HELP - S** neighbour Noise issue

[Col]

Frist post - random need help noisy neighbors if u know what I mean. explains all

So To the guys who know I posted a letter to the noisy nighttime neighbour, IVE just got a letter back about those sexual noises constantly being heard (and my kids risk hearing) & her letter basically says
~ she found my letter rude she's horrified and mortified and I should have spoken to her as we are
(adults) face to face and she's asked the other neighbors if they've heard anything and they haven't!!! Despite her postin a letter back to me~ if she was that mad at me, for posting her a letter in the first place~ a bit of a contradiction and basically implying that I've behaved childish & she said I should have told her sooner!!! Ive also embarrassed and humiliated her ???? Humilated her to who, not told anyone its so embarrassing 4 us never mind her!!! Yep embarrassed BUT humiliated ???? Also she's asked the other neighbour (whom I know she's 'kind of friends' with) and apparently they heard nothing???? The other neighbor proberbly has heard because its been frequent and that bad/loud - but she's obviously being polite ! So now I look like I'm either a foody doody making a mountain out of a mole or, I'm just creating an unnecessary problem! So really its me whoes been humilated ? Shes proberbly made me out to look like a right trouble causing idiot, to the neighbours shes spoken too, unless shes just bluffing me????
My hubby's kicked off at me, basically saying she's wrong but u can word things at times a bit rude???? I don't know, so upset this has been going on for 3 months and has been bad - very bad at times & now I've retaliated I've caused an unnecessary problem! So pissed off , should I send another letter!?? The tone was to the point but facts, I did say in the letter i wrote that~ I wouldn't dream of writing a letter like this but it's that bad! Sooooo angry and upset:WTF:

[sophieunderscore]

I think it's hard to come across well in writing sometimes - she probably doesn't mean to sound as she does in hers either - my downstairs neighbour recently knocked on the door and said our music was sometimes a bit loud and could we keep it down (it's my boyfriend not me) and he said he was going to write a note but wanted to say it in person as it would sound better, I'm glad he did as we sorted it out quickly and without misunderstandings. I know it might seem more difficult now but I think you should try and talk things through in person if possible over a cup or tea or something. Sometimes it's easier to get these things across verbally :hugs:

[Edie]

Sounds like she's very embarrassed and gone on the defensive. You haven't done anything wrong, but sometimes a letter can seem a little "official," whereas a chat can seem more relaxed. I have no idea how you were meant to have a nice friendly chat about this topic though!

Do you really think she's asked her other neighbour if they can hear her having sex?

Personally I find disturbing your neighbour with loud sex noises is way ruder than writing a letter asking them to stop, but clearly your neighbour doesn't think that way.

Do you think you can ask her round for coffee? It might be a good way to resolve this.

[Col]

Thanks Sophie, yes that's true thinking about it texts sometimes seem harsh when u read them. I'll see how I feel tomorrow , just soo upset I always get trouble and end up being the one left feeling crap , just generally! This one is a hard one and that's why I waited it out this many times it's happend because I thought don't be hasty she might realize ( a bang on the wall), but no and hence seeding that note! I can't speak for everyone but I'm generally quite loud myself but, she was that bad and I'm sure most people would be as I am annoyed because its horrid to constantly hear all of there noises when ther intimate! It's awful! Thanks for that though:flowers:

---------- Post added at 22:08 ---------- Previous post was at 22:00 ----------

Really appreciate your view also Edie, honestly I hate anyone wo genuinely is on the receiving end to end up being the one getting told off in some manner, and it being twisted back onto them! I'll definitely think about that , she might think she's got the moral high ground a- saying my letter was rude and b, using the neighbors To suggest I'm over reacting which backs her up about ' the little chat' she thinks we should have had! So I'm meant to approach her embarrass myself broaching this subject??? How would she have reacted if I would have said something to her face? Would she not be even more embarressed by that??? I think she's exactly what I though stuck up and very confident infact brazen! So upset hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow x

[Tyke]

Hi Col

Whatever you had done with this neighbour she would have found fault with. At some level she probably knows she is in the wrong, but she is twisting it around to put the blame back on you to hide her own embarrassment. Don't let her get to you. Confident brazen people often do this.

A rather amusing thought occured to me with this one. I would never have suggested that you do it (as it would certainly escalate matters), but it would have been funny to have recorded these goings on and then immediately play them back through the wall full blast as a demonstration!

Seriously though, I think the best thing is to try and cool it. No more letters, try and be friendly. At least she does seem embarrassed, which is positive. She is not saying to hell with you, I do what I want in my own home etc., which she could have done (many truly awful people would). You should at least have some improvement on the sound front.

Best Wishes
Tyke :)

[Col]

Thanks Tyke, you know I live in Sheffield and my daughter had a school trip to London this morning and we were up at 5am to be out for 6 am, hence being on here sooo early & to be honest I have not slept a wink ! Every time I though ohh got to get up with My daughter Id close my eyes and think about that neighbour! Yes your right - the women is outrageously brazen and what ever I'd have done she would have tried to twist it! I've bided my time and everything I've said to my hubby 4 sooo long , I'm gonna send a note. & haven't !! Its one of my pet hates, inconsiderate piss taking people who do wrong continuously and when pulled up about it, turn round and say I've done nothing OR twist it back round onto you ! Sooo unfair as I told her in the lette I would have never sent a letter but this is how bad this has got! My husband doesn't like confrontation and on that basis took it out on me last night - her posting a letter back! Despite him being as annoyed as me & he told me some other things hes explicitly heard them doing whilst I've slept through it & he's been woken up! Horrid horrid. Thanks soo much though I suffer with anxiety as it is and not sleeping makes it worse - she was keeping us up with her erotica and now I'm not sleeping because she's just simply out of order! And she knows it.

Col :winks:

[Pipkin]

Hi there,

It's a really sensitive situation and it must be very upsetting and frustrating as you can't get away from it. I agree with Edie that the best way to resolve it is face to face. It will be quite uncomfortable but I reckon you'll be able to clear it up.

Bite the bullet and give it a go. It can't be worse than how you're feeling now.

Pip x

[PokerFace]

People are unbelievable sometimes. If my neighbor posted a note like that through my door I'd be mortified and apologise straight away! I'd also be grateful they didn't do it to my face as that would probably be the most awkward situation ever.

As the others said, try to resolve it face to face and be nice about it just to save yourself anxiety over your neighbor in the future. Maybe you could say something like "I'm sorry if it came across rude, I thought a letter would be more suitable because it's a sensitive situation. I want no ill feelings between us as we're neighbors and I'd like to be able to get on and again, I'm very sorry if this caused you any upset or embarassment."

I know it's frustrating having to think about her feelings in all of this because she's the one in the wrong and has unbelievably twisted this all back on you, but sometimes we have to swallow our pride to make our own lives easier.

Let us know how it goes, hope it all works out well. x