JurassicPark
29-11-12, 23:04
Hi All. Apologies for the long post. I have joined up because I am currently sitting at home when I should be in London with my boyfriend. The reason I am not there is that I just could not get on the train. I am always nervous on trains. I sit there for the entire journey going over various awful scenarios in my head relating to the train crashing, or a passenger going nuts on board. I think about what I would do in each situation, planning my escape route etc. I am also scared of the tube (which of course is a train, and worse, a train that runs underground and is always rammed) and also of walking to his house from the station. I have tonnes of fears like these, mainly related to public transport, walking alone in 'not so nice' areas or at night (or even after dark) and although I have had them for years, my current situation - having a boyfriend who lives in London and a job that requires me to go to London occasionally - means that I am having to face them more than I used to. The problem is that all my fears seem totally stupid to everyone else who I speak to. My boyfriend is extremely understanding, but it is even wearing thin on him that I find it hard to get on a train or I make him get a taxi home instead of taking the tube etc. etc. I have broken down into hysterical tears a few times trying to do these things. It feels like a problem that pales in comparison to some that I see on here. But I desperately want to move in with my boyfriend and he has to be in London for his job at the moment so I have to move there so it's getting kind of urgent that I get over all of these fears.
I am not frightened of anything that is within my control. I love driving, I travel a lot that way (too much in fact, I live a nomadic lifestyle due to my job and my family and friends being spread across the country) and never feel anxious in a car, I know that this is because I am in control. I would love to drive a train myself, or fly a plane! That would not scare me (well maybe flying a plane would scare me a normal amount!). I never feel anxious about anything that 'normal' people generally feel anxious about, like where is my life going, will I ever find love etc. I have got that all sorted out for now. I am successful (somehow) and have a very loving boyfriend but I'm worried that my stupid little fears will take that all away from me. I just wish I could do everyday things without planning and thinking and worrying about them. I have to go to Denmark in September for work and am already freaking out about getting on the plane. Whenever I try to address my issues with anyone the question that I get asked is always "what's the worst that could happen?" and my answer for all my worries is "i could die horribly and wouldn't be in control of it" and I think that is the root of the problem. All my fears are related to my not being in control of my own death ... a train crash, a plane crash, a bomb on the tube, being mugged and stabbed in the street, all things I cannot control, unless I just avoid them. I am an extremely independent person and I want to do something about this but have no idea what to do. I am never in one place long enough to see a counsellor. I have seen counsellors before for another anxiety issue I had which involved me feeling sick to the point of almost being sick in any situation where I was sitting in a quiet room with lots of people (mainly lectures at Uni, I had to take all my exams in a room separate from everyone else, or in a cinema/theatre (so I often dread going to do these nice things rather than look forward to them)). I have managed to get a long way to getting over this and want to do the same for my fear of public transport. Any ideas of how I can get started? Or does anyone else have a random fear of travelling in public places? I feel like I might be going crazy or that I am just a massive control freak ... everyday life is a massive effort for me and I feel like when I do do something like take a train to London by myself that I should somehow feel proud, but then I realise that other people do this every day and don't give a damn about it. I just want to be those people. Any advice? Anyone else scared of public transport? Or got over fears like this? I'd appreciate any help and sorry for the ramble.
I am not frightened of anything that is within my control. I love driving, I travel a lot that way (too much in fact, I live a nomadic lifestyle due to my job and my family and friends being spread across the country) and never feel anxious in a car, I know that this is because I am in control. I would love to drive a train myself, or fly a plane! That would not scare me (well maybe flying a plane would scare me a normal amount!). I never feel anxious about anything that 'normal' people generally feel anxious about, like where is my life going, will I ever find love etc. I have got that all sorted out for now. I am successful (somehow) and have a very loving boyfriend but I'm worried that my stupid little fears will take that all away from me. I just wish I could do everyday things without planning and thinking and worrying about them. I have to go to Denmark in September for work and am already freaking out about getting on the plane. Whenever I try to address my issues with anyone the question that I get asked is always "what's the worst that could happen?" and my answer for all my worries is "i could die horribly and wouldn't be in control of it" and I think that is the root of the problem. All my fears are related to my not being in control of my own death ... a train crash, a plane crash, a bomb on the tube, being mugged and stabbed in the street, all things I cannot control, unless I just avoid them. I am an extremely independent person and I want to do something about this but have no idea what to do. I am never in one place long enough to see a counsellor. I have seen counsellors before for another anxiety issue I had which involved me feeling sick to the point of almost being sick in any situation where I was sitting in a quiet room with lots of people (mainly lectures at Uni, I had to take all my exams in a room separate from everyone else, or in a cinema/theatre (so I often dread going to do these nice things rather than look forward to them)). I have managed to get a long way to getting over this and want to do the same for my fear of public transport. Any ideas of how I can get started? Or does anyone else have a random fear of travelling in public places? I feel like I might be going crazy or that I am just a massive control freak ... everyday life is a massive effort for me and I feel like when I do do something like take a train to London by myself that I should somehow feel proud, but then I realise that other people do this every day and don't give a damn about it. I just want to be those people. Any advice? Anyone else scared of public transport? Or got over fears like this? I'd appreciate any help and sorry for the ramble.