View Full Version : I did a stupid, stupid thing
talkinghelps
16-11-12, 16:23
Hi,
I've been suffering from anxiety for years, mainly since I came off citalopram (an anti depressant) that I was on for 4 years. Since I came off that i've had trouble with twitches, depression, worrying, panic attacks and constant hypochondria.
Things have been getting better lately, i've moved in with my girlfriend and things are going well. Only this time last week, when driving back from a shop, I did something ridiculous, and I can't explain why. My girlfriend had sent me a photo (slightly rude) to me that morning, and I thought i'd return the favour. In a complete spur of the moment situation, I pulled into a country lane, got naked and prepared to take a photo of myself naked for her. Looking back on it, it was the most ridiculous place to do it, it's not something I ever do, it's not something i'd ever do again, believe me, since I suffer from anxiety and i'm terrible with 'catastrophic thinking'.
As I was about to take the photo, in what I thought was a dead, country road that nobody ever came through, a car appeared out of nowhere. I was blocking the road (only enough room for one car). He was in a 4x4 whilst I was in a lower down sporty type car. I panicked and reversed backwards, all the way backwards for about 20-30 yards (it felt like forever) with him following right behind me. I then reversed round a bend expecting him to jump out his car and accuse me of being a pervert, but instead he just waved to acknowledge me reversing and carried on.
I cannot explain how horrible I feel. It was a completely stupid, stupid thing to do and I feel like i've just ruined my own life. I'm terrified that he saw me naked and assumed I must be a horrible pervert/flasher so called the police on me. I've spent literally every day worrying that police are going to turn up at my house, my work, that im going to be pulled over. The night before the local papers came out, I was so worried there'd be some cctv image or article about me, or a description of me, I didn't sleep at all, in fact i've hardly slept all week. I've been relying on alcohol to get me tipsy enough to sleep.
It happened 7 days ago, and I haven't changed at all since that day. Constant guilt, shame, paranoia, constantly checking my local crime/news websites trying to see if its been reported. I'm constantly going over it, thinking how completely, completely stupid i've been, what an idiot I was. If i've been reported, and I get arrested, that's it for my entire career, my life, everything will go. I'll be labelled a pervert and nobody will want anything to do with me. My life would be over.
I don't know who to talk to, I don't feel like I deserve to talk to anyone because it was my own stupid fault and such an idiotic thing to do, to risk everything. I just didnt think at the time and I don't know what came over me.
I don't know what else to say. I usually talk to my mum about absolutely everything, she's kept me strong when i've had problems before but I obviously can't tell her this.
It's been 7 days and I can't see it ever ending. I'm constantly going to be looking over my shoulder in fear of being pulled over by the police and arrested.
This might not be the right place to air this and I apologise if it isn't. I just dont know who else to talk to.
I am sure he hardly noticed and probably didn't, even if he did I guess he may have had a little smile to himself so stop worrying about it. I really don't think anyone is going to come looking for you.
talkinghelps
16-11-12, 16:35
I am sure he hardly noticed and probably didn't, even if he did I guess he may have had a little smile to himself so stop worrying about it. I really don't think anyone is going to come looking for you.
That's the problem, I can't stop worrying about it and I don't know how to shake this feeling of guilt, shame and paranoia. Its affecting everything.
We all do what we think are stupid things at some time in our life's and I know that it is quite hard to forget about them. If someone had told you they had done this what would you say to them? In the scheme of things it wasn't really that bad so don't beat yourself up over it.
almamatters
16-11-12, 17:12
I agree, find me someone who has not done something that was stupid embarrassing etc etc, I know you feel an idiot at the minute, but the feelings will pass . Try not to worry about it too much, like Annie said the driver may not have even noticed. :flowers:
Put yourself in the position of that driver. If you were driving along and some naked guy was blocking the road (if he notied you were naked), and he looked incredibly embarrassed, I would have found it pretty funny. You probably gave that guy something to smile about.
If you were the person in the land rover, I highly doubt you would ring the police.
Then, so what if the police came round and interiewed you? You would explain what you were doing and your girlfriend could back you up and you would apologise and they would let you go.
talkinghelps
16-11-12, 17:26
I just don't know when I can stop worrying about the Police showing up. It's been a week, i've driven around, would they have stopped me by now if they'd received a complaint?
I am sure that the police have a lot more important things to do than follow this up, even if they did they would only caution you and tell you not to do it again. I really think you have nothing to worry about.
talkinghelps
16-11-12, 17:39
I am sure that the police have a lot more important things to do than follow this up, even if they did they would only caution you and tell you not to do it again. I really think you have nothing to worry about.
I understand what you're saying but a police caution is a criminal record, which will always be on my file. And not only that, it'd be in the local papers, everyone would know about it and draw their own conclusions.
Yes they'd probably have stopped you, only one person maybe saw you so only one person would be able to make the complaint.
He probably didn't even see you and if he did he wouldn't think you were a flasher because if you were, surely you wouldn't be naked in a deserted country lane and be somewhere more public? Like the others said, IF he did notice you were naked, it probably was just funny to him! :)
I really feel for you, it's horrible when you blow things up in your mind like this, you're torturing yourself over this and there's no need to because it's fine. Like Pancho said, if the worst case scenario does happen, you have a perfectly reasonable explanation for what you were doing so the consequences would be minimal. x
I understand what you're saying but a police caution is a criminal record, which will always be on my file. And not only that, it'd be in the local papers, everyone would know about it and draw their own conclusions.
I am sure they would not even come to see you and I am also sure that the person in the 4x4 wouldn't even report it and probably didn't even notice. A caution wouldn't give you a criminal record and I am sure you won't get one anyway. I don't think it would be interesting enough news to go in the newspaper. You are really letting this take over your mind and I know I worry about things a lot so know where you are coming from but believe me and everyone else who has commented...You have nothing to worry about.
talkinghelps
16-11-12, 17:55
Thank you Annie. I hope you're right.
For what it's worth, I get like this over everything. A small symptom is always the worst case scenario. Last month I convinced myself I had lou gherigs disease because I had some twitches in my muscles.
Sparkle1984
16-11-12, 17:58
Welcome to the forums, it clearly sounds like you're suffering from catastrophic thinking (something I have trouble with myself). Was there any particular reason you came off citalopram? If it wasn't working for you, you could always ask your doctor to prescribe a different medication. There are so many medications for anxiety and depression nowadays, there's bound to be one which suits you. Also you could ask your doctor about being referred for CBT, as this will help you control your catastrophic thinking and manage your stressful thoughts.
You wouldn't need to mention this particular incident to your doctor, you can just say that you are having problems with intrusive thoughts that are making you uncomfortable, that you are having trouble sleeping due to this and it is causing you a lot of stress in your life. You could also say that you are having trouble with catastrophic thinking and you'd like help to deal with that.
I know what its like, If I think I have done anything wrong anytime I really worry about it so much and it is things that other people would not think twice about.
Sparkle1984
16-11-12, 18:02
I know what its like, If I think I have done anything wrong anytime I really worry about it so much and it is things that other people would not think twice about.
Me too, if I do something silly or something which upsets someone, I tend to ruminate about it a lot. Thankfully now that I've got help I am slowly getting better about this.
talkinghelps
16-11-12, 18:09
Me too, if I do something silly or something which upsets someone, I tend to ruminate about it a lot. Thankfully now that I've got help I am slowly getting better about this.
What help have you had if you don't mind me asking?
When I went on citalopram I was particularly low. I came back from a night out with friends and was so low the next morning I told my mum that i'd considered ending my life. That was the reason I went on citalopram.
I came off after 4 years because I was full of confidence at the time, I had female attention, friends, I felt on top of the world. One of the side effects of citalopram (and other depression meds) is sexual side effects and heavy sweating, so I thought I was ok to come off.
To be honest, I wasn't, as within a year I couldn't get images out of my head of drowning myself or cutting myself (Sorry if this is quite extreme to read) I never actually did it but I obsessed over the images in my head to the point of I felt like I was on the verge of it.
I went back on some different type of anti depressant (can't remember the name) for about 3 weeks, and had the same symptoms again so came off.
Since that, a couple of years have passed, and i've stopped working rotating shifts (caused a big problem sleep wise) and im in a job where there is potential to grow. I rent a house with my partner, we don't argue anymore (much) and i've felt good.
It's just the obsessing over things that gets me down. I'm terrible for googling, terrible for thinking i have illnesses i dont, and ill really obsess over things like convincing myself my partner is cheating on me, that my friends are talking about me etc, that im not doing well in my job and ill be sacked.
I've considered going back on citalopram a few times lately, in the new year it's definitely something Im going to seriously consider.
should also add I have had some CBT after I developed some twitches/irrational thoughts. I didn't really get on well with it.
