1st go at getting this off my chest!!

[Gabby]

My biggest cause of panic seems to be when I feel that other people have expectations of me. This can be something tiny like if I have agreed to go to dinner with friends or something huge like buying the house.

I know that some of this comes from humungously low self-confidence and self-esteem and some of it is just extrapolating the feelings I get from other triggers and assuming that this situation will be the same. I think it is especially from the fact that my first big attacks were related to going to a university that I didnt really want to go to to do a subject that I didnt really want to, all because school, parents etc thought it would be a good move.

I get worried that I will ruin something nice like dinner or theatre by having an attack and so that makes one come on. I worry all the time that I will be letting people down by not doing whatever it is I have agreed to do, even though I know that in reality it might be a few quid down the drain but not the end of the world.

Does anyone else feel like this?

[Insomniac]

Hi Gabby.

Lots of us feel like this. I am supposed to be on holiday in Wales now with my family, but I couldn't face the journey after a bad week so we're still at home.

I've seen doc and upped meds but feel terrible about them missing their holiday. I think I was so anxious about having an attack travelling or while away that I brought on one of my worst. I think like you it comes from self esteem too.

Try to appreciate yourself and be proud of things which are achievements for you. Take small steps at a time and it will get easier. This is a great place for support.

Lisa. :)

[kym]

hi Gabby
i know exactley where your coming from, its simple little things like a friend asking to meet up for lunch, i always say yes with every intention of going out then the anxiety starts leading up to the day and i end up making some lame excuse and dont go.Im surprised i have any friends left, but i do understand and sympathise with what your saying, we miss out on so much, dont we? Hope this helps you,
take care kym

[supasooz]

I know exactly what you mean. Going out just me and the children(5+2) is much easier than with friends because you do feel that you need to be 'normal' or you'll ruin their day. On your own you feel in control and know if you panic you can do whatever you want to resolve the situation(ie either try to calm yourself or run away). It isn't so scary and therefore is less likely to cause panic as well.

I find I can manage outings with friends far easier when it's spur of the moment as I don't have time to think about things.

Hope this helps

Susan

[missacorah]

I agree - spur of the moment things sometimes do work best for me too, panic wise.

I have had to come clean with some of the people at my work about my problems and some of them seem to tale pride in making people feel bad about their problems. For example, I work in a school and thankfully as I am only a teaching assistant I never have to go into the hall when the big assemblies are on. However at the end of last term the head teacher was leaving so everyone had to go in for this big goodbye assembly which I was dreading.

So I waited till the end, to go in so I could have an end seat and escape if need be but there were 2 teaching assistants already sat at the end so i decided I would stand and felt fine.

then one of my bosses who was aware of my problems said to me did I want to sit down and I said no that I was fine and it was just me being daft about crowds etc. she insisted however and said to the 2 TA's would they mind just moving over 1 seat. They said no they were happy where they were. My boss then bent down and whispered to them and I can only presume she was telling them about my problems which I wasnt too impressed with. But I was amazed that then they still didnt move and 1 actually said 'well for gods sake who does like being in the centre of a crowd?' and they would not move!

I was amazed and so hurt! i mean I'm not expecting people to go out of their way for me at all but I like to think if i knew someone was struggling and I could do a tiny thing like that to put their mind at rest then I would. You never know what is around the corner so lets hope they never have to go through anything like this.

[Gabby]

missacorah that's awful. What rude, ignorant and thoughtless people there are out there.

thanx for your comments everyone.

[missacorah]

I know. If a few years ago I'd have come here and read these problems I'm afraid i too would probably have been ignorant and thought 'oh dont be so daft and pull yourself together'. You just can't begin to imagine it. But if anything good has come out of this I have learnt to never belittle anyones problems and that what is something little to one person can be something major to another.