am i depressed i can not shake this awfull sad feeling

[trish1955]

not sure if i am putting this in right place but really need some advice i have suffed panic anxiety and agraphobia since i was 12 i am now 57 i have been married 3 times had six children wich are now grown ups there ia just 2 at home now my 21yr old who works and my 18 yr old whom moved back home in march with her 1 yr old little oy when i was bringing up my brood i maiged even when my fears and phobia were bad i dont no ow i coped but i just did me and my children are verey close my youngest one who i just told you about that as moved back in with her little boy puts on me alot i thought i would be able to have some me time now but she sits back way to much and being a tidy person in the home she knows i will keep cleaning thee mess she and the little one makes i cant help it my husband also does nothing i mean nothing in the house he tends the pond up the garden wich started out somthing my 2 sons did for me over 3 yrs ago i wanted a smll pnd were i coukd sit in summer and listen to the water fountine in the midddle my husband stated picking out all the faults a re did it and compleatly took over in one way i was glad he had a hobby other than sitting n the pc 24 7 even though he does make him self a little bit of pocket money im wich he spends on any thing he wants me i get dla but never see it as it goes on the table in the gas a nd electric i have to claim how benafit with me being the one with the problem wich adds even more stress as its all down to me were every penny goes i do food shopping online he is always calling me and putting me down if i have a day were i dont want to cook he dont get any thing for him self he will say i will starve like i always do i say there is somthing if you look he says there is nt anything he like yet if i had just cooked what ever he would eat it all tis and much more goes on my son who works will just get somthing and not moan why dont his dad just do teh same i dont no how come i wrote all this maybe i am looking at why i feel so sad and as to why my anxiety and agraphobia ae at there worst i dont get dressed at all i dont care what i look like well do care as i moan about how i look yet can not be botherd or even no how to get some kinda care about my self back lost it over the past 6 yrs more and more each year i really dont like what i am feeling i dont do meds afraid of side effects any words would be appreciated thanks for lettin me go on take care trish x

[panickyme]

Awwwww Trish I am sorry you are going through all this. Sounds like you have a lot of stress right in your own home. That makes it hard. I would like to send you a hug :hugs:and if you need a friend, I will be there for you. Debbi

[trish1955]

thanks debbi to be honest i have gone through so much this past few yrs i was really poorly last week i had the sick bug wich is another panic thig hate being sick i had a water infection as well my doc came to see me she said i looked burned out i said i felt it and became emotional i love my daughter and her son but the house we are in is so small we moved here in 2006 as me ant three oldest daughter al lived on one street in a area i had lived for 50yrs and after 2 of my daughters had thee windows shor threw with a shot gun the polic helped us to move away and we moved to this lovely little village my daughter moved here first then i had moved from the place that the incdent happen but was not happy so i got a swap to this village wich turned out to be next door to my daughter wich was good for me as i lived next door but one wen we was all living on he same street my 3rd daughter moved here as well so did my eldest son who as now moved back to the awfull area we left that was last yr i cryed every day for weeks as i didnt want him t go back that way my 2nd daughter lives over there as well its not same place its abot 7mile from were it happend maybe a bit more but i still worry about them i have settled here now i do love this place but dont seem to go out at all just latley i did use to pop down local shops at nigt in daughter car and wen ever she goin out she will pop round and ask if i want a ride i keep saying no and th e more i dont go the more i dont want to go does that make sense its just i no i am going to be anxiouse all the time i am out and it wears me out just want to enjoy simple things but cant will i ever get any thing back god here i go again sorry thanks again trish xx

[Thumbelina]

Hi Trish,
You have 6 lovely children and a grandchild, what can be the better reason than that to be good for them.
You have been through a lot of stress and though you have managed to bring them up, so its the time now to enjoy relaxing time. Ot helps to have a daily plan for fhe things to do.
Take care

[panickyme]

Trish don't be sorry, you are going through so much, and you need to talk. Sometimes just having someone to talk to can make you feel so much better. I am so glad you moved, and that you are in a safe place now. :) I am a mother of 4 children , and I know just how much anxiety they can cause us. You sound like such a loving, caring, person they are all very lucky to have you.

---------- Post added at 18:31 ---------- Previous post was at 18:18 ----------

Trish I am going to PM you. :)

[trish1955]

Hi Trish,
You have 6 lovely children and a grandchild, what can be the better reason than that to be good for them.
You have been through a lot of stress and though you have managed to bring them up, so its the time now to enjoy relaxing time. Ot helps to have a daily plan for fhe things to do.
Take carehi go again i have 6 grandchildren the oldest is 16 the youngest 1 but there is another due in january and yes i would love to be better to beable to take them o the park if only i could never take my children to the park as things never lifted enough to do that i didnt lways get to there school play to watch them i did manige the odd one or to under alot of anxiety would love to ave sat and full enjoyed it i often said to my children did you ever feel let down by me not doing some things with you they say no mam you was always there to greet us when we got home and you always listend to us it was enough they say they felt lucky because i was always there for them bless um

[panickyme]

Awwwww Trish, you are such a sweet person ( I could just see how happy you would be greeting them) right now you are doing your best, and that's all you can do.:) Don't be so hard on yourself, you have endured more then most people do in their entire life time. I think you are a very brave women, to have faced what you have faced. (and you did something about it) :yesyes: Trish are you able to get any counseling? and also are you feeling any better, from when you were sick. I hope so. Sending you a big hug. :hugs:
Trish I sent you another pm

[trish1955]

yes thanks i am better than i was with bug and that you no what else i find frustrating when i was younger and had the kids if i was ill 9 out 10 i would work it off doing chores and looking after the kids i also do my own decorating even painting the cielings and my husband sits here and lets me i get so angry some times he is 10yrs younger than me as well i no my cieling wants doin so bad in kitchen and i just dont seem to beable to muster up energy to do it now same with house work i dont do in a day what i use to i no i am getting older and you do get slower but i get so angry when it down to me all the time i do no anger adds to anxiety as well well had my daily moan lol people say why dont you tell him i said he as away of turning round to being all my doing he is good at it to take care trish xx