Don't cope well this time of year

[Iced_diamond]

Does anybody else have the feeling that this time of year everything starts falling apart and you gest very stressed? As a GAD and health anxiety sufferer I find it extremely hard coping during the run-up to Christmas and the Jan, Feb months which follow. I have a full-time job which I have to travel to about 30 mins each way-I don't much enjoy my job and find my boss a bit picky and irritating, which can upset me sometimes. I understand I have to work, but I like to finish my work and then go home. However during this time of year I find this hard, as everyone always wants to do something after work like go to the Xmas Market, go to an office party, go for x-mas lunch, meet up to have cake together etc. I find this quite distressing-odd I know, but as I am very paranoid about food I find it hard to eat things which I haven't prepared myself and ge really scared about eating food-then usually we end up going somehwere I don't want to go and I end up having to pay for food I don' like and don't want...Then you have to cope with all this illness going around (flu, colds, sick bugs etc), which I again find hard to cope with (especially the sick bug scares me silly and I picture arriving at work and being sick everywhere!) Then there's a lot of pressure to get work done by a deadline, the worry of ice and snow and not being able to get ino work, the stress of buying people Christmas presents at the week-ends, having to go attend parties, gatherings etc...Everyone else I know loves all the hype and all the get-togethers and the food etc, but I just hate it all! I know it's largely to do with my anxieties, but I really feel so helpless and just fed-up at the moment. I feel like people expect all this of me, which I just can't do...but how can I put that across without seeming like a complete and utter weirdo?? I am not sleeping well lately, which is why I'm up here at 7 in the morning on a Sunday-just hoping to get some replies from people who may feel the same or can offer some sort of comfort. Thank you all. :hugs::hugs:

[camperlady]

hi iced diamond, dont worry, you are not alone, i,m just the same, hate christmas run up, people think you shud be soooo excited n jolly just cos christmas is on its way, well, no, it brings worry, stress and money problems to me and the guilt of feeling like a scrooge when can,t afford a lot, parties, shopping, get togethers, make me want to get under the duvet :scared15:, i,m ok when it actually gets to christmas day but the run up, nooooo, then, like you say, its jan n feb, the miserablist months of the yr to look forward to, arghhhhh, no, u are not alone or weird my friend xxxxx :bighug1:

[Iced_diamond]

Thanks Camperlady! It's good to know it's not just me. I am certainly a summer person and I will be counting down the days to summer again. Perhaps I should get an advent calendar for that! :D

[Tessar]

YES - I struggle this time of year - & know what you mean about illness going around. The whole sick bug thing.... I think there are many, many people about who feel the same. In the end though you just have to keep on going & try not to focus on too many negative things. I know its easier said than done but unfortunately germs are a fact of life. Like any other person, you probably do what you can to minimise catching something & providing that stays within reasonable limits then that's very sensible. But you have to not let it take over if you can. I use alot of techniques to distract me when I get obsessed over things, be it illness, Christmas run up (!!!) etc. I know what you mean about the food. I dont eat meat & if meals are cooked for me I have concerns relating to that (or relating to whether the food's ok). But in the end, I have had to learn to trust people as otherwise my fears would get in the way too much.
I'm not into the hype of Christmas at all but I know alot of people find parties etc lots of fun. I suppose with the world not always being a pretty place, people like to let off steam & enjoy themselves. That doesnt mean we are miserable, its just not our thing. Nothing wrong with that. I'm often reminded by my partner that I cant just "not do christmas", especially as it would mean my nieces & nephews would miss out. I couldnt hurt them....so I do make an effort. I have friends who like receiving cards as well - we all live a long way apart so it's an opportunity to catch up. So I feel I'm not so much doing it because it's Christmas, more so I'm keeping in touch with valued friends. Just another way of looking at it I suppose.
I'm not keen on the effort of christmas - getting presents, writing cards etc but this year I want it to be different. It does feel like an obligation rather than something I want or need to do. But my reasons for being anti-christmas do go quite deep. It relates to when I was growing up there was alot of friction, arguments, bickering etc in our household. Just the mention of christmas makes me think ughhh "here comes unpleasantness & pain". But I am learning I dont have to dwell on the past. I can change my outlook, build new happier memories - so I decided I want a nicer christmas this year. I'm only mixing with positive people who make me feel good. I'm standing up for myself. People who have hurt me over the years wont be part of the picture. Its liberating to know that on Christmas Day I wont be speaking with people who make me feel bad about myself. Instead I'm looking forward to a happier time.
I relate to your work situation: deadlines etc, so much is expected of people at work these days. I think you are expecting too much of yourself; It sounds like you are conscientious but are always pushing more & more. If the weather was bad & you couldnt get to work, would that affect some of your colleagues too? I have a 30min drive too, it can get dodgy so if I couldnt make it in due to poor weather, my bosses would have to live with it.No-one can help the weather, including you - but there's no point adding this to your list of worries. Try to let it go & only concern yourself if the situation actually comes up.
I can understand you'd feel fed up. This time of year does it to me too, I always see it coming & this year's no different. but instead of going down the same of track...... I am trying to fight back a bit & not go down the slippery slope. I dont think you are a weirdo at all, no way. May be lots of other people feel the same but are all just keeping on going because it's what is exepcted. You do need to give yourself a break..... so be kind to yourself, you deserve it for being such a hard worker.

