Scared of telling my parents that I'm bi?

[Rls1994]

Uhmm, I've been wanting to tell them for about a year or so now, but never got the courage to do so just in case the reaction is a lot worse than I expect it to be. They're supportive, wonderful and understand most things but the things they say whenever there's a gay/lesbian/bisexual on TV, they don't seem to like them at all.... :unsure:

BUT, do I need to tell them? I mean I don't think it's that important to be honest. But let's say some day down the line I am in a relationship with a girl... My parents will find out eventually and then what? I'm worried about them not liking me anymore because of it. I have four sisters and all of them are straight, besides me. My family are the only people I have in my life, and love a LOT so I don't want to lose them or anything. This is giving me a bit of anxiety now.

So erm, what should I do? Should I just grow some and just tell them? Or should I just leave it?

[Tyke]

I don't see why you need to tell them at the moment. It isn't really an issue until you are in a relationship with another girl - why risk spoiling things?

Maybe you would be best off trying to work out which members of your family would be most supportive if and when you do come out - even if all your sisters are straight, some may be more sympathetic to your plight than others. Do any of your sisters have friends who are bi?

Tyke :)

[Tessar]

Hi Rls. You might need to go & make a cuppa as I’m afraid I have waffled on rather a lot here. But I felt I had lots to say……

Its different for each person whether they decide to open up about their sexuality. I think tyke is spot on about working out which members of your family would be most supportive. I'm glad you've asked the question as it's important to weigh up the pro's & cons. I would love to reassure you that people will always respond in a positive manner but of course as you already know, there is no guarantee and this is the quandry.
I relate strongly to what you say as I've been there myself. My parents have always disapproved strongly of anything gay/lesbian/bisexual (theyre catholic). I was scared to admit to my family that I was gay; it took me decades to tell them. I knew for a long time but was too scared to act on my feelings. When I finally did, I kept quiet as I had to get used to the idea myself. I feared it would change me, I'd have a label stuck to my forehead saying "lesbian" (I dont like that word, I still think it sounds scary!). But I didnt change, I am still “me”.
One important thing that did change is I discovered my “true self”. I’ve been in a relationship with a loving partner for nearly 17 years & so I’m glad I followed my instincts. After this length of time, when I meet new friends, colleagues now I dont even bother "coming out" now. I just talk freely about my partner; just like anyone else would. I'm that far down the line these days if they dont like who or what I am, that's tough. Its their loss. Actually I have never had a bad reaction from anyone at all which is brilliant. I think I have been lucky in that respect.
I told some colleagues first.... they’d worked it out anyway. They were brilliant & felt honoured I'd talked about it. By the time I told my family theyd also worked it out. My difficulty was with my mother as I have a complicated relationship with her anyway & always felt she didn’t love me. I didn’t want to lose what was left of my relationship with her but I needed to be honest & open. I couldn’t go on any longer without being open.
I knew that in her eyes I had committed “the cardinal sin” but also I know I don’t act this way to hurt my parents. This is me & as I said, I have to be true to myself. I would have led a very sad existence otherwise. My mother didnt push me away but clearly struggles; we never talk about it. I've never spoken directly to my father but he seems ok, our relationship didn’t alter. My brothers didnt bat an eyelid; they knew already. It just got accepted without any particular fuss.
Deep down I know my parents dont approve & no matter what that is not going to change. My only sadness over it is that despite me clearly having a great relationship that makes me very happy, my parents cant acknowledge the achievement or be truly warm about it. That does make me very sad but I have to accept that they could have gone ballistic over it & pushed me away, but to their credit they didnt.
I feel the best thing to do is go with your instincts. Only commit to saying something if & when it feels right for you. For me it helped to come out to people other than my family first, this eased me into it I suppose. If you do decide to go ahead, then picking the right place & time is important, it needs to be somewhere private so that the person or people dont feel too pressured.
Its always difficult to gauge how people will react & I'd love to come out with some wondrous advice to reassure you. I understand fully why you are concerned about losing your family so in the end, you can only go with what feels comfortable.
I would suggest looking online where bi-sexual people tell their stories about coming out. I appreciate that there will be good & bad accounts of how people found it but it isnt possible to know how the outcome would be for you. Of course it's risky but ultimately it is about feeling comfortable about yourself.
Before I go, I'd like to say thank you as well. Because I havent posted anything about my sexuality on this site til now. Even I (the experienced person I am in this matter - haha) wasnt brave enough to open up til I read your post. So - as I say, thank you. My final thought is that if you could continue researching the subject & then if you do find yourself in a relationship with a girl, you could open up at that point. You are very welcome to PM me also as I’ve often wanted to talk about this subject but haven’t really had an outlet….
I'd be interested to hear more, T.