Not a good day

[alihud]

Hi everyone. I am so so tired. Had a harrowing session with my counsellor. Had a major headache the whole way through. I actually started a counselling course in September as I was in a good place but since starting I've gone downhill rapidly,anxiety and depression gone mad,Infact I'm not sure if I have anxiety or depression or both. I can't make sense of my thoughts and they are going rou d and round and I just want them to shut up. I did call the college where I'm doing the course to try and pull out but I won't be able to get a refund and it cost me a huge amount of money I'm talking thousands. I feel I've made a really bad descision in going ahead with the course. It's causing my physical symptoms to get worse too as I have fibromyalgia and just trying to last a whole day is beyond my limits. I. Don't want to do the course anymore and I don't want anymore counselling,I've been having it for years and it helps me for a while then I have to go back cos I am useless at coping. I've seen my doctor and she has increased my dose of amytriptiline could that be making me more anxious? I'm eating far too much,I lost three and a half stone this year but its going back on really quickly. I'm so ashamed of myself. I know I shouldn't eat the things I do but I can't stop myself. I feel like I'm on the brink of a breakdown.

[Annie0904]

I am so sorry you are having such a bad time at the moment. When having counselling sometimes it does make you feel worse for a little while, I sometimes come home feeling really drained and tired. I am not sure about amytriptiline as I have never taken it, maybe someone else can advise you on that. Sometimes with medications though it does make you feel worse for a few weeks until the new dose kicks in. sending you :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[BobbyDog]

Your health is far more important than the money that you may loose in pulling out of college. Try and concentrate on what you need to do to make yourself better. Perhaps you could postpone the course until you are feeling more positive, or home study for a while. The Amitriptyline increase may make you more anxious for a few day, but hopefully when the side effects calm down you will be able to see things more clearly and find a logical solution.
Don't be ashamed of yourself, you are only human like the rest of us. I take Amitriptyline along with other medications that perhaps slow the metabolism and make me really hungry at times, I have put on weight and was always really slim before.

[Col]

Hi alihud
Could you not defer the course until you can make a clearer decision because, you obviously really must have wanted to do this course by paying soo much! Don't give up! Try and defer & see how you feel in a few months & if u still feel the same at least, you really have thought about this! I don't know your situation , ie kids and if u work as well but, try and rest, eat sensibly have you tried nourishment shakes or complan, if your eating to much of the wrong things or likewise if your eating to little! Sleeps always good :cloud9:

[Tessar]

hi alihud; really sorry to hear your situation.... unfortunatley counselling/therapy etc often makes things feel worse, all the stuff it does drag up. I know how it feels when you can't make sense of your thoughts. When they are going round & round it is really hard to shut them up up. i remember saying to my doctor abut 6 weeks ago "i wish i could just wipe it all out, it's doing my head in". it's understandable you dont feel you want any more counselling. actually i dont think you are useless at coping; you have lots going on & that's going to make it and up & down struggle. quite honestly you do cope but have so much to contend with. please dont be ashamed of yourself coz from what i've seen on your posts etc you are a nice kind caring person. the eating thing probably relates to everything going on in your head - i can remember at one time eating til i was full and then eating more. i'd feel very bad about myself at the time but you know what? i have managed with the help of therapy to pull myself through it. i'm thinking about you & sending loads of KIND, CARING HUGS

[alihud]

Thanks for your replies everyone. I went into college on Saturday and had a long chat with my tutor and the others in my group. Deferring for a year was mentioned as a option but I have formed such a strong bond with my classmates and I feel I would be really loosing out on something special if I left. I also amazed myself on Saturday even though I felt really rubbish iwas still able to listen to others in our listening skills practice and no one had any idea I was feeling so bad. Quite incredible and it gave me confidence. Also one of the ladies in the class suggested I just take one Saturday at a time and see how I go and if I really feel things are still too much I will defer for a year.
I did wonder if the amytriptiline might make my anxiety worse for a bit,I tried to go up to 75 mg but I was waking with the most awful headache so am just staying on the 50 to see how that goes.
I'm so up and down at the mo,it's just mad. I'm actually a really rational person and I'm very self aware but do you know even with that level of awareness and understanding it doesn't stop me being anxious.Mad!