Starmist
16-11-12, 22:28
Hi everyone,
It's been a long time since I first posted on here, but I've felt the need to reach out to others in my situation as I feel like i've pushed everyone away close to me and I don't know what to do anymore...
I'll refresh my story so far...
Around December time last year I was on my way to work (it's a 2 minute walk through a Churchyard or passageway) I took the passageway on my bike, I was almost at the end of it and I suddenly became out of breath and feeling sick. (I must also point out that I have emetophobia) I managed to get off my bike and tried breathing calmly, but my mind was racing with the thoughts of oh god I'm going to be sick.. I'm sure there are people who can relate. I calmed myself slightly and managed to cross the road and get to the shop where I work. Once inside I was fine, like nothing had happened.. Only the next day when I went to work the feelings came back... I struggled to get to work every day, but managed it until 1st February. It was my Cousin's 8th birthday and my partner was supposed to be picking me up to go to her house together. However he was running late so I had to get myself there, I got home and panic arose in me, which I had been getting since December whilst going out to other places other than work...Perhaps brought on by this incident...However, it took me half an hour to call a taxi when it arrived I babbled continously to the taxi driver (he must have thought I was bonkers!) and made it to my Aunts. That was the last time I left the house.. I saw the Doctor (home visit) who diagnosed me with Agoraphobia and referred me to the mental health team in the next town. It took nearly 2 months for them to get me an appointment. The day came around and I saw Tony who incidently I had seen when I was a child (a whole different issue, but poss related somehow?) we talked about the reasons why I thought I'd become agoraphobic etc. I saw him several more times, but on his last visit to me I clammed up... I couldn't speak at all (I don't know whether others get like this?) I find that I can't say any words at all.. which is totally frustrating.. He took the decision to sign me off from his visits and wrote a letter to my Doctor.. Nothing happened for about a month when my partner decided enough was enough, he called back the Mental health team and arranged another appointment with Tony and his colleague. The appointment didn't come for another 5 weeks as his colleague was on sick leave. Finally the appointment came around and their initial visit lasted a whole 15 minutes. Basically what Tony called a 'meet and greet'. Booked an appointment with Sarah for 2 weeks time.. Again 2 weeks passed and I saw Sarah we had a getting to know each other session and arranged another appointment for a fortnights time...same thing happened again another 'getting to know you session'. Once again another appointment for 2 weeks time was arranged... However this time 5 minutes after the appointment start time Sarah rang and said she was too busy to get to me today could we rearrange? I reluctantly agreed and she said she would ring me the next day to pick a day.. The whole day I was waiting, but no phone call. It was the weekend after that so I rang Mon (out of office) I rang every day that week with the same excuse.. SO the next Monday I rang again, I spoke to the receptionist and asked her when she would be in the office so I didn't miss her, where she promptly told me that Sarah was on sick leave and they wasn't sure when she would be back.. So this is where I am right now - My help on sick leave with no return date, myself not having left the house since February, a family who are wishing for me to be at their houses for Christmas and a partner who is starting to drift away from me...
I'm so alone right now, I feel totally abandoned by the NHS and I don't know where to turn right now. I was hoping perhaps someone had some advice for me as I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm so desperate to get out of the house and i've been trying myself, but I can't get past my driveway and I feel like a right failure :(
Any help will be greatly appreciated or even someone to talk to right now...
Thank you in advance and sorry for the super long post
Hannah xxx
It's been a long time since I first posted on here, but I've felt the need to reach out to others in my situation as I feel like i've pushed everyone away close to me and I don't know what to do anymore...
I'll refresh my story so far...
Around December time last year I was on my way to work (it's a 2 minute walk through a Churchyard or passageway) I took the passageway on my bike, I was almost at the end of it and I suddenly became out of breath and feeling sick. (I must also point out that I have emetophobia) I managed to get off my bike and tried breathing calmly, but my mind was racing with the thoughts of oh god I'm going to be sick.. I'm sure there are people who can relate. I calmed myself slightly and managed to cross the road and get to the shop where I work. Once inside I was fine, like nothing had happened.. Only the next day when I went to work the feelings came back... I struggled to get to work every day, but managed it until 1st February. It was my Cousin's 8th birthday and my partner was supposed to be picking me up to go to her house together. However he was running late so I had to get myself there, I got home and panic arose in me, which I had been getting since December whilst going out to other places other than work...Perhaps brought on by this incident...However, it took me half an hour to call a taxi when it arrived I babbled continously to the taxi driver (he must have thought I was bonkers!) and made it to my Aunts. That was the last time I left the house.. I saw the Doctor (home visit) who diagnosed me with Agoraphobia and referred me to the mental health team in the next town. It took nearly 2 months for them to get me an appointment. The day came around and I saw Tony who incidently I had seen when I was a child (a whole different issue, but poss related somehow?) we talked about the reasons why I thought I'd become agoraphobic etc. I saw him several more times, but on his last visit to me I clammed up... I couldn't speak at all (I don't know whether others get like this?) I find that I can't say any words at all.. which is totally frustrating.. He took the decision to sign me off from his visits and wrote a letter to my Doctor.. Nothing happened for about a month when my partner decided enough was enough, he called back the Mental health team and arranged another appointment with Tony and his colleague. The appointment didn't come for another 5 weeks as his colleague was on sick leave. Finally the appointment came around and their initial visit lasted a whole 15 minutes. Basically what Tony called a 'meet and greet'. Booked an appointment with Sarah for 2 weeks time.. Again 2 weeks passed and I saw Sarah we had a getting to know each other session and arranged another appointment for a fortnights time...same thing happened again another 'getting to know you session'. Once again another appointment for 2 weeks time was arranged... However this time 5 minutes after the appointment start time Sarah rang and said she was too busy to get to me today could we rearrange? I reluctantly agreed and she said she would ring me the next day to pick a day.. The whole day I was waiting, but no phone call. It was the weekend after that so I rang Mon (out of office) I rang every day that week with the same excuse.. SO the next Monday I rang again, I spoke to the receptionist and asked her when she would be in the office so I didn't miss her, where she promptly told me that Sarah was on sick leave and they wasn't sure when she would be back.. So this is where I am right now - My help on sick leave with no return date, myself not having left the house since February, a family who are wishing for me to be at their houses for Christmas and a partner who is starting to drift away from me...
I'm so alone right now, I feel totally abandoned by the NHS and I don't know where to turn right now. I was hoping perhaps someone had some advice for me as I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm so desperate to get out of the house and i've been trying myself, but I can't get past my driveway and I feel like a right failure :(
Any help will be greatly appreciated or even someone to talk to right now...
Thank you in advance and sorry for the super long post
Hannah xxx