Last night [Archive] - No More Panic

Em.ma

01-12-12, 20:02

Thanks feeling better today so scared I'll have a heart attack from the amount of stress I'm under and anxiety

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Was just in shower looked at calf and it's red as hell will post pic is this a clot?

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http://i47.tinypic.com/j90up1.png

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Looks redder than that webcam is crap it's warm aswell!!! Omg help me I'm gonna die today please

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Is spreading up calf please help ;(

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Can't be anything but a dvt I am so so so scared beyond scared

lizzie29

01-12-12, 21:09

You're not going to die. Emma, so many of us have said on here that you need to get help. You also have to help yourself. Drinking can heighten anxiety so why do that to yourself? Sitting around makes you worry about clots, so why do that to yourself? You have to do something. We've tried to help but nothing we say works.

Em.ma

01-12-12, 21:21

I just want to live I can never get this exact moment back of my life I don't want regrets I just want to look back on life and think. 'yer I've had a good life' not to look back and think I've spent most of it worrying about something only god can control so I have to put my faith in him as he has a path for my life and what ever happens their must be a reason for it . I was a wreck the other night there's bits I know happened but don't remember was dragged home screaming and crying struggled to get a taxi etc etc I think it was just built up anger all being realeased at once as I just hold it all back.

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http://sphotos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/942_303218453112265_746382294_n.jpg liking this photo

Em.ma

02-12-12, 04:32

Throat still killing me would like to think cold even though only had one 5 weeks ago!!! But funny started morning after drinking :s so maybe something dangerous related to that??

Gotagetthroughthis

02-12-12, 04:54

Hi Em.ma, from reading your posts it would be my guess that you are fine. I have health anxiety aswell and know it can be so hard at times. The thing is we perceive things to be more serious than they are, like the mark on your calf you thought it may have been a blood clot, most people wouldn't even notice these things and if they did they would just think oh its a little mark it will go away in a few days.

You said you want to look back on your life and think "yer ive had a good life". Well the only way you can do that is to stop worrying and live your life to the full, life is for living, not for worrying because we cant change what is going to happen in our lifes. But you are a good person and you have faith in God and the likelyhood is that you will have many years ahead of you without illness and a good healthy life. The odds are in your favour by far.

Try not to drink alcohol for a while untill you health anxiety gets better. I am the same as you, if I go out I like to have a drink to forget my worries and have a good time but its just blocking out the problems and the next day you pay for it. The next day everything seems 10 times worse then it actually is, every little feeling and pain in our body makes us think the worst when really we are fine.

Just concentrate on getting better and stronger and knowing that you are healthy. Once you do that then you can maybe have a drink once in a while and not feel so bad and worried the day after.

You will get through this and in the future you will look back and think what was I worrying about.

The biggest fear is fear itself. Stop worrying about things that are probably never going to happen, be happy and live your life.

:hugs: :)

Em.ma

03-12-12, 18:56

ThAnk you :) I'll reply to u by pm in a while :) x sore throat gone replaced by flem in throat and occasional cough but nothing terrible no coughing fits

Em.ma

04-12-12, 19:56

hello
one wisdom tooth is higher up than all the rest
all molars level except one wisdom tooth has grown higher up and looks higher up to for example

__- like that one tooth higher than the rest
other wisdom tooth didnt grow this big
this one is massive
going to scehdule dentist app but still a bit worried

last app was cancelled by dentist do people get what i mean?

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the only time i can go is friday afternoon s but they always cacel those apps

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what if this very mild cold in an infection tooth
started sore throat now mild cough n ear popping when swallow ing on wisdom tooth side n it spreads to brain

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It is starting to hurt I can always take day off n book emergency dentall app but don't want to do that unless it's infected . How do I determine if it's a dental emergency will I know If it's infected?? Also can infections get really bad before they spread to brain ie ok left a 1 week or so?

