Relationship anxiety :/

[serendipity_x]

I'm 22 and have never been in a proper relationship. I feel the longer I go without being in one the worst it gets.

I've got a profile on a dating website and had a fling with a guy last year and things were going well at first, but I got scared and ended up accusing him of being clingy and went distant then he did and I realised I liked him and ended up telling him I thought I was falling for him.

We slept together a couple of times but had an argument and I ended up ignoring him even when he texted months later. I'm not regretting ignoring him as I felt a genuine connection with him. I want to get back in touch but don't know how to go about it.

I'm worried I'll either end up with someone as I'm scared of being alone or end up alone and lonely. I'm worried they'll leave me and I won't know how to cope, I'm scared I'll want to leave them but feel guilty.

I have psychosis and consider this to be too much baggage, I tell guys I have it on dating websites and they'll send one message after out of politeness and then it'll sizzle out. I want an intense relationship but get scared off when it starts getting deeper.

[speckles69uk]

Hi Serendipity,

At 22, you're still young, so there's plenty of time to find that special someone. You say that you tell guys about your psychosis on dating websites, I don't think you need to tell them, especially at the initial meeting stages. Psychosis or any mental or physical illness is a part of us, it does not make us who we are. I find that quite a lot of people are also mis-informed and under educated with regards to mental illness, so if they were to read 'psychosis' or anything relating to mental health, they can get scared and sometimes assume that what they see in the movies or read in the papers is what it's like in real life, so they may be put off (the movies and media tend to blow a lot of things out of proportion anyway, just to make a story more entertaining). I would suggest omitting the information regarding your mental health, and tell them details on what you enjoy, your hobbies, music / film interests etc, so that you can start to build up a connection with people who have similar interests. As it develops, you may find you need to tell them or that they find out, if they leave, then they are not the right person for you and they're not worth being with. It would be hypocritical of me to give you perfect relationship advice, but I am giving advice based on what I would do.

Good luck and enjoy.

Take care

Rebecca