[midnightstar]

I absolutely hate this time of year, my anxiety gets really bad round about this time of year and I just want to hide away until it's all over :scared15:

[jayjoe18]

I'm the same and I can totally understand the whole flu/bugs etc when you have health anxiety. I had extreme health anxiety about 2 years ago now and this time of year would be hell (especially when there was that outbreak of swine flu!) it's a nightmare! And on top of this you have all the social pressures of Christmas! And eating in front of people - horrible! I'm very fussy where food is concerned too, I'm not too bad anymore but I used to be the only one who could prepare my food as I didn't want anyone else to 'contaminate' it. It's definitely a much more stressful time of year, I try to take vitamins to build my immune system to try and avoid any of the bugs going around and try not commit to too much to make sure I don't get overwhelming anxiety. I know it's not nice to do, but you can always use the excuse of money to avoid the festive gatherings at work (bad I know!) but if you really can't stand to go I wouldn't put myself through the stress :)

[Iced_diamond]

Hi all and thanks so much for responding-it means a lot to me! Sometimes it can feel like you're the only "outsider". My work colleagues are really excited about the season and constantly want to do things and eat all the time...OMG. I know it's not their fault-it's my problem, but that's just how I am and if I have worries that other people don't understand or appreciate, then why should I put myself through stuff I don't want to do...however I feel I have this obligation to be what is expected of me, as work pays my mortgage and I feel like I can't come across as being difficult or picky. Seems though it's not enough to work 40 hours a week, you have to go along to things and eat stuff you don't want to eat...The other day we all sat together oin the office and had a slice of cake-I didn't really want a piece, as I feel better eating things I have made myself but I got a slice and tried to look invisible, but soon people starting watching me and asking why I wasn't eating-I felt embarrased and upset! Feels like I just can't live my own life-all just gets a bit much-and all the seasonal viruses and people japping on about them and their kids having them etc....Oh dear oh dear...:) But, I'm thankful for all your support. That's why we're all using this site-to show we're not alone. :hugs:

[eternally optimistic]

I'm with you all.

Its definitely not my favourite time of year, for sure.

I am sure we will all get through quite nicely and wonder, like we do every year, what it was all about...

Hope you all have a period of stress free time leading up to the BIG event.

Best wishes to you all.

[Alabasterlyn]

I hate this time of year too. I used to love Christmas and I can't remember when I went from loving it to hating it, guess it's been a gradual thing.

I'm not good at making plans in advance which for me is one major reason why I hate Christmas. It's bad enough knowing you have to get through Christmas Day but as you say it's all the other things people expect you to do. We are going to a really lovely posh Hotel for my OH's work's Christmas meal but I am dreading it already as I worry about how I will feel on the day.

I don't worry too much about coughs and colds but I do worry about falling over in the icy weather :scared15:

[Tessar]

...The other day we all sat together oin the office and had a slice of cake-I didn't really want a piece, as I feel better eating things I have made myself but I got a slice and tried to look invisible, but soon people starting watching me and asking why I wasn't eating-I felt embarrased and upset! Feels like I just can't live my own life-all just gets a bit much-and all the seasonal viruses and people japping on about them and their kids having them etc..
OMG, this is so me. There is hope regarding eating in front of others. we had a thing the other day at work where unexpectedly the bosses brough lunch in for everyone. i dont eat meat so needed to ensure anything i had didnt touch a meat sarnie. i dont like talking in front of lots of others but found that there i was babbling on about my civil partnership anniversary & realised EVERYONE was looking at me. but you know what, i just kept talking naturally, did my best not to show i felt (ridiculously) self-conscious & it passed. i didnt go hot or start sweating. it actually worked. i've had practice in doing this before & know i can do it, so for once my brain kicked in effectively.
re: a life of your own; i am working on getting one of those for myself. this xmas i am cutting hurtful people out of the equasion. i feel better already because knowing xmas day's gonna be spent with nice people. my partners family actually, as they treat me with respect unlike mine
the seasonal viruses thing - yeah i wish people would just SHUT UP about it....!!!! not on here of course, i mean people who insist as you say in jappin on..... i have fear of germs which means although i love seeing my nieces/nephews, i'm always paranoid about catching the dreaded thing!

---------- Post added at 10:42 ---------- Previous post was at 10:23 ----------


.... I'm very fussy where food is concerned too, I'm not too bad anymore but I used to be the only one who could prepare my food as I didn't want anyone else to 'contaminate' it.
this thread is strikes so many chords with me.... I've only just realised what a fussy eater i am. ive been told i have childlike eating habits. mostly i keep my fears of food being contaminated hidden from anyone except at home.
when i was growing up, my mother got angry about it. i'd refuse to eat ANYTHING even 1 day out of date or if hadnt been in the fridge overnight, or during the day it'd been out too long in the warm. even now my partner gets frustrated about me not eating things slightly over the use by date. i just cant.
because i dont eat meat i get paranoid that something meaty will touch my food, so buffets can be a iffy. xmas meals again the meat thing springs to mind - but BBQs - that's a biiig risk again coz of meat.
Also i have masses of foods i dont like (almost phobic about some). Whether its the smell, texture or taste... i just will not eat them or even go near them. its funny i told my colleagues the list of things i detest & they really do think i'm odd (in a nice way that is). some of the things i wont even touch because they are detestable.

[missybct]

I'm a bit of a mixed bag on this. I adore Christmas, because it reminds me of happy memories in childhood and it's a small tangible link to it. But I've realised in the years that have passed (I'm now nearly 28) that I end up getting more and more anxious as the time approaches.

I worry that it won't live up to my standards. I am terrible for looking at other people's lives and comparing them to my own and it frustrates me because I'm unemployed due to a variety of illness and our joint income is low. I worry about getting sick over Christmas - the sickness bug is my biggest fear and it would absolutely ruin any memories for Christmas for me. Oddly I was actually pretty ill one Christmas a few of years ago with the flu but it came at a bad time (break up with boyfriend and general health worries) so somehow I've managed to erase it out.

I think my worry this year is because it is the first Christmas for me and my boyfriend, I'm expecting it to be all cosy and romantic and loving. Because I'm going through a horrid period with anxiety I'm self destructing and going to end up hating the whole thing. I'm terrified something will happen to a family member, especially my Mum.

And then there is the food. In some ways I'm immune to Christmas parties because I don't work, and the office environment of bringing food in, plus my boyfriend's work doesn't have a party. In some ways I feel a bit sad because I've only ever been to two Christmas parties and seeing people having fun makes me feel lonely. But on the flipside, there is none of that "what if this buffet food isn't cooked" or "how long has it been sitting out for". I also don't have to worry about having to go to a restaurant I wouldn't pick - that was my biggest fear when I had a party about 8 years ago, the place we went for horrific for food and poisoning scares and I spent the next three days petrified.

I guess Christmas is portrayed as this huge, happy period. And when yours doesn't live up to the expectation, it leaves you feeling deflated.

[Iced_diamond]

Hi all, certainly lots of very familiar sounds I am hearing here. :) This site is great, as it doesn't make you feel alone or silly for thinking the way you do. If I am honest, I too used to enjoy Christmas as a child and teen. Then when I got into my twenties and started to become more of an adult and became better informed about things, I started all this worrying and panicking about things. i always worry about having a good time, as I feel like something bad will happen to ruin it for me...I guess I just don't want to get excited about something, if it's not going to work out well...I feel if I have this negativity in me, then I can't be disappointed. When I see people having a good time, I wish I could as well and on the surface I can-it's just all inside...Having just said all this and sounded positively dreary, I will also add that I have always gotten through this season-somehow. :) I will admit I have looked back and wondered why I fussed so much. But then, it comes again the next year and the next year and the next...When will it stop, eh? :wacko: