feeling rubbish

[LittleSpider]

I've suffered with depressive anxiety on & off for over 13 years but I've never felt as low as I'm feeling right now, I cannot motivate myself to do anything I just feel like I'm no use to anyone and I feel completely worthless. I had my meds changed in Sept from 150mg of Sertraline to a 15mg tablet of Mirtazapine (the Dr said he'd review it in 3 months) I have started to have severe panic attacks quite regularly and I even wake up in a panic state when I'm in bed (the Dr as given me Propranolol 10 mg tabs to slow my heart rate down), I also suffer from Type 1 diabetes (26 yrs +) and have 4-5 insulin injections daily, I have a very supportive husband and a 14 year old son but I cannot seem to find a way out of this "darkness", I don't know what to do any more, I'm 41 years old and it feels like my life is passing me by, I make excuses so I don't have to socialise with friends but now I feel that my husband and son are "missing out" because of me, I just don't know what to do anymore

[LindsayD]

Hi LittleSpider, I know just how you feel about your husband and son. I am a wife and mum to two young children (6 and 5) and I am constantly thinking about how this is affecting their life and how much better their lives would be to have a 'normal' mummy! I too am taking Propranolol at the moment and I do find this really helps me as it is the crippling panic that takes over. I have not had this for four years and then after a recent nasty throat infection and then tonsilitis, my panic/anxiety has returned with a vengeance. The propranolol allows me to function but it does not take away these thoughts in my mind of hopelessness.
I'm just trying to take one little step at the time as I know it was time and rest that has worked for me in the past. My doctor wants me to return to work tomorrow (I teach in a comprehensive school) but I know that I am not ready and don't understand why he can't see that also! My husband is very supportive though and we will probably have to make the difficult decision of me taking unpaid leave or resigning from my post. Hopefully then in time I will be able to return to work but maybe not as intense/similar as before.
I am here for you if you need me, just message. There are so many lovely people on this site, if we can all help each other just a little bit, that's a massive amount of help xxx:hugs:

[Emphyrio]

Have you tried things like supplements/exercise? I've been taking buffered magnesium glycinate (its expensive but easily absorbable) for the last 3 days which does seem to be making me more relaxed - oily fish and b vitamins have also been documented to be helpful to some people.

Also, try to take small steps at a time. I've sometimes stayed in bed/wasted the whole day watching tv when I've felt down, which is probably the worst thing to do. Its better to try and get out of bed and do something small if you can, like talk to a neighbour/have coffee with a friend, go for a walk, etc - its remarkable how small things can really lift your mood (in my experience at least).