Lockers
27-11-12, 20:57
Hi-I am new to site and thought it would be a good idea to introduce myself and tell 'my story'. I have had anxiety for many years, since I was around 10 but only recognised it as anxiety in hindsight, but have been effected more acutely over the past 3 years.
I had always shyed away from many potentially stressful situations, or what I would have perceived to be stressful-new job, being on stage (I was a musician) etc and trained my brain to fear stress.
In one particularly busy period I moved homes, changed jobs and was in and out of a few relationships and I panicked. I'm sure everyone remembers their first panic attack (I think that's where much of the fear comes from). I had never experienced anything like it, such a terryfing point which I will always look back on.
From that point for a few months everything was scary. Leaving the house, going shopping, exercising and seeing friends. All would result in a panic attack on a daily basis. All I thought about was what if I panic again. 'Remember how bad the first time was'. I felt like part of me, part of my character had changed irreparably, that I was no longer the person I was, nor the person I really wanted to be.
3 years on from that point and I am much more in control, am happier and haven't had a panic attack in years (I just learned to go with it-once I understood why my body was reacting the way it did I just wasn't scared anymore and they subsided, eventually). However I am always on edge, feel stressed quite easily and have a terrible longing belief that if I make big changes again (new job etc) the stress will again become too much for me and will end up back in square one. As much as I believe I am in control I will always have that fear and I find it detrimental and incredibly difficult to take those 'big steps' to improve my standard of living. I find it is this cycle which is hard to break. I have not taken any medication but am beginning to consider something mild.
Apologies for the essay!
I had always shyed away from many potentially stressful situations, or what I would have perceived to be stressful-new job, being on stage (I was a musician) etc and trained my brain to fear stress.
In one particularly busy period I moved homes, changed jobs and was in and out of a few relationships and I panicked. I'm sure everyone remembers their first panic attack (I think that's where much of the fear comes from). I had never experienced anything like it, such a terryfing point which I will always look back on.
From that point for a few months everything was scary. Leaving the house, going shopping, exercising and seeing friends. All would result in a panic attack on a daily basis. All I thought about was what if I panic again. 'Remember how bad the first time was'. I felt like part of me, part of my character had changed irreparably, that I was no longer the person I was, nor the person I really wanted to be.
3 years on from that point and I am much more in control, am happier and haven't had a panic attack in years (I just learned to go with it-once I understood why my body was reacting the way it did I just wasn't scared anymore and they subsided, eventually). However I am always on edge, feel stressed quite easily and have a terrible longing belief that if I make big changes again (new job etc) the stress will again become too much for me and will end up back in square one. As much as I believe I am in control I will always have that fear and I find it detrimental and incredibly difficult to take those 'big steps' to improve my standard of living. I find it is this cycle which is hard to break. I have not taken any medication but am beginning to consider something mild.
Apologies for the essay!