What is wrong with me?

[Elle-Kay]

I'm sorry everyone, but I'm having a bit of a "poor me" evening :(

I've felt recently like I've been doing so well with my anxiety - I'd gotten back into the habit of going dancing, I've been out with friends, eaten out with family, and seen results from my CBT practice in the things I do recently too. But this week I just feel like I'm... lost I suppose.

I went to my Herbalist on Monday, and he said that the clinical signs are that I'm making progress. I should be pleased, but all my confidence is being overshadowed by worrying about my weight, because when he weighed me I have managed to lose 2lbs in 7 weeks, when I was aiming to put weight on. I feel cheated, because I thought I was doing well with my eating - I've been eating 3 proper meals a day (I used to skip breakfast, and sometimes lunch too), and have been having some snacks. I was sure that I would have at least maintained my weight as it was, and am gutted that I've lost some. It's really knocked my confidence, and for the past two days I've finished my breakfast & lunch, but have only managed to eat half of my dinner. This has left me eating less calories than even an average woman should, let alone someone who's trying to put on weight.

I just don't know what to do. I'm spending all afternoon (after lunch) uncomfortably full, cramming in as much food as I can at dinner (but even then not managing to clean my plate), and spending the evening feeling over-full, and slightly nauseous even, which is making me feel anxious (on top of stressed) because feeling sick is an anxiety trigger for me.

I know I've supposedly had this stomach virus since Sunday, which I suppose is affecting my relationship with food at the moment, but I'm starting to get really confused as now I don't know whether I'm feeling virus symptoms, or anxious, so I don't know whether to go easy on my stomach or push on through if it is anxiety.

On top of this, I said to my Herbalist on Monday that I'd been feeling a bit low. He asked me to elaborate, and I found it difficult but eventually settled on saying that I would best describe it as being tearful over nothing, annd having "can't-be-arsed-itis" (as in: I can't be arsed to do anything, and spend most of the time sitting on the sofa with my laptop, and the telly on). Well, he told me that what I described points to me being depressed, so now not only am I underweight and anxious, I'm depressed too :(

I'm sorry to ramble on, and I don't expect any answers really, but I just feel like I'm walking to and fro in a room without any direction.

[Annie0904]

You have been doing a lot more recently and have been coping well with it. Although you were eating better (until the tummy bug) you say you still lost weight...First you have been doing more exercise to burn of the calories, 2nd...you saw the herbalist and got weighed the day after you got the tummy bug so I wouldn't have expected you to have put on weight in those circumstances. I was reading a book last night on anxiety and depression and it actually said that as soon as we start to feel better we start doing a lot (which you have, and I have been so guilty of the same) we push ourselves beyond the tired limit and actually make ourselves go down again. He said in the book that if he came to visit us he would expect to see the hoover in the middle of the room because as soon as we start to feel a little bit tired we should stop what we are doing and rest. I know if I have a good day I whizz round the house doing all the housework until I am exhausted then wonder why I feel anxious and depressed again the next day. He suggested that you maybe only do something for about 15 minutes then rest. I really think this is what you have done..you have felt better and achieved a lot but have maybe over done it and your body is telling you to slow down and rest again. Also the tummy bug won't help and they usually make you feel weak for a few days after. Plan things to just chill and relax the rest of the week, maybe some of your craft activities, something to do but not tiring. Lots of hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[MissHDynamite]

Oh Leah.. please don't let losing a couple of pounds over 7 weeks make you start worrying. Annie is absolutely right.. you have been more active and had a little tummy bug so in the whole scheme of things, 2lbs is nothing.

Don't take what your herbalist said too literally regarding "depression" I don't think it's depression as such.. you have had a little blip which has knocked you back a little bit and you are fed up.. which is completely normal for us lot :D

I suppose we can't suffer anxiety as severe as we have and expect it to go without any blips now and again.. remember how inspiring you have been to us over the last few weeks and how well you are doing.. I think we all get the "can't be arsed days so don't feel guilty about that.. you know what to do.. accept it, and ride that anxiety. Lots of hugs and keep smiling :hugs:

[vicky23]

I'm sorry to hear you're having a rubbish day we've all been there!
Practically with the weight issue: I am underweight and have been trying to put it on for about for years now. I was 7st 13 at 5ft 7 so need to be about 8st6 for a healthy BMI according to Doc so I really tried and got to 8 stone with better eating habits (I had cut out dairy to help IBS but without my Dr's say so, they told me to try to reintroduce which I did and that helped with weight gain)
But at that point I got stuck!! Literally felt like I just couldn't gain anymore weight with food. So I started weight bearing exercises and I put on 4lbs within 6 months yay! so for me I think I've found the answer that my body wouldn't allow me to store any more weight as fat (fast metabolism) but I gained some muscle weight :)
So you have to eat 2 hours or so before your exercise then a carb protein rich snack/meal afterwards to refuel make sure you don't LOSE cals.
But maybe it's something you could look into?
Also if you really just can't face actual food have you tried build ups? I find them useful just to sip on
Very best wishes
X

