BLAVOTSKY
17-08-06, 19:51
I wrote this on another site but under another name because somebody else has the user name GAD on this site, It felt good explaining it and getting it out I suppose you can retain a certain amount of anonimity writing on a computer screen which is good. The other site is http://www.anxietyzone.com its an american site but everyone on there has been very helpful
Hey Everyone !
Gonna give a pretty detailed account of how my problems came about so bear with me.......
August 31st 2001 Iam at the hairdressers just getting my hair cut, I was living in holland at the time and had been to a party the night before and had a few pills and a smoke was feeling a little rough but nothing to drastic, was halfway through my hair cut when all of a sudden complete and utter panic took over me I felt I was either gonna sh*t myself or pass out my heart was racing I was sweating and I just had to tell the barber I had left something on the stove and ran out of the barbers to my flat I was sharing with 3 friends and just washed my face down with cold water, the guys were at work so it was empty I had calmed down a little but I was left just really anxious, I finally went back to the barbers and sat there for half an hour in what I can only call complete fright I was sweating still couldnt speak I was shaking but endured the panic and went home, I laid in bed thinking what the hell was wrong with me I thought it may have just been some side effect/come down from the night before so just fell asleep.
I woke up a few hours later tempararilly forgetting what had happened and walked round to the local supermarket for a few bits, at the checkout I felt a little anxious then somebody came and stood behind me and that was it complete and utter panic again I thought I cant move let me out let me out, I put my grocerys down and fled for the door sweating and shaking and just basically scared to hell, I went back to the flat and laid down in bed again, bed seemed to be my only solice from panicking I had a cigarette to calm me but this made it even worse I was scared for the phone ringing, a knock at the door the guys heading back from work, I slept again and woke up the next day, getting ready for work I still felt anxious worried about when and were it will happen again. I made my way to the car, the guys were waiting for me I got in the back and felt really really unesy we drove for about 5 mins when it happened again I screamed "stop the car stop the car let me out" The guys were a bit shocked but let me out I then walked the 2 miles home down a dual carriage way feeling nervous again, Something was definately wrong after a few months of missing days and shortening my hours I finally left my job I couldn't hack it any more I just wanted to be in bed or be asleep, most nights I cried, just with my head in my hands wondering what was wrong just fraught with fear and panic about anything my mind would just run around in itself looking for somewhere to sit and make me panic about something, any situation I wasnt fully in control of I would panic about.
I spent the summer getting drunk all day being that way made me less anxious but more the next day with the hangover,I had stopped smoking pot and everything else I even quit smoking for 3 months because everytime I had one it made me panic even more, I finally came back to england I put up with the panic of trains and taxis everytime I sat somewere I panicked but enough was enough.
I came home and my brother had got me on a college course doing Gas Engineering, my first day I was sh**ting my self I was late and everyone was allready sat down there was one empty seat a went and sat down, fortunately there was a mountain of paperwork so my head was kept busy for a while, the next day waas just as bad, panicking until my head got busy I had gotten into the routine of having to take a bottle of water some chewing gum and a paper or something to read little comfort things to keep my head busy, I finishe the course and passed a year later had a nice job still panicked all the t
Hey Everyone !
Gonna give a pretty detailed account of how my problems came about so bear with me.......
August 31st 2001 Iam at the hairdressers just getting my hair cut, I was living in holland at the time and had been to a party the night before and had a few pills and a smoke was feeling a little rough but nothing to drastic, was halfway through my hair cut when all of a sudden complete and utter panic took over me I felt I was either gonna sh*t myself or pass out my heart was racing I was sweating and I just had to tell the barber I had left something on the stove and ran out of the barbers to my flat I was sharing with 3 friends and just washed my face down with cold water, the guys were at work so it was empty I had calmed down a little but I was left just really anxious, I finally went back to the barbers and sat there for half an hour in what I can only call complete fright I was sweating still couldnt speak I was shaking but endured the panic and went home, I laid in bed thinking what the hell was wrong with me I thought it may have just been some side effect/come down from the night before so just fell asleep.
I woke up a few hours later tempararilly forgetting what had happened and walked round to the local supermarket for a few bits, at the checkout I felt a little anxious then somebody came and stood behind me and that was it complete and utter panic again I thought I cant move let me out let me out, I put my grocerys down and fled for the door sweating and shaking and just basically scared to hell, I went back to the flat and laid down in bed again, bed seemed to be my only solice from panicking I had a cigarette to calm me but this made it even worse I was scared for the phone ringing, a knock at the door the guys heading back from work, I slept again and woke up the next day, getting ready for work I still felt anxious worried about when and were it will happen again. I made my way to the car, the guys were waiting for me I got in the back and felt really really unesy we drove for about 5 mins when it happened again I screamed "stop the car stop the car let me out" The guys were a bit shocked but let me out I then walked the 2 miles home down a dual carriage way feeling nervous again, Something was definately wrong after a few months of missing days and shortening my hours I finally left my job I couldn't hack it any more I just wanted to be in bed or be asleep, most nights I cried, just with my head in my hands wondering what was wrong just fraught with fear and panic about anything my mind would just run around in itself looking for somewhere to sit and make me panic about something, any situation I wasnt fully in control of I would panic about.
I spent the summer getting drunk all day being that way made me less anxious but more the next day with the hangover,I had stopped smoking pot and everything else I even quit smoking for 3 months because everytime I had one it made me panic even more, I finally came back to england I put up with the panic of trains and taxis everytime I sat somewere I panicked but enough was enough.
I came home and my brother had got me on a college course doing Gas Engineering, my first day I was sh**ting my self I was late and everyone was allready sat down there was one empty seat a went and sat down, fortunately there was a mountain of paperwork so my head was kept busy for a while, the next day waas just as bad, panicking until my head got busy I had gotten into the routine of having to take a bottle of water some chewing gum and a paper or something to read little comfort things to keep my head busy, I finishe the course and passed a year later had a nice job still panicked all the t