i-have-issues
26-11-12, 19:44
Hi in advance sorry for the long post - quite a lot of problems!
Im new here so i'll introduce myself - my name is Sam and im 29 with 2 children. I have had a lot of issues in my life which are all probably a lot to do with why im suffering now. such as an abusive childhood... lots of miscarriages (10), abusive first relationship..
I am now married and have 2 gorgeous children but the past still haunts me. I am a generally anxious person anyway, always been the 'scardy cat' at school etc..
before i had my 2nd child I didn't really have any worries that effected my daily life, but when i had my 2nd child i had an allergic reaction (was not very severe) to some hair colour when he was 2 weeks old, since then I have been scared of everything. by this i mean EVERYTHING!
food - i stopped eating completely as i was worried that i would be allergic to it - I lost 4 stone in 3 months, which was great as I was overweight anyway but i am now an 8 and dont really want to lose anymore. I slowly re-introduced food back into my diet - I started to eat a few things, but its up and down... i used to be able to eat things such as wotsits, chicken, chips etc.. but now ive had a funny turn and can only eat chocolate and drink tea. no breakfast, lunch or dinner one or 2 chunks of chocolate and about 10 cups of tea! its crazy... i dont want to be like this at all. but everytime i eat i think my throat is going to close up, and im not going to be able to breathe. at the moment I have a sore roof of the mouth and am panicky of this incase its my mouth closing up! my worst nightmare is going to a restaurant and i am constantly making up excuses why i dont want dinner if im out with family for example. birthday meals in the family i dont attend, as im too scared.
I am also petrified of chemicals - to the point where i am scared to wash my hair incase the shampoo causes a reaction or put bubble bath in the bath, obviously i do but it takes me the whole 3 days in between washing to psyche myself up for next time! every single thing i do/eat or smell i'm petrified
I cant stand cleaning stuff, descale the kettle or bleach my tea cups
I am scared to go to the doctors as I have a serious phobia of any medication. I dont take it - simple. I live in fear of becoming ill to the point where i need medicine as i would not be able to take it. im too scared ill be allergic...
I have formed an OCD of feeling my pulse everytime i eat or drink to make sure my heart rate is ok.
I dont even like getting my nails painted as i fear the smell.
I have also gained this way of thinking that if for example im wearing a new skirt and i have a particularly bad day - its the skirts fault! this goes for everything new!! crazy.....
its getting beyond a joke now and making me seriously miserable. i want to live my life and be carefree, try new foods,drinks, cleaning stuff, bath stuff, shampoo, hair products etc but at the moment there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
some might say this was beyond livable, i cant talk to family as they'll just think im crazy!! i constantly worry im going to have an aniphilactic (sp) reaction and there wont be enough time to get somewhere, petrified of dying, but im probably making myself more ill by being like this - there must be a corner i can turn soon??
It is medling with my life to the point that i feel like i should be in a mental home! and my current relationship is suffering as he thinks im turning anorexic but im not - i actually want to eat im starving - i just physically cant, otherwise i know for the hour after - i'll feel like im dying - i have even called for an ambulance on 3 seperate occasions thinking im actually dying!
any thoughts, similar stories, just anything would be great!
thank you
sam.
Im new here so i'll introduce myself - my name is Sam and im 29 with 2 children. I have had a lot of issues in my life which are all probably a lot to do with why im suffering now. such as an abusive childhood... lots of miscarriages (10), abusive first relationship..
I am now married and have 2 gorgeous children but the past still haunts me. I am a generally anxious person anyway, always been the 'scardy cat' at school etc..
before i had my 2nd child I didn't really have any worries that effected my daily life, but when i had my 2nd child i had an allergic reaction (was not very severe) to some hair colour when he was 2 weeks old, since then I have been scared of everything. by this i mean EVERYTHING!
food - i stopped eating completely as i was worried that i would be allergic to it - I lost 4 stone in 3 months, which was great as I was overweight anyway but i am now an 8 and dont really want to lose anymore. I slowly re-introduced food back into my diet - I started to eat a few things, but its up and down... i used to be able to eat things such as wotsits, chicken, chips etc.. but now ive had a funny turn and can only eat chocolate and drink tea. no breakfast, lunch or dinner one or 2 chunks of chocolate and about 10 cups of tea! its crazy... i dont want to be like this at all. but everytime i eat i think my throat is going to close up, and im not going to be able to breathe. at the moment I have a sore roof of the mouth and am panicky of this incase its my mouth closing up! my worst nightmare is going to a restaurant and i am constantly making up excuses why i dont want dinner if im out with family for example. birthday meals in the family i dont attend, as im too scared.
I am also petrified of chemicals - to the point where i am scared to wash my hair incase the shampoo causes a reaction or put bubble bath in the bath, obviously i do but it takes me the whole 3 days in between washing to psyche myself up for next time! every single thing i do/eat or smell i'm petrified
I cant stand cleaning stuff, descale the kettle or bleach my tea cups
I am scared to go to the doctors as I have a serious phobia of any medication. I dont take it - simple. I live in fear of becoming ill to the point where i need medicine as i would not be able to take it. im too scared ill be allergic...
I have formed an OCD of feeling my pulse everytime i eat or drink to make sure my heart rate is ok.
I dont even like getting my nails painted as i fear the smell.
I have also gained this way of thinking that if for example im wearing a new skirt and i have a particularly bad day - its the skirts fault! this goes for everything new!! crazy.....
its getting beyond a joke now and making me seriously miserable. i want to live my life and be carefree, try new foods,drinks, cleaning stuff, bath stuff, shampoo, hair products etc but at the moment there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
some might say this was beyond livable, i cant talk to family as they'll just think im crazy!! i constantly worry im going to have an aniphilactic (sp) reaction and there wont be enough time to get somewhere, petrified of dying, but im probably making myself more ill by being like this - there must be a corner i can turn soon??
It is medling with my life to the point that i feel like i should be in a mental home! and my current relationship is suffering as he thinks im turning anorexic but im not - i actually want to eat im starving - i just physically cant, otherwise i know for the hour after - i'll feel like im dying - i have even called for an ambulance on 3 seperate occasions thinking im actually dying!
any thoughts, similar stories, just anything would be great!
thank you
sam.