I'd not made the effort to go outside my comfort zone, I'd have stayed nervous & less confident forever.
So my friend, if you're able, I'd go for it.

[Elle-Kay]

Thanks guys. I've woken up this morning feeling (and looking!) so tired that I feel like I can barely do anything today, but I know you're all right about feeling good about it afterwards if I can go through with it.

And Annie: you're totally right that I would have given you the same advice if you'd been the one asking this question! Perhaps I should listen to myself more often :)

[Annie0904]

I know, my husband is always telling me to listen myself when I give advise o others :)

[potato11]

Go!! :)

And if you really wanted to leave, you can always make an excuse about someone or something needing you somewhere!?

[smithylou4]

the only way to overcome your fear is to face it so go!

[fozzy is crying]

Go for it. If you do not you might miss out on what could turn out to be a fabulous day for you. If it goes wrong at least you tried.

:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:

Gordon

[ricardo]

I know, my husband is always telling me to listen myself when I give advise o others :)

touche :)

---------- Post added at 16:42 ---------- Previous post was at 16:37 ----------

Elle,

i have this problem all the time and the less you go, given time the less you will be invited. I always would prefer in theory if I was asked somewhere the same day, that gives me less time to think about it, if you know what I mean.

luckily we live in a climate where the climate is much hotter than the UK so many of these invites are outside and one can get lost for a while without anyone really noticing.

---------- Post added at 16:43 ---------- Previous post was at 16:42 ----------

[gem7]

i think u should go once u there i.m sure u be ok if not just stay for an hour or two ya friend will understand and as for the other people ya friend can explain to them u had to go cos u felt uncomftable cos u suffer with anxiety try not to worrie what others think go have a good time and let us all know how u get on :)

[Candy6]

I think you should go too. You will feel so good about yourself if you do and if you don't manage to stay then so what? No-one will think badly of you especially your closest friends because they know about your anxiety issues. Good luck and let us know how you get on. x

[Elle-Kay]

I managed to go, even though I was very anxious beforehand. I stayed over 2 hours, and enjoyed being able to see my friends, and even being able to socialise a little with the other people I didn't know :)

[MissHDynamite]

Oh that's brilliant Leah.. well done you :D I bet your friends were very proud of what you achieved.. as you should be and as are we :hugs: x

[AuntieMoosie]

Oh Elle I'm so pleased that you decided to go and that you enjoyed it:yesyes:

I know with myself, it's the anticipation that's worse than the event, usually once I'm off I'm ok.

You did great hun :yesyes:

[Tessar]

that's brilliant - well done you!

[Annie0904]

Really pleased you managed to go Leah, you are doing so well :yesyes:

[Em.ma]

I'm so glad you had a good time little steps. Xx

[gem7]

thats great well done hun :)

[fishman65]

That's brilliant...well done!!

[Elle-Kay]

Thanks all :) I decided that after doing this last night I would go to the busking event my dance club were doing in the city centre this lunchtime too. It wasn't easy - I kept getting waves of panic because the only parking space I'd been able to find was about a 1/2 to 3/4 mile walk from where the event was - but I did manage to stay for two hours, even though I didn't hang around for drinks afterwards. I had one big wave of panic while I was dancing at the end (the guy I was dancing with kept talking about food as two girls nearby were eating chips!), and did make a dash for the car straight after that, but once I realised what I'd done I forced myself to walk normally back to the car, rather than running, to try to give the wave time to wear off so I didn't leave the city in a panic.

I'm pleased that I made the effort, but I'm pleased that it's over too!

[Annie0904]

You are doing so well Leah, achieving more every day :yesyes: I managed Sainsbury's again but feeling so tired all the time :)

[Elle-Kay]

Well done Annie :) I know what you mean about being tired - I had a bad night's sleep again last night, and having been out this morning before doing the shopping as soon as I got home I'm absolutely exhausted now! Even the (small) English breakfast I managed to eat in the Asda cafe hasn't given me any extra energy! The pain in my side has come back to warn me that I should have taken it a bit easier, too, but c'est la vie.

[Annie0904]

My hubby was sleeping on his back last night and snoring so I asked him to turn over...so what does he do?...Turns over to face me!!! No wonder I am always so tired.

[Laura123]

Leah well done hunni xxx

[Elle-Kay]

Thanks Laura :hugs: