Alone

[Bill]

It doesn't seem to matter where I am or what I'm doing, whether I'm indoors or out, whether I feel calm or anxious, I always seem to feel just one thing...Totally alone...and for a very long time I've been unable to shake it without any idea of how to stop it.

Every day just feels like chores, cooking, washing up, cleaning and neverending hassle. It feels like there will only be one way out and yet there seems to be this tiny bit of hope inside me that keeps me going unlike in the past when I had none.

I survived that bad spell now long ago and yet I still search for that purpose that will give me meaning that makes life worth living because every day just feels utterly empty and it feels no matter how hard I try, whatever I attempt, even when I'm prepared to do absolutely anything to help others, nothing seems to fill that void in me...and yes, I know...there is no answer, other than to carry on and try to survive living in emptiness.

Sorry to sound depressing but that's how life has been for years, and even more so recently since losing all those I felt close to whom I loved and gave all I could who in return made me feel needed.

[Annie0904]

Hi Bill Just want to send you some hugs because you sound like you need some :bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:

[Bill]

Wow Annie, your reply was fast. Thank you.:flowers: I need reminding what hugs are because the last one I had was over a year ago from an elderly friend after losing my mother.:hugs:

[Annie0904]

Wow Annie, your reply was fast. Thank you.:flowers: I need reminding what hugs are because the last one I had was over a year ago from an elderly friend after losing my mother.:hugs:

Aww Bill That is so sad. You won't be alone on NMP and I am sure lots of people will want to send you hugs :bighug1:

[smit]

Hey Bill,
I too offer hugs :hugs:
that must be a terrible feeling, personally i only feel alright when I have something to aim for. I'm sure you are less alone than you think, chin up we're all here for you on nmp :)

[Bill]

Smit,
I love your little photo. We used to have a black Lab who was over 15 when we lost him nearly 3 years ago. I used to call him my best friend because he always listened and loved affection. I know some people will say he wasn't human but to us he was family and to me my closest friend. I would love to have another but there are too many reasons that make it too difficult. Thank you for giving me a smile though.:hugs:

[Thumbelina]

Hi Bill,
I read alo of your posts - and you one if the people who know exactly whats going on with you and knows exactly what to do.
You are lonely, and maybe its good idea to get another pet, then you would meet people while walking him.
And moreover you are definately not alone here, look how many lonely people come here and this is the only place that makes them feel not alone.
I am here for the same reason.

[Bill]

Whenever I see your name on here sweet thumberlina you remind me of this song and I start singing it to myself!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KzY4EEjmyg :hugs:

In the same film I always think of the ugly duckling and I also compare myself to the phantom in phantom of the opera and gollum from lord of the rings. All of them struggled to find friends.

You're right though that I do know what's going on with me but if I knew exactly what to do I'd most certainly take it because it's the frustration that gets me so low as it feels whatever I attempt I'm left on my own. I agree that a dog would help but again it's an avenue I can't go down yet. It feels every way I look there are barriers. I do meet people though but all of them are retired. I never meet anyone younger because of my situation. I feel like Hans in that scene on the link above.

Something that puzzles me is like you say, there are so many lonely people and yet they appear to want to keep to themselves rather than reach out but I'm not sure why. I know how lonely I feel but it maks me want to reach out even though I never seem to get anywhere.

I'm glad you chose the name thumberlina though because it always gives me a smile as I loved the film you make me think of.:hugs:

[Thumbelina]

You see you smiled...
And you are not alone at all.
Get a dog - and maybe start flamenco classes? :0)))

[Bill]

Me!? Flamenco dancing!? I know who'd be laughing then!...not me!:blush: I'd rather train the dog to dance! Thank you for the smile though.:) I can smile...it's just I can't find much to smile about.

I am alone though. I just Really wish the feeling would go away but it seems to be following me everywhere at the moment.

Doesn't sweet thumberlina ever sleep?:unsure: