hellybelly1982
11-11-12, 20:23
Okey this takes serious stuff for me to get this all out but I want to get it all out, I need to get it all out...
I have suffered from hair pulling since I was a teenager and had mild ocd and anxiety symptoms when I was a older teenager.
I'am going to talk about something now which I dont ever really talk about but still haunts me everyday. When I was at universtiy I got into a relationship with someone who was very emotionally abusive and very controlling and very unstable. This person themselves was seriously mentally ill I know now as they used to cut themselves. This person rid me of confidence and their behaviour was extreme. I was only 18 and it was the first proper relationship I had had so was increadbly niave.
I have had hardcore therapy for this time of my life as I hold this person responsble for the way my life has turned out. I had to leave university, give up my place to study in america and i never pursied my career dreams because of my crippling anxiety and panic I'am now left with sometimes.
I'am now married to a wonderful man, an amazing man who is my soul mate and best friend and if I hadnt of come home from university i never would have met him so this is an amazing positive to come out of such a awful period in my life. Without that awful period in my life I would have never met my husband. I told my husband that I feel like im haunted by this person but he said to me ghosts are dead, dead and buried and dead things cant hurt you anymore - so true.
The irony is, is that im looking back at this period of my life before the traumatic realtionship with rose tinted spectacles though. Sure I was ambitous ,carefree and independant but I really wasnt that happy. I did lots of travelling on my own but most of the time I was deepy unhappy as I felt very alone - something which I never feel now because of my marriage.
How do i get over this though? I have so much anger and resentment in me for this person. I later found that he is living the life I should have been and is in america doing stuff I should have been doing. I feel like he has taken my drive and ambition and kept it for himself. He hated me being independant and now im not so he has won and that makes me so angry. These past memories haunt me everyday. I dont want to go back to therapy as im done with keep talking about it. I have tried therapy before and it doesnt work for me, I hate dragging up the past. I just want to live and get on with my life and live for the future and not for the past. His face pops up in my mind everyday like a demon tormenting me, always there watching over me and i'am sick of it I just want it gone, I want his face never to pop into my head again, when im watching t.v, in my dreams etc, They say the best revenge is to just get on with your life but this is easier said. Please any advice you could give me would be greatly greatly appreciated.
I have suffered from hair pulling since I was a teenager and had mild ocd and anxiety symptoms when I was a older teenager.
I'am going to talk about something now which I dont ever really talk about but still haunts me everyday. When I was at universtiy I got into a relationship with someone who was very emotionally abusive and very controlling and very unstable. This person themselves was seriously mentally ill I know now as they used to cut themselves. This person rid me of confidence and their behaviour was extreme. I was only 18 and it was the first proper relationship I had had so was increadbly niave.
I have had hardcore therapy for this time of my life as I hold this person responsble for the way my life has turned out. I had to leave university, give up my place to study in america and i never pursied my career dreams because of my crippling anxiety and panic I'am now left with sometimes.
I'am now married to a wonderful man, an amazing man who is my soul mate and best friend and if I hadnt of come home from university i never would have met him so this is an amazing positive to come out of such a awful period in my life. Without that awful period in my life I would have never met my husband. I told my husband that I feel like im haunted by this person but he said to me ghosts are dead, dead and buried and dead things cant hurt you anymore - so true.
The irony is, is that im looking back at this period of my life before the traumatic realtionship with rose tinted spectacles though. Sure I was ambitous ,carefree and independant but I really wasnt that happy. I did lots of travelling on my own but most of the time I was deepy unhappy as I felt very alone - something which I never feel now because of my marriage.
How do i get over this though? I have so much anger and resentment in me for this person. I later found that he is living the life I should have been and is in america doing stuff I should have been doing. I feel like he has taken my drive and ambition and kept it for himself. He hated me being independant and now im not so he has won and that makes me so angry. These past memories haunt me everyday. I dont want to go back to therapy as im done with keep talking about it. I have tried therapy before and it doesnt work for me, I hate dragging up the past. I just want to live and get on with my life and live for the future and not for the past. His face pops up in my mind everyday like a demon tormenting me, always there watching over me and i'am sick of it I just want it gone, I want his face never to pop into my head again, when im watching t.v, in my dreams etc, They say the best revenge is to just get on with your life but this is easier said. Please any advice you could give me would be greatly greatly appreciated.