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When I book for fri afternoons they always warn me that could Mean canceled and twice in two months booked and it's been cancelled . I have two weeks till I'm off from work then I'm free this 'cold!' is so mild that im scared it's due to wisdom teeth had it five days now

Em.ma

05-12-12, 20:26

Also every time I cough my whole head hurts so badly

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my gums kill when coughing very scared got app two weeks away again

Em.ma

07-12-12, 23:17

Cough getting worse this cold started week ago now worried I'll get hooping cough as that's on the rise again

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Also heard tb is were I live so worried

nomorepanic

07-12-12, 23:18

You will have been vaccinated against TB and where did you hear it is where you live? It is very rare Emma

Em.ma

07-12-12, 23:27

I heard these people at the bus stop talking about it x they were saying it's coming back because of resistance to the drugs we use?

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Hooping cough is worrying me to as clearly have rubbish immunity so wodnt be able to fight it do only kids get it?

AuntieMoosie

08-12-12, 03:37

Hi Emma:)

As I understand it, whooping cough is only really dangerous for young babies. The increase that is happening with that is only effecting newborns, I know cos my daughter has just had a baby and she was given the whooping cough vaccine when she was 8 months pregnant so as the baby will be immune to it:)

cassy1989

08-12-12, 10:32

Hi Emma. Do you receive any help for your anxiety? If not you do really need to seek it. I remember a few years ago I was just like you, convinced every little thing was some thing serious to the point where I started thinking how my family would cope if I died. But I got help and now I'm a lot better. I'll admit I do still have little thoughts every day like what if this pain is some thing serious but I can brush them off a lot easier and think a lot more rationally then before! Please get some help, you can't spend your life like this xx

Em.ma

08-12-12, 20:09

Thanks. Seeing gp twice every month not having counselling at the moment. As of today I'm quitting using my earphones as I've used them everyday for years on full blast and worried its affecting my hearing haha

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I'm also terrified what ill do wen nan dies. She's on cholesterol tablets but she only takes one every other day not every day like she should do soo scared and wen mum n dad die to :(

Em.ma

11-12-12, 18:59

At work we have rats that got in out canteen and locker room it's an industrial estate recently got rodenticide placed around th area but the rats have been their ages . Dad had a programme on called house and I heard it upstairs this lady had the plauge had liver failure sleep disturbances had six hours to live extreme bleeding and it was caused by rodents!!!! Now I'm terrified ill die as imagine they've been scurrying along our tables were we eat my work is in the middle of nowhere in fields that's whys there is rats but I'm scared

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Also had a slight cough now for over a week started as sore throat then just a mild mild mild cough barely there at all oh and a bad ear that cleared

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Trying to convince my self nothing wrong with me but can't help it:( also worried going to have a heart attack as cant run for thirty seconds without gasping and gasping for breath and only eighteen really bad all I used to eat is bacon bacon cheese ice cream etc only 8.5 stone though but got a quite a bit of fat on me

Apple81

11-12-12, 19:44

Emma - it sounds like you've had a hangover then a cold. Colds can be horrible and can last for weeks. If you had bubonic plague you would know - I can't think of a case i've heard about in the UK.

I know it's difficult, and I know what you're going through, but you have to try and calm down. Alcohol always makes me feel worse and I'm on the waiting list for CBT. You need to insist that your GP refers you.

Brunette

13-12-12, 15:12

Reading some of your previous posts, what stands out to me is that you worry about irrational things rather than those which most people - even those who don't consider they suffer from anxiety - would worry about. Having unprotected sex for example or, as with this thread, injuring yourself because you were drunk and, in fact, not really knowing what it was you drank.

You act irresponsibly as regards your own health and wellbeing, you put yourself at genuine risk and it doesn't seem to bother you, yet you can interpret a hangover as a brain haemhorrhage and worry about a disease like plague which simply does not exist in Britain at this time. Personally I find that very strange.

Sorry if you don't like my post but that's the way I see it. It just doesn't add up to me.

I just wonder if this is a metaphor for something else that's going on in your life? That you are focussing on these irrational fears to avoid confronting the real issues - whatever they may be?

Em.ma

13-12-12, 19:39

Thank you I can see where you are coming from though I defiantly suffer health anxiety but ultimately my fear of death is the issue ... I do worry about heart attacks cancers strokes etc etc all common things most ha sufferers have worried about at one point or another I'm sure I'm however still somewhat reluctant to say i suffer ha I don't consider my self to be mentally unwell... I can't think of any underlying issues i was bullied badly as a child very badly I have two friends only and my mum does not allow me to voice opinions at all or will react physically towards me as she used to when I was a child she would throw shoes at me etc etc... At school thr whole class used to torture me all day would cut my hair be rude hit me leave marks on me I still have a scar now would miss weeks of school at a time used to wake up crying go to school literally screaming like a baby at the top of their lungs come home cry fall asleep . I lost 4 stone because of this at one point and was 5 stone in weight I'm now 8.5 with a bit of a belly one me as I'm a little shorty . :/ . I worry about things like If I see someone standing still on the street in the dark they have a gun and want to kill me is my first thought if a car pulls up near me it's omg what does this person want with me etc... I can't say I enjoy life at all and if I wasn't so scared of death I'd want to be dead. Also at the moment I'm worrying because when I have a drink I keep coughing and there's a tickle in my throat so I'm going to choke in my head or stop breathing suddenly .

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I have absolutely no self esteem or confidence I walk around with my head down I don't ever think I see the sky or the sun or moon . I'm ugly I know I'm ugly I hate my self and wish I was someone else .

Brunette

14-12-12, 12:39

Honey, don't you see? You have nailed it right there!

The bullying and abuse are the underlying issues for all of this: your health anxiety (which, ultimately IS the fear of death) and your lack of self esteem. It's no wonder you are scared of so many things - you are living with someone that scares you in the one place where you should feel safe - your home.

It also sounds as if your bullying issues were never properly resolved at the time and, as a result, you have been carrying this stuff around with you since. No wonder you are the way you are. Anyone would be. I feel for you.

Looking at your other thread, it is a really good thing that you are planning to move out of your family home, I would do this as soon as you can. Once you have, hopefully you be able to start moving on in your life.

Meanwhile, are you able to tell your GP about this so that they can refer you for some proper treatment?

Mr Brownstone

14-12-12, 13:10

Emma. doesnt there come a time when, of all the thousands of things you think have been wrong with you, you realise that not a single one has actually happened? Try to focus on that. The overwhelming odds are that you'll go through life with no serious illnesses.

Em.ma

14-12-12, 18:59

Hello. Feeling low today . My friend. One of the two I have I haven't seen for three weeks has no time really is going out tonight with loads of people but not asked if I'd like to go!! I asked it i could but no reply since then but know his been on his phone as can see on facebook plus other friend said he received a text from him...Just says busy when ever ask whether he wants to meet I've not seen anyone for three weeks im always lonely this is the third weekend I've had nothing to do I feel so alone I have no one to talk to ever and it makes me so depressed my gp I see every two weeks but he doesn't know about thr bullying etc I will bring that up next time I see them. My other friend however is always genuinely busy with stuff and his career etc etc ... Friend one says I'm his best friend but to be honest I just don't get it. Had a bad day today had two cream cakes a ice bun and belguim bun a cookie etc and now feeling ill be fat all I ever used to eat was chocolate crisis bacon etc i can't run or walk without being out of breath I'm terrified my arteries are clogged with fat. I can't do exercise unless indoors then I get told of for making a noise ... I can't do exercise outside I hate being outside its scary. Also during pe at school I'd write my own note pretending to be mum to get out of pe as I had no one to work with and everyone laughed at me when I got changed and when I actually did some exercise....... Mr brownstone I say that to my self but I just get wound up again again.... The next bit is about bowel movements so skip of you want to to until the !Today went to loo and it had all this gooey light brown stuff in my poo I just feel its cancer all the time this happens I am sure that some of you know about my bowel cancer thread from a long time ago when I had problems with this all the time! You are safe from here! Also I see how people see the abuse and bullying are the underlying issues I just find that hard to get my head around really :( x

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Also terrified ill loose my job my manager ( who owns the company) called me to his office today and asked how I knew about something which I wasn't meant to ( a court case ) I lied and said it was my other manager who who chooses to sack people or not . As I couldn't grass on the other person as I'm not a grass and can't bring my self to do that now thinking about it I should of just said general gossip without my job I don't know what I'd do

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Btw manager two has told other people about it just not me how ever he did ask if I knew and I said yes

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I'm convinced I will die young my life style is not healthily but I do not know how I can improve it at all to be honest with you . :( I want to but I don't have the will power my brain won't allow me to I just end up in tears all the time and sleep to shut the world always a disappointment when I wake up again :(

Em.ma

15-12-12, 00:01

Really don't want to spend the weekend on my own again this weekend with no friends in my life

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My weekend is some cleaning and possibly tescos or city centre on my own tomorrow and possibly the bank . Dreading filling the two weeks off over the Xmas break we have from work for some reason the first day getting hair done need to buy a mirror and a crimbo present then friend has actually pencilled me in on Friday 21st deep down I know he cares It just doesn't always feel that way then Saturday ill properly pop over to see aunt or nan and finish xmas shopping (im a late shopper!) the Sunday cleaning before family at Xmas then I don't know after that

CameronG

15-12-12, 04:54

Hi Emma, just read a through of your posts! I don't know what treatment your receiving meds / therapy, but without trying to alarm you, you need some help ASAP. I was kind of in your boat, constantly thinking I was going to die from various different things, you need to step back and have a word with yourself, try to rationalise, for example a read a post about redness to your calf, your automatic reaction was "it must be a blood clot in goin to die" you should rationalise and think, I've just been in a hot shower, it's that! Or I may of banged it etc.

Because of the way I was I looked at a few things that didn't help, I noticed my anxiety panic would be hell from Sunday to a Thursday, tried to make a link, unbelievably it took a while then it hit me, my binge drinking, partying hard Fridays & Saturdays then by time I recover it's Friday again! I googled the affects of alcohol on anxiety and was quite surprised, don't get me wrong I'm not trying to preach to you more advise you as I still have a drink myself on a Saturday knowing the consequences, a just drink a lot less than I did.

A few other things you could consider (If you do them)

Caffeine - too much
Smoking
Sleep - lack of
Food, try slow releasing foods high in energy I.e bananas

Take some time, do a bit research on different things that an affect anxiety you'll be surprised.

Anyway that's enough for my essay! Ha
If you wana chat PM me any time x

Em.ma

15-12-12, 13:44

Hello I do drink coffee however I have decaf coffee I have the occasional cup of tea at the weekend I don't smoke I have too much sleep as I just get bored and think ill go back to sleep. Some days my diet is great other days not so much so far today I had shredded wheat with banana and grapes for breaky then went back to sleep and two slices of brown toast with butter and marmite for lunch. About half an hour ago. My one friend I feel makes no time for me I see on Facebook him asking everyone if they want to go out go round someone's house for a party etc ill ask and I get no reply what so ever he has so nicely 'penciled ' me in his diary for next Friday but won't let me see him with other friends as I've been told not to join in. I remember a time at school I was called an ugly man so much I came home once and cut my long curly hair and shaved it to a number two with my dads shaver that he uses :( I really don't enjoy life at all my dad will die of liver failure or cancer my mum a heart attack or a stroke or cancer my nan will die and then who will I have ? No one . I talk to people at work but no one ever says goodbye at the end of the day or see ya later etc they just walk off even if I do try. Is their something wrong with me? Once in London these two strangers teenage boys laughed and said looked at her etc she's butt ugly and a builder once said it as we'll shouted at me 'your beeping ugly love' another women also came up to me and said I have a funny face as well. Really do not feel good about my self at all!! I don't take any meds the last Time I got some my mum found them and threw them out and said never bring those in my house again you pathetic child. So lovely of her.im constantly put down by her I'm useless a child need to grow up etc etc. she doesn't think I suffer anymore as I haven't spoken to her for well over a year about it because she would just get violent so what is the point? There is no one in my life who I can speak to about my problems at all.

Em.ma

15-12-12, 21:29

I'm so terrified all the time . I'm convinced I will die at age 23. I don't know why but my instincts tell me that's when I will. I'm so terrified of death. I'm so terrified of medication I'd have to take it in secret and if something bad happened no one would help me at home. If I'm not asleep I'm crying I really don't like my self I'm an ugly human being on the outside everyone tells me so and their right that's what makes it worse. I can't die I'm to scared but I don't want to live either this is such a waste of a life. I'm a nice person . My father bought my brother a Xmas card his 16 and I'm 19 but he didn't get me one I asked him and even that made me upset for some reason

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http://i47.tinypic.com/j9aclj.jpg
http://i48.tinypic.com/fnwh1s.jpg
http://i47.tinypic.com/yoryt.jpg

This is me :( I feel really nervous showing these photos their nasty and horrible photos . When my family dies I do not know what I will do mum smokes and has asthma and coughs all the time she's going to have an asthma attack a heart attack or cancer lung or throat dad drinks to much he will have cancer or liver failure my dear nana she's as skinny as a rake but she's got high cholesterol but she only takes her pill every other day not every day like told to as she doesn't like the side effects. They told her if she didn't she could have a heart attack in 10 years or less :( . I just want a friend. All I do at home is clean and surf the web I'm so unfit so unhealthily if I make it past 23 my heart won't last me long as it'll be clogged with fat.

I'm sorry I'm so beyond help from anyone and nothing anyone says on here can help me or change the way I am anymore. It's just I don't have anyone to say this to. I'm self absorbed in my own world and I just can not get out of it. I really don't like my self why can't I be in someone else's body? Some pretty girls body

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Also on my two big toes I've had to black marks one on each for ages they were low down at first but as nails grown they've moved up and nearly disappeared bit worried cant be a bruise as their both on the exact same place on both nails

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I'm also terrified terrified ill loose my job then wth will I do with my life!

mumo42012

15-12-12, 22:18

Hi there. Where abouts are u from? I do not think that u are ugly!! Hopefully u wil believe this urself one day. Xxxx

Rls1994

15-12-12, 22:27

Hiya Emma!

I'm so sorry to hear about your issues. But please believe me when I say you are NOT UGLY! I personally think you are very pretty! If you need anyone to talk to, you can always message me on here. I'm on here an awful lot so I will always get back to you quite quickly.

You are too young to be worrying about death honey, and I promise you that nothing will happen to you when you reach 23.

Stay strong and take care, I know you can get through this.

Anxious_gal

16-12-12, 00:42

You really need more therapy. Get yourself onto a waiting list for maybe CBT?
If you can afford it go private,
There may be other free mental health services, so it's worth asking the doctors or calling up the NHS.
Your health anxiety is very bad, it's a lot like the way mine was when I had a very bad week, so it must be very hard for you to deal with it every day.

Also your brain still growing and you're still learning to process your emotions.
On one hand this makes you more prone to anxiety and depression but on the other hand with therapy you can learn to change your thinking habbits and things.

I don't know who has been telling you you're ugly!
Even celberaties don't look so hot when they've not had their make up and hair done.
You're perfectly normal looking, I mean there is nothing ugly about you, but we all manage to zoom in on our own flaws and magnify them.

I thought my skin was very bad one day and I had someone comment on how nice and clear my skin is!
So what we see isn't always what others see.

Despite how bad your anxiety is, I do feel that your health anxiety is worse than my own yet you manage to work! I mean despite how you feel you actually manage to go to work :)
Honestly I think that's pretty awesome of you.

You need to keep in mind your anxiety and fears are not always right.
Think about all the times you worried about your health, I mean you're still here :)
Nothing really bad happened, excepted you wasted energy worrying about something that never happened in the end.

Em.ma

16-12-12, 16:01

Thanks. It's the loneliness that's really getting me down at the moment. In my phone book I have five people mum nan aunty a friend a friend considering cancelling my phone as I am paying for it for no reason what so ever as i rarely speak to friend two and friend one I feel never has time for me . I dread weekends . Work is the only thing keeping my sane at the moment at least it's some interaction with someone other than my family. I've never had friends not once invited to a party as a child . Spent my time aged 7-11 locked in the toilets at breaks and lunches at school as I would just sit by my self in the playground I did ask to play but was never allowed to join in with the other kids. I just feel lonely and miserable all of the time. We are only working a three day week this week but I'd rather work five days dn work on Xmas day and threw Xmas to be honest. At the moment my health has taken a back seat but I'm sure I suffer because of all this really. Today all I'm doing is taking a shower putting up Xmas decs and tidying my room a bit then ill just sit like normal and worry because that's all ill do ill die young and ill loose my sight from looking at a screen to much. It's a vicious cycle I want to go out but I don't want to at the same time as people shouldn't have to see my face. I do suffer from severe winter skin dryness on face my lips bleed and chap etc etc. it doesn't help my confidence at all haha xx also friend one knows I use this sight and I'm worried his seen this and knows..... His not replied to my text sent yesterday despite me knowing his used his phone. I can't think of one thing about my self I like. :/
Also terrified ill loose my job at the moment . It's like a life support machine to me .

---------- Post added at 16:01 ---------- Previous post was at 12:34 ----------

Well fish chips peas for tea or pasta with something? Then might enjoy a xmas movie or download a book on my ipad to read .

Em.ma

16-12-12, 21:30

Brunette

17-12-12, 16:56

Emma, did you not read my previous post?

The bottom line is that you have been traumatised through living with a parent who scares you and your past experience of bullying at school.

You need to tell your GP and get some counselling - it's these things that are giving you low self esteem and making you anxious. Other people have done this to you. You are not to blame. However you ARE the only one who can do anything about it.

Em.ma

19-12-12, 19:21

Also convinced my self I have lung cancer or will have an asthma attack I've never been diagonised with asthma but did have a puffer when I had a cold as a child. Every time I have a drink and swallow I cough and get a tickle in throat

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Also when I breathe in get a tickle in throat really terrified I will die I do not have a cold I feel fine

Regarding this I work in a bulding made of astebos so bit worried its because of this as its still happening the coughing when breathing in and taking a sip of a drink not all thr time but sometimes get a ticke in throat when breathing in

Brutenne you are right - I agree with you I guess I've just tried to ignore it in the past hoping it would just stop and go away need to get my life back in track.

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Obviously have breathes in some dust when I swep the floors at the work it has been known to go all up in my face out of my carelessness

Apple81

20-12-12, 22:01

Please don't worry sweetie - you look perfectly lovely to me. What did you do this evening? X

Em.ma

21-12-12, 17:11

Not feeling great today . Really sad and teary and lonely. :(
Feeling very anxious but I do not know why. Just feel like I am going to burst into tears at any second now.
All this stress and anxiety has got to be having a physical affect on me my heart must hate me. I'm so scared ill have s heart attack due to long term stress I've heard about this.
I HATE my life so much .
Yesterday evening I did nothing apple like every other evening of my life:(

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I can't go on anymore . I don't see the point of getting out of bed in the morning.

rated_r90

21-12-12, 17:31

If you're not happy with your life Emma, only you can change it! Don't let anxiety and depression control you anymore. Your life isn't going to improve if you continually let your negative emotions rule you. You will just continue on this self-destructive cycle until YOU decide to break it. Life can get so much better for you in the future!

Remember, you can call the Samaritans 24/7 if you need to physically speak to somebody about how you're feeling: 08457 90 90 90. They are a great service.

Good luck! :)

Em.ma

21-12-12, 23:07

Thank you I am going to deal with this face on 2013 can't be like this for me.
I've all of a sudden got a bad headache and feel very very nauseous all of a sudden and it's not a very nice feeling feel very unwell Nd frightened

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I feel like I'm dying

Anxious_gal

22-12-12, 06:19

You won't die :)
I get headaches with dizziness and nausea too.
I know they can be scary.
Sorry you're still feeling so stressed

Gibbo

22-12-12, 11:51

Emma i dont want to sound like i am preaching to you here and this is just my opinion and advice but i think you really need to see a health professional ASAP.....and you need to tell them everything you have said on here. I also think you need to speak to a counsellor to start to address your issues which obviously stem from your childhood. Rather than sit in doing nothing every night which is giving you the opportunity to over think, why don't you join a gym, go swimming, take up a hobby, learn a new language....anything that will get you out of house and meeting new people and take your mind off the other things. I know it's hard to rationalise the health concerns as I've been there too but from reading your thread I really think you need to address your past, and start building your self esteem and confidence to have a better future. You are never going to address your health anxiety until you feel stronger to do so but only YOU can make the changes, take small steps....focus on what will make the biggest difference. There are lots of support agencies that can help you feel stronger to address these. See 2013 as a new beginning and a happier future xxx