Birthday blues

[smileforawhile]

Does anyone else get down about their birthday? Mine has just passed and instead of feeling cheerful and full of birthday joy it's left me feeling the opposite. I'm another year older but no further forward than this time last year. In my thirties, single and living with my parents. I sometimes feel like I'm existing rather than living. I know I have a lot to be thankful for and don't feel dreadfully unhappy really. Just a bit like groundhog day from year to year. Birthdays are supposed to be happy things, not trigger anxiety about life in general!

[Col]

:birthday1: think of it as a blessing, enjoy it.

I've suffered since last February ( read my first post thread if your bored) basically there's swing and roundabouts to being the opposite of you, which I am. I'm in my thirties and have a degree and basically I had my first child at 20, I studied and worked , learnt to drive and have bought and sold 2 houses and we moved in with the inlaws ( absolute soul destroying ) and we got stuck there 2008 because of the economic slump. We finally bought our third house November 2 years ago and we are a lot more settled BUT we were with the in laws for 5+ years. Surprised were still married to be honest. We have 2 kids and basically in 2008 whilst the slump was on I got pregnant with my 2nd child. We virtually lived , ate , slept in the attic rooms in my hubbies parents house. Before we moved in our daughter was 3 until they accepted her and we had no choice but, to get married in secret. My parents were racist and my mums volatile relationship with my dad constantly breaking up and getting back together , had massive implications for me. My mum would take her frustrations about dad out on me and my hubby ( then boyfriend), to the point we'd fight and seen as though our first house purchase was going through whilst I was preg with my first, my mother wouldn't hear any of my worries about child birth, I'm ballsy normally but, still first time mum, my mum would tell me to shut up & brestfeeding ~ ' oh U don't need to be doing that'. I even went with her on Saturdays so she could train to be a child minder, so I could claim university grants for her to look after my daughter. Which also helped her run our family home because seen as though dad had left, although id give her £100 a month anyway ( since 18 ) she couldnt afford to keep me and my baby! And we bought all the baby stuff my hubby would come with bagfulls of food, napoies milk evey friday after work, so not like we were taking the p***!!!She only ever looked after 2 other kids , since this I moved out eventually and she overdosed, the mental hospital didnt really believe her , more a attention seeking stunt. my brother even today, doesn't speak to her. So yep, there you go! Family, kids and moving out of your parents and all that goes with it, leaves me envying those sensible ( like U ) leaving it as late as you can, believe me! I'm now in my thirties too and basically regret our ' secret marriage' because of our families and for the security of our little girl , we had no other choice , none would have ever in a million years agreed with this! I have had those photos , that dress stolen from me and precious moments of the birth of my children , stolen also. I hate them all to be honest, deep down , I really do. I still try to be civil , for the sake of the kids and our parents know there place a bit more now BUT there's always a problem with them , even now and my daughters 10. Im 32 next year and times just slipping past BUT I'm determined to enjoy my thirties and not stand for any shit even if it means cutting parents off, this is my time , I'm going to enjoy it.

Takecare sorry for going on XX

[rb1978]

I always get the blues at my birthday and Christmas. My parents died when I was in my 20s and I don't have much family. I'm fairly well qualified but I'm doing a job that is mind-numbingly boring and it's getting less and less skilled each year as more of it is automated.

I do wonder where on earth life is heading and how I ended up in the position I am. Birthdays are bad because like you say it's another year older. Xmas is bad cos it's all meant to be happy and perfect.

My last birthday I remember being very down and weepy. Someone told me you should plan a day out or something to forget the fact it's The Big Day. I might try this at Xmas - have a little break or something.

[NeilP]

I feel miserable on my Birthday, too. I think it's a combination of guilt and the face I've never really celebrated it. I've never had a birthday party, and I don't like the attention of receiving gifts, I'd rather they go to charity or something, but I know my family feel better if they give me something, so it's a double edged sword in a way. Smileforawhile, I certainly think that as we learn to cope/deal with anxiety we'll be able to look at Birthdays more successfully. rb, I'm sorry to hear about your loss, I was thinking of taking a trip too, and using my Birthday as a day to prepare for it. I can look forward to my Birthday as more of a day to prepare rather than a day of feeling guilty! Col, I'm sure whatever your decision it'll be the best for you and your family, I hope things improve for you (and all of us) real soon!