Feeling really depressed !

[ladymillion]

Hey everyone, Just have to write these feelings down just to make myself feel abit better, even if noone reads it!
I suffer from agrophobia and panic disorder, I fear that i will lose control of my bladder and it is a horrendous feeling. It feels so real, when i am anxious i feel like i could flood and it doesnt matter how many times i go to the toilet i have a constant feeling of needing to urinate.

I am currently doing CBT through the NHS but i am not on medication because i cant go to the doctors as i am scared they think i am wasteing their time. I dont know why i feel this way but i do.

I feel so depressed and i put on a brave ace everyday for everyone else as i would die of embarrasement if anyone knew about my anxiety. It is only immediate family and my fiancee that know but even they dont know the extent of it. I dont talk about it.

I feel if my life is going to be such a struggle then i would rather be dead. I just want to overcome this awful phobia and get on with my life. I just feel like i am going to break down and cry. I need help but i just pretend everything is ok when its not!!

I do manage to work full time but i am struggling with this now. I feel selfish going on like this as people have a lot more problems than me. This phobia is just holding me back in life and i feel like a failure.

[bignik]

Speak to your GP or Pycholosist thats conducting you CBT and tell them truthfully how you feel , only by doing this can they help you. A lot of people like you have same problem they have heard it all before and no need for you to be embarrassed. Look after no 1 , you and stop pretending there is no shame everyone has their breaking point .... anxiety at its worse... ask for help

[ladymillion]

Thanks for replying to my post. I just dont know what my problem is, my psychologist wrote a letter to my GP on my second session explaining everything and that i felt i may need medication as well as CBT but for some reason i am terrified to go back to the doctor and keep putting it off. I just wish anxiety etc didnt have such a stigma and that i could openly tell people.

I am going to explain everything to my therapist on Tuesday when i see her as i am really struggling and as you say, they cant help me if i dont tell them how bad it has been. I dont want to give into anxiety. Going to work is about the only thing i do independantly and my life is restricted enough without letting it get worse.

[bignik]

Work I would advise you hang onto the best you can as its the best distraction of all the majority of the day, you say anxiety carries stigma , it may do in the workplace but not with your GP , my GP told me one 1 in 4 patients he saw was anxiety related , hell IM sure as a GP he suffers from it too day in day out same problems, so dont be embarrassed.

What is important is you and your health and only someone who suffers from anxiety beyond the norm understands that. See the GP take what medication he offers as long as your honest with him he will do his best by you. Fighting anxiety alone is a no win situation trust me ... talking about it openly is the first step ( honestly 2 years and still fighting my inner demons )

[Jecada]

LadyMillion....

It's almost as if I wrote your post. I know exactly how you feel. I actually found someone at my work that suffers from Anxiety as well... not necessarily everything i'm going through, but it's nice to have someone to talk to at work (close friend), especially if you have anxiety at work.

I actually had an "episode" of sorts the other week because of a medication mess up and i was having terrible anxiety, panic and depression. It was terrible. I couldn't even go to work...actually had to leave work on the Friday and the Monday almost right after i got there. I finally just told my boss about it and he was very understanding. It may be worth having a discussion with your boss...or if you are embarrassed (as i'm sure i would have been) but i had the convo over the phone as i wasn't at work because of the anxiety. So an email may work too. That way if you are having a bad day or you just need a break he/she will understand.

I hope you start to feel better soon. And i also agree with the other post, you should definately see your doc. You will feel so much better telling him/her how you really feel and getting the help you need.

Feel free to PM me if needed. I know exactly how you feel. Lot of hugs!

Jecada

[ladymillion]

Bignik, i found your post interesting that 1 in 4 people suffer from anxiety etc it makes me wonder why it is such a big secret then. I am going next week to see my doctor, i tried to get an appointment with her today but she is not in today. I hope you are ok and if you need any support or advice, i would be happy to help.

Jecada, I am sorry that you feel the same way as i do. I know how terrible it is. I know i should speak to my Boss but i just cant see her being understanding. I think i make the problems worse by hiding them from everyone and pretending i am ok. I have decided i have got to go back to my GP but i am scared she will put me on propranonol again which did nothing for me. I hope you are ok too and i am always here to help if i can.

[bignik]

yes its very common Ive been assured medically , in the cbt and mindfulness sessions and group therapy I have had I have seen people from all walks of life if you passed them in the street they would look normal happy people without a care in the world.

anxiety to me although perhaps a curse I think is we are just very sensitive people

and thanks for the offer of support if required

[Rls1994]

Hey everyone, Just have to write these feelings down just to make myself feel abit better, even if noone reads it!
I suffer from agrophobia and panic disorder, I fear that i will lose control of my bladder and it is a horrendous feeling. It feels so real, when i am anxious i feel like i could flood and it doesnt matter how many times i go to the toilet i have a constant feeling of needing to urinate.

I am currently doing CBT through the NHS but i am not on medication because i cant go to the doctors as i am scared they think i am wasteing their time. I dont know why i feel this way but i do.

I feel so depressed and i put on a brave ace everyday for everyone else as i would die of embarrasement if anyone knew about my anxiety. It is only immediate family and my fiancee that know but even they dont know the extent of it. I dont talk about it.

I feel if my life is going to be such a struggle then i would rather be dead. I just want to overcome this awful phobia and get on with my life. I just feel like i am going to break down and cry. I need help but i just pretend everything is ok when its not!!

I do manage to work full time but i am struggling with this now. I feel selfish going on like this as people have a lot more problems than me. This phobia is just holding me back in life and i feel like a failure.

Hello ladymillion,

I am sorry to hear you are going through such an awful time at the moment. I know exactly how you feel as I am depressed myself, although it has been OK for a day or so now.

I do agree with the above poster though, you need to see a psychiatrist regarding this depression, especially since you are having suicidal thoughts. But PLEASE, do not ever attempt suicide! You're not a failure at all and you sound like a wonderful individual. Just imagine how awful your family and fiancee would feel if you did. Please, stay strong. You will get through this eventually, and overcome your phobia. I have three phobias at the moment that are affecting my life all day, every day, so I know how you feel.

If you want someone to talk to, you can always message me on here if that will make you feel a bit better. :hugs::hugs:

Take care and feel better soon!

[Bill]

I can remember reading some time ago about one of the possible reasons why anxiety causes this urge to need the loo. I don't know how true this is but it said that when we become anxious, the body reacts by making us feel we need the loo so that we lighten our load. The reason being that when we become panicky, the body is wanting to prepare us to fight or take flight and therefore if we have a lighter load we can fight better or run quicker.

In his modern age though, the trigger that causes anxious feelings is stress so I suspect that you're finding your job very stressful and this is causing your anxious feelings. The anxious feelings then make you feel you need the loo and then that starts your worry which then makes you more nxious and so on in a cycle.

Therefore, to break the cycle means reducing your stress levels and to find ways to keep more relaxed which will then mean the feelin of needing the loo all the time will stop and then so will your worry which is creating your phobia.

I find the best way to prevent the cycle from starting is not to drink anything before going out. This way you know your bladder is empty which will give you a sense of reassurance knowing you can't actually have anything stored up which in turn then help to relax you.

To break the cycle, you have to train your mind away from thinking about your bladder by keeping your mind occupied on what you're doing rather than what you're feeling. This means keeping your mind distracted which could mean focusing on a relaxation technique such as learning how to keep your muscles relaxed and not tensing them up. Tensed muscles, especially in the abdomen, I find puts pressure lower down. Also, you could try deep breathing which helps to relax your body.

In other words, if you learn different methods that keep your body relaxed, your pobia will go. Generally, I think it's the same for any type of phobia and anxiety because they're all possible to control.

The main thing is learning how to ignore it. We only keep thinking about it because it frightens us so much but thinking about it keeps it alive which is why learning to ignore it builds our confidence by realising we actually have nothing to fear but fear itself because its our fear that creates all types of anxiety.

Anyway, hope that's of some help.:hugs: