Everyone is getting fed up of me...

[Iced_diamond]

My anxiety has taken a turn for the worst, especially in the last 18 months and it's taking its toll on me and the people around me. I am convinced and obsessed about getting ill and because of this I am just not enjoying life. The last two week-ends I had plans, but cancelled them out of fear of what might happen if I go ahead with them. It's mostly connected with stupid, idiotic things like: It will be crowded there and I will get a cold or a bug...or all it takes is for a colleague to come into my office and say she didn't feel well the day before and instantly I feel sick and feel like I have to wash my hands all the time or keep away from her...When I am at home I just mull over and over about what to do if I get ill and every little ache, twinge, sneeze, cough etc means I start googling and drive myself mad. My partner, my parents, my sister, my friends-they've all exhausted my obsessive behaviour and have even been hurt by some of my neurotic actions, which I really can't help. I have never sought any sort of counselling over this or spoken to a doctor, as I feel I wouldn't be taken seriously. Sometimes I tell myself to stop being stupid, but I won't listen to myself. Does anybody else feel like this and what has worked for you to make you feel better? Thanks. :)

[Annie0904]

No doctor or counselor would not take this seriously, they deal with these sorts of problems every day and are there to help you. I suggest the best thing for you would be to speak to your doctor and perhaps also be referred for counseling. :hugs:

[Trapped]

I am in the same position. I don't mix with people in winter due to fear of catching colds. I shop at night in Asda, or by internet shopping. I panic when people say they are/have been ill or have been around ill people. My fear is colds/flu mainly but I do have fear of other illness too. I carry hospital grade hand sanitiser and a vicks first defence nose spray. I am waiting for intensive CBT whatever that is, the mental health services have taken me on. I am extremely anxious about all of it. I have been like this for many years.

[Tessar]

Iced Diamond, I'm with you on this one though there are definitely things that can be done to help you. I understand what you are talking about and do know that Annie is right - they would take you seriously. The things you describe sound very familiar to me indeed. I expect most people on here will have tried the "stop being stupid" thing but unfortunately it doesnt work.
It's very likely you would benefit from some CBT or counselling. Both are really beneficial. I have been through CBT and can vouch for it being very helpful indeed. It's a journey but believe me it is worth it - really it is. In the first instance, just having someone hear what you are saying and understanding you is a huge relief. I can remember in my early sessions thinking that she must think I'm crazy. But no. I wasnt judged. I received nothing but support and nurturing. I was given ideas and helpful suggestions to allow me to try things that I thought werent possible. I was soooooo nervous about everything. My biggest achievement was getting on a plane & going abroad. Believe me, anyone who knew me before CBT would have never believed I could do that. In fact, I couldnt believe it either. So you see, it is possible to change.
The difference in me to say 5/6 years ago is qutie noticable. Ok, of course I still have the occasional blip & the health stuff you describe probably happens to everyone. What I do have are skills that enable me to think more clearly about what is happening to me and I can be much more realistic. If you put the effort in on your side, the skills you learn in CBT can be invaluable. You can apply them to pretty much anything you do in life. It is actually a rewarding experience. What is does is help you get through day to day. AFter some time you find yoruself doing the things you learned automatically. AT that stage you then have so much more energy to put into day to day enjoyment of life.
I would go so far as to say it changed my life and made me far more able to do things I considered scary before. This includes dealing with mixing with people in the way you describe & also fearing catching stuff. I'm even a blood donor now which is something that scared the hell out of me before. I was convinced i'd feint, feel sick etc etc. I used to feel guilty for not going. Now I feel that is it an amazing thing to do. When I see the adverts on TV, I know I am amazing. You can work on things gradually. There's plenty of time. It doesnt have to all be done at once.
It is a shame you arent able to enjoy life because that' s really unpleasant. Your anxiety is very understanable and I feel sure if you could perhaps speak with your GP they'd be more than willing to help you. I'd keep chatting away on here too because there are so many people on here experiencing similar things and indeed people who have come through it all and are now, like me, in a much better position than they were before they reached out for help.

[Iced_diamond]

Hi Tessar (but also thank you to all of who replied-much appreciated). I'm really glad that the CBT has helped you so much and it sounds like you have made a really great recovery from anxiety. It's funny you mention the plane scenario, as I am absolutely terrifed of flying. i've done it before, but it was a huge palava and now that I can make choices on my own I have decided never to fly. My boyfriend is sad about that, as he would like to go places, but I just can't. I think I always thought that I wouldn't need to get help, as on the outside it's hard to tell I have this deep seated anxiety. My workplace would see me as a professional, sensible colleague-don't know what they would think if they knew how I can be in private...I think the whole bottling it up thing is hard for me too and I really need to talk to someone about it, who doesn't just say I'm stupid-like my boyfriend. I think that maybe CBT is the best option for me. My friend majored in Pychology and has already offered to refer me to a CBT therapist, so I may actually take this up. Do you happen to know, if some CBT therapists actually advise you to undergo a health assessment as part of the therapy to make you see that you're ok? I think that I read this somewhere once.... But, I very much appreciate you responding to me woth what I think is good advice. Once again, I congratulate you on your progress and hope to use this as an inspiration for myself. :)

[hanshan]

Hi Iced diamond,

I think you realise that you have health anxiety, which is affecting your life way out of proportion to the logical risks. This is a real condition that you should seek treatment for. Find a doctor who understands it - not necessarily your local GP who will hand out a prescription.

