justina
14-11-12, 13:03
Please if anyone can relate to this I would really appreciate an answer.
Lately it feels as if my HA is taking over my mind completely.
I have been obsessing about lymphoma for months now.
Recently I noticed that my hemorrhoids (TMI I know! Sorry! Sorry!:blush:) have changed, one part is harder and I feel like a lump under the surface, a lump that has grown since this summer. Of course I am now worrying about cancer.
A few days ago I had heavy bleeding after intercourse:scared15:. Logically I am now in total panic about it, I am sure it is cervix cancer or uterine cancer.
I am so worried about these new things that I almost don't feel my lymhoma symptoms at all.
But this is HA and so far I understand my reactions to my (very real) symptoms. I will get both things checked (I have already booked a smear test but I'll have to wait until Dec 3:scared15:).
What I don't understand is something else: I feel so strange mentally. I burst into tears for everything and nothing. A friend said my kids are lovely and I started to cry. A person I only know auperficially told me her husband has cancer and I started to cry. I read some posts here about being anxoius and desperate and I cry:doh: I am worried about everything, not only health, I worry that something will happen to my kids when they are at school, I worry that they are not happy, I worry about our economical situation, I worry and worry and worry.
At the same time I can laugh and smile and enjoy things, so I don't think I am really depressed. I am active, I work and study and take care of everything I have to take care of. A depressed person would just be low all the time and not very active, right?
So what is wrong with me? Can anyone relate to this or part of this? I am on no medication, haven't ever been, but I am having CBT for my HA, even though it doesn't help because I keep a mental distance to the therapy. I can't take the therapy seriously because I really do believe I have a serious illness.
When I saw my doctor about my "lymphoma itching" problem, she said my itching was stress related. And she is right, I am stressed. But I am stressed only because I fear that I have a deadly cancer.
Am I going crazy or what?:unsure:
Lately it feels as if my HA is taking over my mind completely.
I have been obsessing about lymphoma for months now.
Recently I noticed that my hemorrhoids (TMI I know! Sorry! Sorry!:blush:) have changed, one part is harder and I feel like a lump under the surface, a lump that has grown since this summer. Of course I am now worrying about cancer.
A few days ago I had heavy bleeding after intercourse:scared15:. Logically I am now in total panic about it, I am sure it is cervix cancer or uterine cancer.
I am so worried about these new things that I almost don't feel my lymhoma symptoms at all.
But this is HA and so far I understand my reactions to my (very real) symptoms. I will get both things checked (I have already booked a smear test but I'll have to wait until Dec 3:scared15:).
What I don't understand is something else: I feel so strange mentally. I burst into tears for everything and nothing. A friend said my kids are lovely and I started to cry. A person I only know auperficially told me her husband has cancer and I started to cry. I read some posts here about being anxoius and desperate and I cry:doh: I am worried about everything, not only health, I worry that something will happen to my kids when they are at school, I worry that they are not happy, I worry about our economical situation, I worry and worry and worry.
At the same time I can laugh and smile and enjoy things, so I don't think I am really depressed. I am active, I work and study and take care of everything I have to take care of. A depressed person would just be low all the time and not very active, right?
So what is wrong with me? Can anyone relate to this or part of this? I am on no medication, haven't ever been, but I am having CBT for my HA, even though it doesn't help because I keep a mental distance to the therapy. I can't take the therapy seriously because I really do believe I have a serious illness.
When I saw my doctor about my "lymphoma itching" problem, she said my itching was stress related. And she is right, I am stressed. But I am stressed only because I fear that I have a deadly cancer.
Am I going crazy or what?:unsure: