low/ anxious

[maximus1975]

im finding today really tough my mum has gone out to lunch my brother of to golf and youve guessed it the jelousy has kicked in bigtime , ive done my usual 30 min walk with a coffee at grans to follow then thats it thats my day done, its a really nasty feeling when i get back home and no ones in i just say to myself is this all life has to offer me ?? im having to talk myself out of checking my pulse as im addicted to doing that especially on my walk makes my anxiety rise. im finding it very tough being without my friends as they will all be in my local soon and i just cant go there, im having a my lifes crap compared to all my friends kinda day. does anybody have any ideas on how i can dampen this jelousy? i seem to be at my happiest in the evenings where i no most people will also be in watching tv so i feel more normal if that makes sense, ill be hitting the one month thred tomorrow i was really hoping id be on top form by now but its not really happening.
im having a tablet review with my pdoc tomorrow one thing i wished is that i would have seen this man a few years back i wish they had tried me on quaetipine ( mood stabiliser ) before they put me on benzo's which i have a nasty addiction to

[kittikat]

I went through this jealousy of others thing a few years back and felt I was different to them on so many levels. This actually lowers your mood and makes you feel worse.

With help from my GP and CBT therapy, I am learning to accept my condition and make some positive progress.

Life does actually have more to offer but you have to make the effort to find it. You are not alone here, I hope you can find a way to move forward in a positive direction.

Kitti :)

[maximus1975]

i no what your saying youve gotta get out there and go for it but everything is so raw for me at the moment im fresh of a couple of big panic attacks , i made it through the asda shop yesterday wich is something to build on i just wanna be able to go out and do my sport without predicting all sorts of nasty things are gunna happen to me , ie panic attack , heart attack i faint these are all very real thoughts of mine at the moment and scare the hell out of me

[kittikat]

Have you had CBT to help you deal with these things? I do understand how you feel, I have been there and still am some days. It can get better.

You need to understand that when you have a PA you are not going to have a heart attack or faint. My therapist helped me to understand this and gave me the tools to help deal with my anxiety and panics more rationally. I actually had a PA on Friday morning, first one since end of August and although I managed it well it did knock my confidence again. I understand the thoughts are very real.

[maximus1975]

ive had cbt before and am awaiting another appoitment to give it another go as i do believe it helped last time i was going through a really bad patch, one thing that is positive as im doing this drink free which for me is an achievment a lot of my anxiety in the past has been down to drinking, im on quite a lot of medication which is helping , low self esteem is my big problem always putting myself down and thinking every other persons life is better than mine , also i have health anxiety and until my cholestrol comes down which is sky high im gunna have my heart attack phobia there in the back of my mind im on all the right meds and diet but my brain wont except the fact its gunna take time to come down , when i got told it was 16 i had a pa straight away

[fishman65]

I know exactly how you feel maximus,it just goes to show how much this illness can restrict our lives doesn't it.I also (as do many here I think) understand the liking for dark winter evenings where we can sit in front of the TV and don't have to commit.Take care mate and know you're not alone.

[maximus1975]

im gunna have to face a tough week this week and force myself to get out and do things even if i dont feel up to it i have my stress buster class tomorrow night run by a group called outlook southwest tomorrow session will be about negative thinking which im particully good at , at the moment i can talk myself into terible anxiety /panic, the course aims to give u the tools to deal with al this