Attachment issues in school environment

[GirlAfraid23]

Hi guys,

This is a bit of a strange post and is making me slightly uncomfortable writing about it but I think I have to.
I work in a primary school, a reception class actually and the children there are all lovely. However one particular little boy has attached himself to me since day one.
I'm not sure why or how it happened but he is constantly with me and won't leave my side a lot of the time.
Whenever he see's me come into the classroom in the morning he will run up to me with his arms out, today when he got told off at school by another teaching assistant he started crying and instantly came to me to cuddle me and try and sit on my lap to be comforted.
Of course he's only 4 years old and from what I know he doesn't see his parents much at home as they both work full time and have often missed out of school plays etc. So I can see why he craves the attention.

But being the naturally attached/obsessive person that I am, I'm starting to worry that I will get too attached to him. I also don't want any teachers/pupils to think he is my favourite or I am giving him special treatment.
I would really love my own child soon and so perhaps this is partly the issue, my maternal "broody" instinct kicking in. My partner isn't so keen just yet.
I am also anxious about this because I don't want him to become reliant on me if that makes any sense.
Just to be clear this isn't in any "odd" way either.
Anyone got any tips? Its making me quite anxious.

[Annie0904]

I work in a school too and this has happened to me before, it is quite difficult in a school situation, but I think especially in a primary school young children do tend to 'attach' themselves to a member of staff they feel comfortable with. If he is coming to you when he has been in trouble with another member of staff then I think you should be quite firm with him and back up the other member of staff by letting him know that whatever he did was wrong. Try to guide him into group interactions when he comes to you so that others are involved and not just him. I hope this helps.

[Edie]

I can understand this situation is a difficult one and would make you anxious.

Do you have a colleague you trust who you could discuss the best approach with? The boy seems to be struggling and might benefit from some support in settling into school. 4 is very young, and presumably he only started school a few months ago, so it's all quite new and different to anything he will have experienced before, so it's understandable that some kids find that hard.

My only suggestion is that maybe what he needs is some support to integrate with the other children instead of turning to you. I think it would be in the best interests of the child to integrate with his peers, and will also make things easier for you.

[Starmist]

I worked in a Nursery a few years ago and I had a child who became incredibly attached to me. I know it's slightly different to a school environment as there is not as much learning that takes place.

However, as I was a student I used to only work 4 days a week. On the Monday's when I was off the staff would complain to me that I had mothered her so much that no one could calm her or control her while I wasn't there. She would always come to me for cuddles if she had fought with another child or someone else had told her off. I had a great relationship with her Mum (I think it was because we were of similar age)

The way I managed to get her back to being able to go to someone else if I wasn't there was starting slowly. I used to arrange an activity and ask her and another child to help me pass items to set up - gaining her trust of another child. I would then go into the activity with a group of children and another member of staff. I would usually always have her sit next to me, but I made it so I rotated the children with the other member of staff. When she got up to follow I asked her to sit down, which she did. After she gained the trust of another staff member I would like the activity and go out of sight for a couple of minutes. Then make it longer every time. It took a few weeks, but eventually she would go to which ever member of staff was around. Sadly she and her parents moved back to Portugal (worst day of my life!!!) and I was the one missing her!

So I agree as Edie says integrating with other children is the step forward. Maybe talk with the other teaching assistant and ask for her to do some one to one activities (if this is possible) with her so he starts having fun with her and becomes her friend?

I hope i've been helpful and not just rambled on!

Hannah x