Complete embarrassment

[Jennie J]

I had to give a leaving speech to a group of colleagues and I pretty much had a panic attack in front of them.
I can’t even remember what I said, but I don’t think it made sense. They didn’t know how to react. From the moment I opened my mouth it was awful. I just completely lost it. I was a quivering wreck. They were all looking at each other or down at the floor. I finished it off quickly and my boss looked at me as if to say "thank god", but the damage was done. i wish someone had grabbed me and taken me out the room, saving me from myself. I think they were all waiting for someone to do something.
It was like an alien had taken over my body. My boss looked at me like I was an alien.
I was so embarrassed. This had happened in front of colleagues I had known for six years. I feel totally humiliated.
After it had happened a few people came over, but the look on their faces was one of horror. It was only while I was walking home that I realised just what an utter embarrassment I had made of myself. I didn’t sleep or eat for two days and nights. I can’t eat very much still and I was physically sick two days after the event. It’s all I can think about. I keep reliving the experience in my head and it won’t go away.
I wanted to see some of my colleagues again, but after what happened, I never want to see them again or even get an email from them. I doubt anyone will contact me because of what happened. The new company I am going to sometimes works with my old company so I am bound to bump into them at some point.
I feel physically ill from the experience.
I know I can do things to alleviate future anxiety but how do I ever get over the embarrassment. I imagine them all gossiping and talking about me. I imagine it’s all over the company by now. I’m mortified.

[fozzy is crying]

It happens to us all. Hell it has happened to me more times than I can remember. Those that laugh the most will be the ones also that would do a damn sight worse if they had to do it.


Gordon

:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:

[BobbyDog]

It is a horrible demeaning feeling to have a panic attack in front of people, especially work colleagues or friends. A lot of people who have never seen someone in such distress would be frightened and concerned, that would explain the look of horror on their faces. You think they will be laughing behind your back, but they will have forgotten what happened very quickly. Give them the benefit of your doubt, most people are kind and caring. Take the bull by the horns and get in contact ASAP, the longer you leave it the harder it will be.

[Serenitie]

We are all human. We all get anxious. Try not to berate yourself or dwell on what others may or may not think. You did nothing wrong. Anxiety is completely normal. Your feelings surrounding this will lessen and pass in time. Put this to one side and enjoy your new job :hugs:

“You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt

“Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
― Bernard M. Baruch

[Col]

Ahh Jennie, that's awful & I like you, dwell on things that upsets me soo much I don't sleep.
The minute I'm disturbed by the need to go to the loo or my son wanting his bottle , that's is, I won't go back to sleep & that in itself - isn't good! Sleep is vital especially when you suffer anxiety! A panic attack in front of people, must be awful, I know it's easy for me to say but, it's done now & with time you will feel better! I think you did well even contemplating getting up to talk , never mind actually doing it!
Get in touch with some of them, that actually might help?

Takecare xxx

[Pinktel]

If you can get to a place where you lose the fear of that happening, somehow find a way to feel unconcerned that you are panicking in front of people, I bet it would never happen again. Easier said than done!!! Having a panic attack infront of others is my own particular nightmare so totally understand where you are coming from.
The decent minded will feel only concern for you and wish for you to get better. Those who gossip and make fun of your reaction are best avoided anyway. They probably talk about you (and everyone else) behind your back anyway so if it wasn't about the panic attack it would be about something else.
If you can free yourself of the stigma in your mind of what happened you will be a great way towards being panic free.
This is something I am working really hard on currently, it is difficult though!

[starlight78]

Oh Jennie, I totally understand. The same thing happened to me a couple of years ago! I was giving a talk to a group of doctors alongside several of my colleagues. They did their bit of the talk and then it came to my bit... And I stares to freak out! I started to mumble and sweat, I couldn't see straight, my heart was thumping. I'm not sure what I even said, accept that it was crap! I was mortified!! I cried and cried, so embarrassed...
But to be honest, now I look back and I don't really care. It's still a bit cringeworthy, but I didn't hurt anyone, I wasn't rude, I just had a panic attack. Anyone decent and worth worrying about will have felt sorry for me. It really doesn't feel that big of a deal anymore.

X x

[Jecada]

Hi Jennie,

I had a similar experience at work about 2 years ago...it was before i went on my medication. I had to do a "presentation" of some sorts in front of my collegues whom I work very closely with. I know them all, i've chatted with them all (comfortably) before, but for some reason i had the exact same reaction as you. It was like i wasn't even in my own body. I'm not even sure anyone understood or heard what i said. It was horrible, but i just kept going because i knew it would be more embarrassing not to finish.

I know it is horrible, but don't be discouraged. After i finished...luckily people said i did very well (although i know they were just being nice). But that's okay. I just acted like nothing happened (which was hard) but until i saw your post, i had totally forgot about it!! So that's a plus! Please don't worry... Just think of it this way...when someone else gets embarrassed in front of people or has a "moment" you probably forget about it...and so will they!

I hope you start to feel better soon!

Jecada

[MissyC_54]

You're not alone. I've had many a panic attack in front of work colleagues. Still makes me cringe when I think about it. If they don't contact you then thats their loss.

[Tyke]

Your colleagues were probably more sympathetic than you thought. If they were nice people they probably really felt for you, but just didn't know what to say or do. I had a panic attack in a works training class once and left the room due to it. I felt mortified. The next day when I went back my colleagues were really nice and supportive.

I also had a big one during a job interview which was made worse by the fact I had to sit a test first which I just couldn't do. My mind went blank in the room and they must have thought what a waste of space I was! I must have seemed like I had an IQ of nil and got someone else to do my application! They were so polite though and just kept saying things like 'hmmm you don't seem sure about this' and 'are you sure you want to proceed with your application?'. I couldn't face coming clean about anxiety and panic in the interview and by then I felt I'd pretty much blown it anyway. I was just SO glad to get out!!!

Tyke :)

[Anxious_gal]

Just tell them you had low blood sugar or something. I find people are more understanding towards physical complaints.