Sparkle1984
16-11-12, 18:17
I asked for help in August this year and since then I've been on 10mg citalopram and I was also put on a 6-week CBT Stress Control course. I've been feeling a lot better since then. I've had anxiety on and off for many years, but it was only in August that I felt confident enough to ask for help. This particular episode was so severe that I couldn't see any other alternative.
If the citalopram did work for you, then you can ask to go back on it again. It's a shame you've struggled without help for all this time. I probably will try to come off them next year, but if I feel I can't cope I'll ask to go back on them again.
Hey hope thjngs get better pal. I would stop worrying about the police coming, if it had been reported thenthey would of been round by now, a week's a long time.
Chin up I know its hard, I let my mind get the better of me daily
Can I just add; you are a legend and I'm proud of you :roflmao:
Hi,
Firstly you are not an idiot or stupid, you did something funny and spontaneous because you are in love. You didn't hurt anyone and it was a harmless prank, something students do all the time in much more public places and mostly without repercussion. Everyone on here is right - the police will not be interested in finding you even if he did report it, alright it was in a country lane which could be perceived as a little odd but as I say no harm was done. Please try to move on from this incident.
You show good insight to your obsessive nature, which is an excellent start so please try to stop catastrophising about what happened.
Take care
Sam
hellybelly1982
16-11-12, 19:22
Something would have been done by now if the bloke in the landrover had reported it. Not that he would have because he probably didnt even see you and if he did yes he probably thought you were a bit weird but he would have found it funny. Dont feel guilty and ashamed but maybe next time take the photo in your bedroom, dont drive down a country lane. Me and my husband have done some pretty rude stuff like that in the past and we look back on it now and laugh. :sign20: Dont fret, sleep easy
talkinghelps
16-11-12, 20:05
Something would have been done by now if the bloke in the landrover had reported it. Not that he would have because he probably didnt even see you and if he did yes he probably thought you were a bit weird but he would have found it funny. Dont feel guilty and ashamed but maybe next time take the photo in your bedroom, dont drive down a country lane. Me and my husband have done some pretty rude stuff like that in the past and we look back on it now and laugh. :sign20: Dont fret, sleep easy
thanks for the kind words. It's actually helped a lot!
Obviously I won't be fixed overnight. I'm still going to walk around thinking that a couple weeks down the line, some farmer will randomly be going through his specially installed CCTV that monitors his cows 24/7, and will stumble upon video footage of me getting naked in my car...but thats just me.
I think if (I say if because i keep thinking to myself if i start reassuring myself im in the clear, ill suddenly get a knock on the door) im in the clear in a couple of weeks, I might reconsider the citalopram.
Well I am sure the farmer will be delighted to see something a bit more exciting than his boring old cows :D If it helps, my friend is a police sergeant and he has been to my house tonight, obviously I didn't mention who you are but I told him the scenario and he just laughed..he said he is sure the man wouldn't have noticed and if he had then he would have just been amused and also he would have no proof so he would probably just look daft reporting it...so stop worrying!!
MargaretHale
17-11-12, 13:57
Honestly, don't worry...we've all done daft things. If the chap saw I bet he had a bit of a chuckle.
Please stop worrying,
x
My guess is that even if the police saw you, they'd have laughed, and cautioned you rather than telling you that you're bad or perverted... And I think that's what you may really be afraid of. Don't worry, you're not bad. You're in a relationship with some spice, and its just a slip up. Say "whoops!" and let yourself off the hook. It's not really the thing you did that matters, it's the fact that you are allowing yourself to pay way over the odds for it. You can be the judge and give yourself a pardon. ;)
Failing that - here's a story for you to cheer you up... Me and my boyfriend thought we'd get "spicy" in the bathroom one day (he still lived at home with his parents), and he sat me on the sink, and IT CAME OFF THE WALL!!! :roflmao::doh::ohmy:
I honestly did not know where to look when his dad was trying to fix it back onto the wall, and his brother guessed right away how it had happened!!!
:blush::blush::blush::blush::blush::blush::blush:
At least yours wasn't in front of family! LOL...
Be gentle with yourself and try to laugh about it.
:roflmao: Sazza..that has cheered me up and made me laugh. When my husband and I first started seeing each other, we were kissing goodbye in the car and I suddenly felt like we were moving! we were, the handbrake wasn't on properly and the car had started to roll down the road!! See we all do daft things!! :D
Sparkle1984
17-11-12, 18:19
Sazza that story made me laugh too! :roflmao:I like reading embarrassing stories (even though it must have been awful at the time!)
