struggling

[swgrl09]

just bawled my eyes out for a while ... been home alone this weekend again, fiance's flights were delayed so alone even longer ... thinking about my mom and how much i miss her ... my dad told me this weekend that he and my sister are also struggling lately ... that time of year. he also told me that they had planned that my mom would stop working and help us when we (my sisters and i) started having children. spending time with my nephew made me sad knowing that she would have been the best grandma ever and he has no grandmother. he is missing out, we all are.

this is the second holiday season since she died ... and yet it feels harder than the first time. why is that?

[Tyke]

These anniversries are always tough. Being without your fiance is also making you feel worse. My mother-in-law passed away just before christmas a few years ago. It was so traumatic and it overshadowed christmases for quite a while after. It's true that it does get better overall with time, but you still have down periods when you ask why. My mother-in-law was a super gran but she only just saw the kids in for the briefest of times before she left us. It seems so unfair when she was such a good person and yeah our kids have really missed out, only one of my kids having a vague memory of her from early childhood.

Try to focus on the positives. You still have your sister and nephew to cherish. My wife had already lost her only sibling due to a car crash by the time she lost her mum with no nieces or nephews. At least your sister will be there for you feeling exactly the same. The pain does ease over time, but you will always miss your mom. It is a little easier to accept as the years move on. I always say to my wife about her mum wanting her to be happy and she would hate to think we were grieving so much we couldn't escape from the sadness.

Tyke :)

[BobbyDog]

This is such a struggle for you, losing your mum is one of the most difficult and traumatic experiences you could possibly go through. It is hard knowing that she will never see her grandchildren grow up. The pain will get easier over time. Try and think of all the happy times that you shared together, the positive influence that she was to yourself, your sister and father. She lives on in her children and grandchildren, celebrate her life and the love she gave you all.

Sarah.

[Annie0904]

I think Sarah and Tyke have said most of what I would say so just want to send you hugs :bighug1::bighug1::bighug1: xx

[Starmist]

My partners Dad died on NYE almost 5 years ago now and it's the hardest time of the year for him and the whole family. My Nan died on 4th Jan almost 3 years ago so once we get over NY it's back to being down again. Christmas is usually okay, but obviously everyone wants to party as it's NYE, but the family is always tinged with a hint of sadness. Last year we lit some chinese lanterns with letters to heaven attached. It seemed like a bit of a weight lifting off their shoulders saying all the things to him that we couldn't because he's not here. Perhaps that may be something you can try?

As others have said cherish your Nephew and your family and think of although we've all lost people we have to be strong for the others we have. We're all here for each other :)

[panickyme]

Awww sorry you are going through such a hard time. I am here if you need me. :hugs:

[swgrl09]

Thanks everybody for your really thoughtful words :hugs:I had a rough night last night. I had a dream that I was with her and I was so upset when it ended I woke up crying and kept crying for two hours at 4 AM ... now I am at work and just feel like crap. I miss her so much. Maybe I will call my sister later to talk ... Thanksgiving is Thursday and we found out she had Stage 4 cancer the day after Thanksgiving. It came out of nowhere. The next month and a half will be hard. I just want to talk to her again. I feel like last year (the first year after we lost her) I was so numb I didn't feel it as much ... and now I feel like 100x.

Thank you all again for your really kind words and support. :hugs::hugs::hugs:

---------- Post added at 07:43 ---------- Previous post was at 07:41 ----------

Also I like the idea of the lanterns, starmist. that's really beautiful

[swgrl09]

having a lot of trouble getting through work today ...

[Annie0904]

Aww bless you, I wish there was something I could do to help you...more hugs needed :hugs::hugs::hugs: When my youngest son first started school I used to put lots of (imaginary) kisses up his sleeve before he went to school on a morning so if he didn't feel good at any time he could take one out. I will have to send you lots of virtual hugs to help you through the day :hugs::hugs::hugs: xx

[swgrl09]

Thanks Annie, it means a lot :)

I just don't know why I am suddenly feeling this bad and cannot shake it. We're going to the movies later to try to take my mind off of things. Seeing the new James Bond ... not my thing, but I'm up for distraction.

[Annie0904]

Everyone I know who has seen it says it is the best one yet so I hope you enjoy it :) xx