newbie feeling really down

[13needafriend]

Hi, joined here yesterday, and im really feeling down. I lost my job 2 weeks ago because my nerves and anxiety got the better of me one day so had to come home. Id only been on Fluoxetine for 6 weeks and i think the anxiety got heightened that day. Anyway, id been working there for 2 months after 25 years of not working but bringing my children up single handed, and i felt alive again, plus it was something i enjoyed doing as ive done it before i had my children and wanted to resume my career, (working with horses), plus it got me out of the house every day and was something to get up for, but my nerves stopped me. I went back a few days later to see if i still had a job but the boss said it was for the best i didnt return as horses need to feel safe with someone that is more confident and not nervous or anxious around them, i explained it was my medication making it worse, but he would not accept it and said he wouldnt like to see me getting hurt by one of the horses and does not want to be worrying about me on the yard, which, i suppose is understandable. It does not stop me feeling like a failure and a loser, and deeply depressed that i cannot even hold down a job i loved. I feel there is nothing left for me to do. I dont want to go back to the stables to visit, because i dont want people looking or treating me like ive gone off my head, cos god knows what has been said about me why i left. The girl i worked with is always putting pics up of her riding the horses i used to look after on facebook and when i see them, i get even more depressed. None of them have even bothered to ask how i am, or even have given me hope that there is a chance of me coming back when i feel a bit better. I really have no 'get up and go' anymore. Im into my 9th week of 20mg fluoxetine, and im feeling really down and out, like i dont want to carry on anymore. Ive got no interest in life at all, and i feel lonely and isolated again. I just dont know what to do anymore. :weep:

[nomorepanic]

Hi 13needafriend

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[BobbyDog]

It must have taken so much courage to go back to work after such a long time, be proud of yourself for trying your best to improve your quality of life.
Hopefully you will start to feel the benefit of your medication soon, if not go back to you GP and discuss your concerns.
You will meet some very nice people here and I hope we can make you feel a little better.

[Sparkle1984]

Welcome to the forums. I really feel for you - it must be awful to be treated like this by your employer. Sadly there is still a lack of understanding about anxiety.

At least you do now have some recent experience of your chosen career, so if you want to work with horses again in the future, you should be able to get a job elsewhere (hopefully).

If the girl you worked with is putting up pictures of the horses on Facebook and that is upsetting you, you could try hiding her status updates from your newsfeed. You don't need to unfriend her completely, as there is an option to hide updates from a certain friend.

Is there a nearby animal sanctuary where you could volunteer when you are feeling a bit better? For example, in my area we have the Redwings Horse Sanctuary and Hillside Animal Sanctuary who look after a lot of horses - there may be something similar in your area. It could lead on to a paid position in the future, and it would also give you something to do during the day.

The people you worked with don't sound very friendly or understanding (especially your boss) so you may be better off without them in the long term.

In the past, I've been in the situation of losing a job I love due to corporate restructures and redundancy, but the positive thing was that I managed to find a job that I enjoy even more, working for a better employer. I'm still there now and I'm making much better progress than I was in the old company. So there is always hope, even though it may not seem like it now. :)

Please feel free to keep in touch. :)

[Thumbelina]

You must be proud of hourself for going back to work even for 2 months. If you did it once after such a long break you will do again.
Just be patient, you are on the path.
I have taken time off work now because of my set back.
Its hard to concentrate, though i know its good as well as it takes your thinking time and doesnt allow your mind wonder about.
See if you can find other job and maybe it doesnt have to be work with horses. The job that will be rewarding.
A job in customer services can be very rewarding because you would talk to people, see different people every day and you will be having s different perspective.
Take care

[missybct]

Hi hon.

Welcome to the forums. Your post really reflected how I felt about three months ago. I too, had to leave a job I loved because of my anxiety, and since then despite everyone telling me they would stay in touch and see how I was, I've heard barely anything. It is very soul destroying, and makes you feel very lonely. I have tried numerous times to go back into work over the last ten years and failed each time.

But here is the thing. You made a MASSIVE step to go back to work, and you should be proud of that. There is no shame in having to give up due to this horrible condition. You may feel like a failure, and I know that feeling very well; but you're not. You are someone who is suffering terribly and you need to be kind to yourself.

Have you considered doing a little bit of voluntary work? I know around here there are several animal rescue centres that are always looking for casual volunteers with no pressure. This may ease you back into working, if you feel you are ready too.

Keep with the fluoxtine, unless you feel they are making no difference. Not all medication works as well as others for different people. It may be worth making an appointment with your doctor just to discuss what has happened and see if he or she has anything they can offer you.

Take care of yourself and keep posting on here. Everyone is very friendly and helpful, and most of all, understanding.

[Serenitie]

:welcome: I'm sure you'll make new friendships and receive a lot of support here