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Edie
25-11-12, 13:22
I've just started university at the age of 31. As well an anxiety/depression, I have Asperger's and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I applied for support through Disabled Students Allowances and was awarded a mentor who I see weekly to provide disability support.

My first mentor was rubbish. All she would say was, "have self-confidence," but never offered any practical help to overcome the difficulties that were causing anxiety. I now have a new mentor who is extremely effective. I have seen her twice now. But I fear this help may have come too late.

My course is in animal care. I have a lot of experience with cats, and also some experience with small wild animals from my voluntary job at a wildlife rescue/rehabilitation centre. In college I am expected to handle small domestic animals like rabbits and ferrets, and also farm animals such as cows, horses and goats. I have no experience at all with any animals like this, whereas every other student on the course does. Once I have seen other people handling animals I know what to do and feel confident about handling them.

I raised my concerns with my first mentor who told me there was no problem, I was here to learn, and I should stop comparing myself to others and have self-confidence. I still had concerns, but I thought maybe my judgement was off and if I asked my tutors about this they would get annoyed with having to provide constant reassurance, so I didn't talk about this with anyone else at college.

After a really bad week, I spoke to my new mentor about this in our second meeting on Friday afternoon. She told me that during the week she had spoken to my tutors and they also highlighted this as an issue. My tutors have offered me some extra help in this area, which is really great, but I'm going to have to quit my paid job in order to fit this in. I am willing to do this if it's going to be enough to salvage this, but I don't want to risk that it's not going to be enough and I could end up kicked out of uni and have no job. I am trying to arrange meetings at college to discuss this over the next week, but obviously no one's replying over the weekend so it's a bit of a frustrating wait before I can make a decision.

I was already annoyed with my first mentor for being so totally useless, but now I'm even more annoyed with her for failing to take my concerns seriously. I raised this issue in my second week and she brushed it off as anxiety without even checking with my tutors. My tutors' conversations with my mentor this past week show that my concerns were valid all along, and I could have got help weeks ago. I am really grateful that I now have a mentor who takes my concerns seriously, checks whether they are valid, and arranges support for me. But I'm a bit worried it might have come too late and I'm already too far behind. I just feel so angry that my previous mentor prevented me from seeking out this help weeks ago!

I really hope that by the end of next week I will be resigning from my job in order to focus on my studies, and not leaving college.

Annie0904
25-11-12, 13:27
I am pleased that you now have a good mentor who is very supportive of you. It sounds as though she will help you to catch up and I hope that with this help you will be able to continue your studies. x

BobbyDog
25-11-12, 19:29
Well done for having the strength to carry on when people who should be supporting you have failed.

Enjoy your course, it must be very rewarding.

Edie
25-11-12, 20:13
When I read your replies I couldn't understand why you both sounded so positive when I feel like it's all gone horribly wrong.

But you're right. It did go wrong. It's now going right. I now have a good mentor, my difficulties have been highlighted, and I have the offer of extra help. This is all good news.

I am still angry at my previous mentor, but I need to let that go, see the positives now, and take up the opportunity to get the experience I need. I'm going to talk with my tutor next week just to be sure it's going to be enough. I need all the information before I can commit to giving up my job. But it is looking good.

Annie0904
25-11-12, 20:18
Really pleased that you are seeing it as a positive too :yesyes:

nok_tok
26-11-12, 03:31
i am also 31 and just started a uni degree..it was supposed to be me 'doing something with my life' and having hope for the future... but so far i have just found it stress...i am doing photography and have to find local darkroom to use, i have to ring people up and do enquiries...but i have big social anxiety and havent told anyone about this and i always feel like people dont understand ....i hate using phones i get tongue tied...

2 months in and i feel a failure...i know i can do this but i didnt think it would be so stressful with all the deadlines etc...

hope you are doing ok??? it will all be worth it in the end x xx

Edie
26-11-12, 10:22
I'm back to seriously doubting myself again today. It's been nothing but stress and hassle so far. The college have serious admin issues resulting in them repeatedly billing me and cutting off my computer access and library book borrowing permissions. I missed the first 2 weeks including the induction due to having a major panic over having a colonoscopy, and then the procedure itself which really set me back health-wise. I haven't caught up from this yet. My GP decided last week to change all the medications that have kept my health stable for the past 3 years, the new stuff isn't panning out too well so far. I have a 5-hour hospital appointment next Monday, a briefer appointment the Monday after (but I have to starve for it so I will be feeling really rough), and then yet another the Monday after to get the results. I could cope with college if it weren't for all this extra stuff, but this isn't extra stuff, it's just normal life that isn't going to stop just because I'm at college. I'm not well and I just want a rest!

Elle-Kay
26-11-12, 10:38
In the 2009 intake my husband and I both went to Uni' as mature students. I was 28 and did a conversion course and then my masters degree (I did my undergraduate degree in 2003), and my husband was 37 and doing his first undergraduate degree. It wasn't easy for either of us - my husband because he isn't a born academic, and is dyslexic, and me because of my anxiety - but we both did manage to plough on through it, and both graduated earlier this year. We both had times when we felt like giving in, that it was too hard, and not worth it (especially as I worked part-time throughout both of my courses to keep our heads above water financially) but I'm SO pleased that we both stuck at it, as graduating when we knew that we were there against the odds made the day even more rewarding and special.

For me, one of the best things I did was be open with my tutors about my anxiety on my very first day there. I was so worried that I would have to make a dash for it during induction week that when the tutors said to come to see them if we had any concerns I plucked up all my courage (which was VERY hard - my tutor was the first person outside of my family & Dr that I had told about it) and went to explain that I had anxiety and agoraphobia which was triggered by experiences out of my routine, that I was committed to the course, but that if things got too hard for me at any time I may have to leave for some fresh air at a moment's notice. My tutor(s) were very understanding, and it made it easier on me to know that they knew. Plus, I got access to the support services at the University, including a counsellor who I saw during my first year until I had settled in fully.

I realise that everyone's circumstances are different, and that I have the benefit of hindsight, but I would urge you both very hard to stick with your courses, even though it seems so hard, because I genuinely believe that your regret at quitting would leave you feeling 10x worse than you feel now.

Edie
28-11-12, 22:59
I spoke to my tutor and now I'm even more confused.

She said there is no problem over my inexperience with animal handling as she knows I am working on it, getting experience on my work experience placements, and that I seem to be picking it up just fine. Which is not really what she told my mentor, or why she offered me extra help. My mentor told me my tutor was going to talk to me about the extra help, but my tutor didn't even mention that!

I told her about all the hospital appointments I've got coming up. These are not usual, my GP just had a bit of a freak-out over my IBS, announced, "I think you have Crohn's disease," and sent me for tests (we've rules out Crohn's by the way). After these 3 appointments it will all be over and I should be allowed to return to taking the medication that was managing it very effectively all along.

Anyway, it looks like there isn't a problem at college so I'm going to see how it goes on Friday at college and probably resign from my job on Saturday.

There is also one more important thing I've found out I missed in the first 2 weeks while I was having my operation. I don't know quite what it is yet, it's some kind of portfolio on animal handling. I did speak to all my tutors on my first week and ask them if I missed anything and they all said no, so this is getting really annoying finding out all these new things I was supposed to receive in the beginning of October that are actually quite important.