HELP PLEASE_ROCD/ Relationship OCD

[JustMeB]

This might be long; I thank you so much for taking the time to read this and posting your thoughts. I have a form of OCD called Pure "O" OCD. I have all the symptoms of OCD without most of the compulsions. ( I do have a few. Mostly washing hands etc.) Mostly I have Obsessions that can varying in extremities. I can have a little anxiety to full blown mental breakdowns where I'm unable to leave my house. This post is about ROCD also known as Relationship OCD. I have been with my partner for a handful of years. He's an amazing man and I honestly would be lost in this world without him. We started dating like anyone else would and everything was going great. Then I started having these feelings and thoughts. He doesn't really love me, he's just using me, he never wants to marry me, I don't really love him, how can I be sure he's the one, he's too this or not enough of that. The list can go on forever and it goes both ways. I always have to check to see if he loves me, make him do tests to see how much he loves me, I always compare with other couples, I have contacted my ex and vice versa to see if maybe I would be better with someone else, imagined my life without him etc. Again I could go on forever with all the stuff I do. Any of these things give me extreme anxiety after Im done with the checking part. I do all of these checking things when I know I love my man and would never want to be apart. I don't get how my brain and my feelings can be so opposite from the truth but I still feel like I have to do these things to make sure I'm making the right decisions. I feel so guilty for my feelings and get really down on myself. There are days I stay in my pjs all day and cry. I feel extra guilty about the way my ex plays out in all of this. I tend to keep in touch to check to see if I am truly really happy with my man. (which I know I am) Not often but enough to know its not right to my man. Its like I'm playing a role to see if I would be happy with someone else or something its sick. Or my OCD will tell me that I have feelings for my ex when I know I would never want to be with him ever again. I just need to make sure which feelings are my own and which is OCD. Its so exhausting and I am just ruining my life and my future with my boyfriend because if he knew he would never want to be with me. My real question is how did you get through ROCD? Is there a way out? Should I just end the relationship even though its NOT really what I want to do? Do you tell your partner whats going on without hurting them? Has anybody's partner understood what they were going through? I need some help fast cause I'm feeling so over whelmed and I honestly don't believe right now there is a way out for me and this will be my life. Please post any comments or feedback to give me some advice. Maybe your going through the same thing and I can relate to you in some way. Anything would help right now. Thanks.

[Laurenita]

Hello, I'm sad to see that noone's replied to you sooner. But I'm currently going through the exact same thing. It's the weirdest experience of my life and it's the most horrible thing I think I've ever gone through. But the good news is that I HAVE got better. The more you gain an understanding of this, the better you feel. You begin to realise that it is your thoughts and nothing else, you still love him, as much as your brain is telling you otherwise. You should NOT break up with him. It is your anxiety that is doing this! Are you on any meds? Do you seek any counselling?

[JustMeB]

Thank you so much for replying. I am on a SSRI. I have never been to any counseling because of financial reasons. Has a therapist helped you?

[Bep2]

I have ROCD and have visited a therapist 4 times now for generalised anxiety. This was to do with work and moving house but the main thing was my new relationship. I have now been with him for 4 months and he is so amazing. We have a great relationship with so much in common and the same sense of humour etc etc. Howver since the start if the relationship I've been questioning constantly whether I love him, even though it was/is too early to even know that. I've had this in previous relationships so know it is to do with me and my anxiety and not him. As I say I've seen a therapist. Sometimes I am fine and so happy. She has suggested I do a graph and each day chart how much anxiety I feel on a scale of 1-10. When I 'spike' I feel like I'm always feeling this and questioning everything. The graph shows me that even though today I'm a number 8, I have been at number 1 for the past 10 days - this has helped so much to see that these intrusive thoughts are not happening all the time and they will pass. I can be happy most of the time. No one is happy all of the time. I hope this helps and maybe you could do something similar.

[Sarahrose19]

Firstly obsessions over whether your partner loves your is not rocd is insecurity the rest of what you say is rocd though :)