I know! I wanted the ground to swallow me up but I secretly felt oddly proud too! :whistles: Hahahaha!
sophieunderscore
17-11-12, 18:34
Oh god, this is so embarrassing, my boyfriend and I have actually be caught by the police engaging in ahem activities - all they cared about was checking we weren't doing drugs or causing chaos (was in a field in pitch dark, the were driving through as I think a lot of drug dealing happens around there - we were very drunk and with friends and had wandered off!) anyway, it was very embarrassing, but even then they just laughed at us and told us to enjoy the evening - I hope my terrible admission helps you to feel better :blush::blush::blush::blush::blush::blush:
talkinghelps
18-11-12, 00:00
Thanks guys, all your messages have helped me feel a lot better! I'm feeling not so bad today, i've tried to keep myself busy.
I'm still looking out the window every time I hear a siren, expecting it to be for me! And i'm still running through scenarios in my head constantly, from the guy seeing me in public and telling everyone im a pervert, the guy coming over to my house and beating me up, my mind has wandered lots today!
Hopefully it'll start dying down in the next few weeks and I can start being normal again.
Sparkle1984
18-11-12, 00:22
I'm glad our messages have helped you feel better. :) Hopefully the obsessive thoughts will die down soon.
talkinghelps
18-11-12, 18:31
Decided i'm going to go back on the citalopram. I'm going to speak to my doctor either this week or the week after. I don't think I can carry on with this constant paranoia/nervousness.
Every 4x4 I see i'm convinced it's the guy, i'm convinced he's going to find me and call me a pervert and everyone will think i'm a pervert. Irrational as it may be, i'm still expecting to see "can you help us find this man" articles on the crime website for my area, or in the paper next week.
I thought i'd have shaken it off by now but I really can't, it's really getting me down.
Hopefully the citalopram will help me in other areas too, for example socially - I often get a feeling of being unable to breathe or swallow properly, and I can never enjoy myself.
I'm sure he would never even recognise you if he saw you again and he probably didn't even notice you in the first place so you must stop worrying about this as you are making yourself ill worrying over something that is not going to happen. It is a good idea going to see your doctor to get help with your anxiety.
talkinghelps
18-11-12, 18:41
I'm sure he would never even recognise you if he saw you again and he probably didn't even notice you in the first place so you must stop worrying about this as you are making yourself ill worrying over something that is not going to happen. It is a good idea going to see your doctor to get help with your anxiety.
I know, i'm trying to stop it getting to me but the thoughts just keep creeping into my head. To be honest i'm glad i've found this forum because there's nobody else I can talk to it about that would understand.
I know what it is like, I am bad myself at over thinking things and worrying about things that rationally I would know would never happen. :hugs:
I totally understand that this has been terrible for you and everything, but...have you re-read the thread together with your girlfriend? It could give you both a good laugh if you think about it from a reader's prospective...
You actually cheered me up on a bad day!:bighug1:
talkinghelps
20-11-12, 18:03
I totally understand that this has been terrible for you and everything, but...have you re-read the thread together with your girlfriend? It could give you both a good laugh if you think about it from a reader's prospective...
You actually cheered me up on a bad day!:bighug1:
Glad it's cheered you up! I've been terrified still all week. I thought I drove past the guy about 10 minutes and he slowed up, I was convinced it was him and he was going to take my number plate down and report me or something.
Difference is between other stories, if a guy finds a couple having sex, he thinks it's hilarious and drives on.
If a guy finds a guy naked in his car, and assumes he's doing something sexual, then he's shocked/horrified and immediately thinks that guy is a pervert. Most people would call the police in that situation, and that's why im terrified.
But like others have said, you'd think something would have happened by now, i'm just hoping i'm not in trouble and i hope the guy doesn't recognise me or live near me.
beastman1103
20-11-12, 22:10
Hi
Hope your feeling better, i know its hard to take onboard what people say but i would try and stop worrying. What would you do if the situation was reversed, you most likely would blow it off and continue with your life as normal without giving it a second thought. This is what the majority of people would do - people are mostly busy getting on with their life and if something doesnt directly affect them or the community then they wouldnt bother.