[Magic]

Sending you hugs Elle-Kay:hugs::hugs::hugs:.
I cannot add anything else to what the above have said really.
When my depession was at it worse and i could not eat i tried
those drinks from the chemist Vicky mentioned.
I also went to a herbalist. For me it did not help.
The best help i had was from my GP.
Take care

[Elle-Kay]

Hi guys. Thanks for your kind messages. I haven't really got the energy to write a long reply today, but I wanted to at least let you know that I've read them all, and am grateful to you for your advice.

[Annie0904]

Thinking of you Leah and hope you feel better again soon :hugs: x

[MissHDynamite]

Aww Leah.. Don't like to hear your feeling down.. you take it easy for a couple of days. Please don't hesitate to chat if you feel the need.. we are here for you :hugs: x

Hope your still feeling a little better Annie :hugs:x

[Annie0904]

A little bit anxious today but I can't say it has been a bad week. I think I have done what I mentioned to Leah..feeling a bit better so gone mad with housework and cooking today and now tired and anxious :(

[dottielottie]

Hope you feel better soon x


Annie is the book Depressive illness, curse of the strong ?

If so its a great book. x

[MissHDynamite]

Easily done Annie.. we are bound to have blips over the first few months.. we have all been doing so well so we have to keep that in mind.

I am a bit drained and slightly anxious today again but am just putting it down to monthly's. I have come to realise that when we have an off day, instead of fighting it, accept it, do the basics and rest our minds and body's :hugs:

[MissHDynamite]

Morning all...

Leah, how are you feeling today lovely? have been thinking about you :hugs:

Hope everyone else is ok too :hugs: x

[Annie0904]

Hi Helen, How are you? Leah I hope you are feeling better today. I have someone from the union coming to see me for a chat at 1pm today, I know she i s coming to help and support me but it still didn't stop me being awake half the night wondering what I am going to say to her!

[MissHDynamite]

Hi Annie.. I still feel a bit off it.. think I am coming out in sympathy with Leah, my tummy feels sore for want of a better word and I feel a bit sicky.

Your probably sat with the lady from the Union now, so I hope it's going ok and that she is understanding xx

[Annie0904]

She is late...so making me more anxious :(

[Elle-Kay]

Hi guys. I've been feeling a little bit better today. I think my stomach bug is on its way out, at last - I'm still feeling really full for ages after I eat, but I don't feel like I'm sea-sick the rest of the time, so that's an improvement. I also think that the feeling full thing is more to do with trying to train my stomach to have more food/more calories anyway - I've just run a report on MyFitnessPal.com and I've increased my calorie intake from around 1600 on Monday, to 2000 today, which is like having an extra (smallish) meal, so I suppose it's only normal for my stomach to feel the pinch a bit, at mealtimes especially, as it adapts to eating more again?

On the positive side, I made a recipe from the "Jamie's 30 minute meals" book I got for my birthday tonight - pork chops, crispy crackling, crushed potato and minty cabbage - and it was delicious! I'm pleased to have been able to eat at least one meal and enjoy it (at least until the bloating set in) this week. It did take only just over 30 minutes, so I'm going to try another recipe from the same book next week.

Also on the positive side I felt less tired today (despite a taxi firm getting the wrong number and calling me at 7am asking why I wasn't ready for my taxi?!). I had an exhausted stint mid-morning, but I walked with my Mum to the shop and felt brighter and more awake afterwards, then sat and watched a Morecambe & Wise show with Mum & a cuppa afterwards, which made me laugh :)

[Annie0904]

Pleased you are feeling better again. That happened once with me for a taxi only it came to the house at 7am. My son had booked it but it came a day early! I will have to check out that book Leah. I am sure it is just that you have been eating so little and now eating more that you are feeling full easily. I am the same, I am trying to eat more but feeling full before I finish the meal. xx

[Elle-Kay]

It's quite a frenetic style of cooking - very multi-tasking orientated - but the instructions are written in a chronological order (i.e. "first do this to the potatoes, then leave them and season your meat, then go back to your potatoes") so you really can follow it as it happens, and I did definitely find that because things came together within the 30 minutes (or thereabouts) I felt less tired from cooking the meal generally.