Rik
18-08-06, 02:10
First of all i would like to apologise because im rubbish at shortening things and tend to repeat myself, but i will try and keep it short and simple.....
Well i have been on this site quite alot and have not posted my story yet because im finding it hard but i know i need to and its on my mind so,
well i believe i started having small attacks few years back but knew nothing of them as i was young, i also use to get my self over excited about things that i'd make myself physically ill (not sure if this is realated tho), also i have been mugged a number of times, im 17 now.
A few years back my family moved to the Isle Of Wight, which where i realised i was starting to get frightened, but it wasnt intill we disided to move back to our home town i remember going, on the ferry for the last time moving the stuff back, and it was very choppy but i didnt mind boats then we were queing up for food then i went ll wierd inside, shakey felt sick my mouth was dry and there was loads of people around me, and then i felt worse and worse, i wanted a drink my body tried to make me vomit, but i never did it was horrible.
After that i believe it was a long time before i had anotther attack that bad, but i never went on holiday i wouldnt stay over friends houses, but i would still go out, also i felt sick every single day going to school not that i got bullied but i just never liked it, after a year after we finally got our house, my mum convienced me to go on holiday again so i did, first week was fine and i felt over the moon but then the second week came and the tables turned, i was feeling sick going down to the pool, and when we went down the beach i had another attack and hieved again but never throw up, after that i was pretty much stuck in the hotel room i was scared out of my life knowing that i had to go out there to go home, i made it back home but i believe i did because i was thinking of home and felt safe although it wasnt pleasent. I remember having high hopes but had a small housebound then aswell but got over it quickly but cant remember how.
So i was back to normal but still did not go to sleep round friends and no way did i go on holiday again, but i felt happy school was ending soon and i had no more of it and i can go to work. a few years went on and i got better over time, i got a apprentice working at renault as a machanic and even got over the fear of leaving home as my training was up in nottingham, every 2 months for 2 weeks, i was very scared about it but when i did it i felt so good afterwards when i got home, and i was up for anything no fear atall... but then as i was doing nothing oftern as going away i seemed to be scared of leaving home again when i next had to go up there, but i did but i couldnt do it the second time and left the next day and quit, i went back to work with my dad as a domestic eletrician which i enjoy doing, but went back to scared going on holiday stuff, then september last year it was my sisters 21st and my mum booked a surprise holiday trip for her and the family to new york obviouskly i knew about it but i was so scared again, i couldnt work out why, most people would go yes new york i cant wait, but i was like do i have to go?
The time came to go and i wanted to do it for my sister i didnt want to let her down after all it was only 3 nights so i thought about it and it didnt seem that bad i went and i felt back to normal, came back and was fine i had all my self confidence back, went back to college aswell, but then i guess every up side as a down one, i couldnt stop it and it was taking over my life, i was getting scared againg going out and to college it wasnt so much going there but actually there sitting in the classroom, but it got worse and i couldnt take it, so from last year December ive been home bound :(.
I have made some improvements from december buut i am finding it very hard to go out, i do walk the dog ever night tho which i started maybe a month or 2 ago, but i believe its getting just like a routine and im starting to panic again when o
Well i have been on this site quite alot and have not posted my story yet because im finding it hard but i know i need to and its on my mind so,
well i believe i started having small attacks few years back but knew nothing of them as i was young, i also use to get my self over excited about things that i'd make myself physically ill (not sure if this is realated tho), also i have been mugged a number of times, im 17 now.
A few years back my family moved to the Isle Of Wight, which where i realised i was starting to get frightened, but it wasnt intill we disided to move back to our home town i remember going, on the ferry for the last time moving the stuff back, and it was very choppy but i didnt mind boats then we were queing up for food then i went ll wierd inside, shakey felt sick my mouth was dry and there was loads of people around me, and then i felt worse and worse, i wanted a drink my body tried to make me vomit, but i never did it was horrible.
After that i believe it was a long time before i had anotther attack that bad, but i never went on holiday i wouldnt stay over friends houses, but i would still go out, also i felt sick every single day going to school not that i got bullied but i just never liked it, after a year after we finally got our house, my mum convienced me to go on holiday again so i did, first week was fine and i felt over the moon but then the second week came and the tables turned, i was feeling sick going down to the pool, and when we went down the beach i had another attack and hieved again but never throw up, after that i was pretty much stuck in the hotel room i was scared out of my life knowing that i had to go out there to go home, i made it back home but i believe i did because i was thinking of home and felt safe although it wasnt pleasent. I remember having high hopes but had a small housebound then aswell but got over it quickly but cant remember how.
So i was back to normal but still did not go to sleep round friends and no way did i go on holiday again, but i felt happy school was ending soon and i had no more of it and i can go to work. a few years went on and i got better over time, i got a apprentice working at renault as a machanic and even got over the fear of leaving home as my training was up in nottingham, every 2 months for 2 weeks, i was very scared about it but when i did it i felt so good afterwards when i got home, and i was up for anything no fear atall... but then as i was doing nothing oftern as going away i seemed to be scared of leaving home again when i next had to go up there, but i did but i couldnt do it the second time and left the next day and quit, i went back to work with my dad as a domestic eletrician which i enjoy doing, but went back to scared going on holiday stuff, then september last year it was my sisters 21st and my mum booked a surprise holiday trip for her and the family to new york obviouskly i knew about it but i was so scared again, i couldnt work out why, most people would go yes new york i cant wait, but i was like do i have to go?
The time came to go and i wanted to do it for my sister i didnt want to let her down after all it was only 3 nights so i thought about it and it didnt seem that bad i went and i felt back to normal, came back and was fine i had all my self confidence back, went back to college aswell, but then i guess every up side as a down one, i couldnt stop it and it was taking over my life, i was getting scared againg going out and to college it wasnt so much going there but actually there sitting in the classroom, but it got worse and i couldnt take it, so from last year December ive been home bound :(.
I have made some improvements from december buut i am finding it very hard to go out, i do walk the dog ever night tho which i started maybe a month or 2 ago, but i believe its getting just like a routine and im starting to panic again when o