The person who saw you, if they did, would have to have some form of proof, without that then you would just deny it. Why would they bother, and without any sort of proof the police wouldnt get involved. If the guy did go to the police then they would most likely tell them that there was not much that they could do - think of how quickly the guy went past and then think of how difficult it is to remember a number plate, car type, colour etc - by the time the guy got any distance he would have most likely forgotten - this is what makes eye witnesses so unreliable. You could have been doing anything in your car - if it was me then i would have been changing in my car after going for a long run - what is offensive about that and even if it was, it was an accident - wonder how many people have changed clothes in the car after some sort of event - i know i have
I know its hard to get away from the negative thoughts the only way i can deal with them is to try and dress them up as funny thoughts and think that in say 6 months time ill look back and see how silly they were.
:yesyes:
Hi there,
I agree with the other members who've said you don't need to worry about this. Most of us can relate to the way you're thinking and no amount of reassurance will help because your mind will have a 'what if' to every suggestion made.
The important point is to make sure you're getting help for your anxiety because, even when you're through this particular worry when you realise that nothing is going to happen, it's likely that something else will take its place - I know, it's exactly what used to happen to me.
Take care
Pip
talkinghelps
21-11-12, 17:30
Hi there,
I agree with the other members who've said you don't need to worry about this. Most of us can relate to the way you're thinking and no amount of reassurance will help because your mind will have a 'what if' to every suggestion made.
The important point is to make sure you're getting help for your anxiety because, even when you're through this particular worry when you realise that nothing is going to happen, it's likely that something else will take its place - I know, it's exactly what used to happen to me.
Take care
Pip
Thanks Pip.
I'm hoping, over time the thoughts will go away and ill start to feel less anxious. At the moment i'm fine during work, but i'm not after work. I guess it's that feeling of not knowing what the guy looked like, can't remember exactly what car and I just dont know what he saw. Hopefully In a few weeks ill have forgotten about it.
Hi there,
You will start to forget about it. If I told you some of the things I'd worried about, you'd have a good night laughing about it because some of them are truly ridiculous when I look back. That's just the nature of the illness I suppose.
You far from alone and I understand.
Pip
talkinghelps
28-11-12, 23:23
I'm going away tomorrow for a couple of days and maybe it's the nerves from that but I've been thinking about this still most days. It's got better but today it's gone worse again. I keep thinking every time i hear a siren it's for me, and I was looking on my local news website and there's an article on there about police seeking a bloke who indecently exposed himself in a park and a woman saw. It was a week after my 'incident' and obviously a completely different scenario but I can't help thinking if they're still looking for that guy after 2 weeks, they could still be looking for someone matching my description after 3 weeks. Probably just over thinking again, hope so.
You ARE over thinking. There is a BIG difference between what you did and what that guy did. It was weeks ago now, put it out of your mind, no one is going to be looking for you about it, you need to forget about it.
OK, here is my two cents. I have worked with police and criminal justice and whilst this is not to be taken as gospel, I just wanted to ease your worries.
Firstly - the incident took place a while ago. If there was to be any kind of follow up - it would have happened by now. It definitely wouldn't be on the news, or a website.
Secondly - you are a young guy, in a car, by a field. If you were by a school, or a playground, or a place where there were dozens of people, then it may be treated differently. But you were by yourself.
Thirdly - the guy that drove past probably didn't even see anything. If he had, he would have probably assumed you'd been getting jiggy with your girlfriend who he couldn't see. This happens all across the country (and believe me, I've done it before) with kids.
Fourthly, from a criminal point of view - nobody is going to knock on your door. They will not have sirens blazing for a guy who got a bit naked in a car by the side of a field. The guy who drove past you won't remember you. Your situation doesn't warrant a police visit, a caution or a criminal record - it would be a waste of their time. For the 0.0000001% chance that the police do come round, you have proof via your mobile phone that you and your girlfriend were exchanging saucy messages. You WOULDN'T get a caution. You'd probably just get told to keep your clothes on.
I hope some of that eases your worries.
I have just read through your thread and it made me sad but laugh too. I recognise your difficulty in over catastrophising. If the sky fell in it would be my fault! Can you imagine the police coming to arrest me for that!
No seriously it is vital you continue to seek out support when your thoughts get carried away with you.
I find writing things down and seeing them in black and white helps to break the cycle somewhat. This is a strategy adapted from previous CBT where I look at the evidence for a certain thought against the evidence against it. It's hard to do when you are at the peak of your anxiety state but if you can make a start to take control of the thought and bring back some rationality it does help to ground you. Hope you enjoy your time away xx
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