[almamatters]

I agree with previous post, speak to someone who understands anxiety and HA. Most GP's are fine but you get an occasional one who does not really understand and it can leave you feeling ten times worse if they are dismissive. :flowers:

[Tessar]

Iced Diamond, When my depression kicked off, I think my colleagues were surprised. Probably they'd have described me the same as you. There are many, many people out there who have anxiety but as with many people are good at hiding it (Just like you). You definitely arent stupid - well I'd have to say that otherwise I'd be saying it about me too - ha ha.
I'm not sure if a therapist would advise you to undergo a health assessment, it didnt happen in my case but there'd be no harm in that at all. As Hanshan & Almamatters mention below, you need to speak to someone who understands anxiety and HA. It's funny really as I would never have thought about seeing a therapist or doing CBT if my GP hadnt suggested it. I didnt even like my doctor that I had at the time but was willing to listen. I'm so very glad I did. I was lucky too that I had a therapist I was able to bond with, that made alot of difference.
One thing for sure is that with the right support & some hard work you can make changes too. You never know, one day you might be able to improve enough to get on a plane again but right now it'll just be about focusing on one step at a time. It's good that you feel able to make choices on your own.
I really appreciate your positive comments/congratulations. Sometimes I underestimate my progress. If you can use it as an inspiration for yourself... that would be amazing. I havent been using the forum long but am realising that passing information onto others & being supportive is just as important as receiving help/support myself. It's giving me a connection with others that's been missing in my life lately. There are so many people here that seem to understand me or I'm able to understand them. So I'm really glad I took the plunge.

[fozzy is crying]

:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:

[Iced_diamond]

Thank you all for your supportive words. Tessar, I am sure that I will take up the CBT and I am hoping it will do for me what it did for you. I have read other people's posts on this site, who have had CBT, but didn't get as much positivity out of those as from what you have described. It sounds like our anxiety issues have been the same in the past and if it worked for you, then there's hope for me. :) So, thank you so much for your time and encouraging words. This site has a lot of really kind and friendly people on it and although I haven't been posting here for that long, I have already felt better by the warm and considerate replies I have received. Thanks to you all. :bighug1:

[Tessar]

A helpful factor in my CBT working was that I really needed some looking after, by a mother figure if you like. My therapist provided that for me (in the professional sense) and it gave me the support & strength I needed to deal with the scary world. It was most definitely right place & time. I sort of fell into it all, had no idea what it entailed. I wont deny the hard work involved but the rewards were amazing. All these years later & I still use all the skills. Not a day goes by that I dont think warmly of my therapist. It's like she lives inside me & that gives me confidence.
Perhaps it's a bit like medication really, certain types work for one person & not another. I did alot of reading too - dont laugh but I have just counted how many therapy/self-help books I have: 23!! I didnt reliase it was that many. But they all have slightly different slants on things. They are my support network & when I feel things getting on top of me, I re-read what helped before. Also though, my therapist is there in my mind, its comforting.

[Iced_diamond]

Tessar, thank you again so much for your response. I will certainly give CBT a good go. Do you mind me asking if you had a referral from the NHS or was it private? Also, I don't know if you will know this off the top of your head, but you seem to have really made such good progress, that I thought I would ask: Did your therapist advise you of any sort of exercise or anything that could help you when you're in the middle of starting to panic about something? I often have moments during the day and at night when I can feel myself going into a panic about something and I can actually feel it taking over and it can be hard to try and calm myself down and convince myself that I'm ok. Thanks for all your help. :)

[Tessar]

No prob Iced Diamond. Initially I had an NHS referral, then realised some private medical cover I had @ work covered it. I did pay for some appointments as the fund ran out near the end. Using thought records I kept, my therapist helped me identify triggers. I think you are on the right lines already as you know that stopping intrusive thoughts before they get out of hand is good. Plus remaining calm (easier said than done sometimes I know). I find keeping myself relaxed & not letting my mind run riot is important, recognising where it’s going as soon as possible. Putting my focus where I want it to be. During the day its possible to distract myself... get busy doing something to take my mind off it. It is more difficult at night as you’re meant to be sleeping & its quiet. but remaining calm & stopping the negative, downward spiral of thoughts is important. I have before now got out of bed, just to do something simple like go to the loo & at the same time concentrated on relaxing. Oh once I even ended up doing some of my therapy ‘homework’ in the night as I just couldn’t sleep. I thought I might as well put my thoughts to good use.

[Iced_diamond]

Thank you Tessar. You're right that during the day in the week I have quite a lot to keep busy with at work plus keeping up a good bravado with my colleagues. But once the housework is done or I am alone at home (much like now-only I feel fine at the moment :)) silly, intrusive thoughts start coming. Sunday evening is quite a common time for them to start actually...I actually put a comedy on before going to bed, which was quite good and someone had suggested a cross-word puzzle book. :) But, you're right, distraction is key. I have already started looking into the CBT. Thank you again for all your support and advice on here-it really has been very helpful. :byebye:

[Charlee123]

I have health anxiety i fear and i am scared of loosing my memory. Sometimes it can be so bad i question who people are even thou i no deep down. Its crazy x