Hiv anxiety :(

[worriedconstantly]

Hello,

I am a female who is usually extremely responsible and together, nearly 6 weeks ago after a night out I slept with man, white British in his early 20s (in Norwich, norfolk- not a particularly high risk area I know)

We used a condom, but here's the deal, because I'd had a few drinks I then convinced myself, to the point that I now can't remember what was real and what was my mind playing games, on whether the condom worked, stayed in place, tore broke ripped, whatever.
As far as I know he took it off and never said anything about the condition of it, you probably would if it had busted right? But my mind says what if he didn't notice either etc.

Anyway these thoughs hit me about 2 weeks after the whole ordeal and I have literally been making myself physically sick with worry. I spoke to the guy, we are still in touch to this day but I've not really seem him since and he told me he didn't have anything (again all my mind can tell me is what if he's lying, what of he doesn't know himself) .. I've trawled the Internet and got nothing but conflicting information that has made me panic more - having said that a lot of the information especially on forums is from the USA and they have different guidelines - even so, I found freedom health, a private clinic who state a hiv duo test at 28 days post exposure is conclusive in terms of hiv status -
I went and had a 4th gen p24 antigen and antibody test at my local gum clinic, I take it these are the same the only difference being I had to wait for my results which you wouldn't if you went private.
It came back negative - the nurse was surprised that I even wanted the test based on my exposure, she said I'd have less than 1% chance contracting hiv.

My tests came back neg as I said, is this sufficient enough without having to test again at 12 weeks, I feel like I can't breathe because of this, the what ifs, statistics, odds and what is actually fact is really really wearing me down.

I don't think I had a risk, but my mind has played so many games on me I now can't be sure.

Thanks in advance for any thoughts or advice.

[Anxious lu]

Hey hun,

The worst ordeal of my Life was when my health anxiety made me belive I had HIV. Stop worrying before its too late!

I had a one night stand and two years later believed I had HIV.. I worried so much I couldn't eat I felt so sick, couldn't sleep due to adrenaline surges, had a break down everyday, told my parents things they should not know, made my family check my body all day everyday, quit my job as anxiety was making me so sick, had an upset tummy and spent 99% of my day checking google.

It started out as just a thought and health anxiety took it over.. I started acting like I had HIV and didn't want my niece to come near me.

You do not have HIV! I could bet my life on it you don't although I lnow Ots hard to rationalise you don't, trust me I know..
I am twenty lost my virginity at 18 and apart from my current bf had only had sex twice.. Ofcourse I got the all clear.. Talk to your doc or sex walth clinic see what they can do and when because the only way youll forget about it is to be 100% sure..

X

[worriedconstantly]

This is exactly me, my situation down to a T! I'm not promiscuous in any way! I split up with my long term boyfriend over 6 months ago and stupidly I did this :/ this is all assuming the guy is hiv positive, which he probably isn't .. I've had my negative 4th gen test at 29 days which is the appropraite interval - I've read it is considered conclusive at 28+ days .. And that retesting is only really necessary after a specific high risk exposure - so that combined with the fact I did use a condom should be enough, but here I am, feeling at an absolute loss!
So glad to know I'm not the only one in this position though x

[Anxious lu]

Yeah it's a really bad one because you imagine your life is over.. I promise you it is not.. I imagined I had infected my boyfriend omg thinking back to it makes me want to cry.. It makes me scared how I let myself act that way and belive those things.. It caused massive arguments and everyone was like 'wtf are you doing there is nothing wrong with you'..

My bf found it hard because I wasnt Lucy anymore..

Please don't let yourself get like that you do not have hiv it's the guilt of what you think you did was wrong when it wasn't you took relevant precautions it's probably because you have come out of this relationship..

Deep breathes don't google and try to think logically.. I was convinced I had all the symptoms.. Looking back everything is a symptom so DO
NOT GOOGLE..

As soon as I found out I was okay I cried.. Few weeks later I looked back and was like what was I doing???

Your fine okay please don't worry x

[worriedconstantly]

I really really appreciate your kind words, it is so nice to hear. This has literally plagued my thoughts, and I thought testing would solve it, it did for a day or so when I got the call saying my test was negative I was over the moon .. But then for some reason hit by these thoughts again? I want to know that I can trust my tests, but then I get hung up on stats and reliability ect. I've done enough worrying to last a life time these last few weeks, I just want this to be over - everyone else thinks I'm being stupid x

---------- Post added 11-11-12 at 00:13 ---------- Previous post was 10-11-12 at 23:35 ----------

Really my negative 29 day test at considered conclusive by private docs, 99.8% or something, the fact that the nurse wasn't concerned at all that I had been exposed, the fact I used a condom, (unsure of its reliability but again that's probably my mind) and again the fact the test was negative should be pretty solid that I did not get a hiv infection - so really anxiety is my main problem? How am I supposed to overcome this? I can't focus on anything, hiv just runs through my head from the minute I get up til the minute I go to bed again and quite often throughout the night too :(

[Anxious lu]

To be honest with you I'm not the best person to ask test after test I feel content in the fact I'm okay but it is often short lived..

I think you just need to accept the fact the text was negative.. Distraction is the best way. Try to move on get over it and stop obsessive behaviours like checking online statistics for a day a time atleast..

You need to accept what you did was not wrong and believe the nurses and doctors who are telling you your okay.. If they anxiety remains then all you can do is get a blood test.. Im sure this would give you peace of mind over HIV atleast as you either have it or you don't..

When I saw a councillor he said to stop obsessive behaviours as this sparks and feeds anxiety, try to stop seeking reassurance because although you feel good for a while it's rarely ever long term effective..

Not all together but maybe a bit less a day e,g half a day etc..

You know deep down you don't have HIV a it's an un controllable illness, which is why we fear it so much but in your case it is bt necessary to waste the time and health on it x

[worriedconstantly]

Thank you again for all your advice, you are right I do just need to forget and move on, it's going to be a difficult road I think - I don't want to be someone who falls into a trap of tests after tests, waiting for the results is a killer- does nothing for my anxiety.

I hope my test is right and is unlikely to change, I need to find a way around these awful thoughts - I want to be me again x

[NicoleNYC]

Hi,

I don't understand why the nurse said you have a 1% chance?