rjoepenk
02-12-12, 18:11
Firstly, Hi! I'm Joe. It's great to be on the forum.
After discovering this place last night and having a bit of a read I thought I'd sign up and post what I'm going through in the hope that I might find a bit of peace like it appears some other people on here have been fortunate enough to, because I think I may be at a point where I either get better at dealing with my HA, or spend the rest of my days as a gibbering wreck, and I'd much prefer the former. Here goes (Apologies in advance for the long-winded-ness)...
I first started experiencing HA about 2-3 years ago when I was a regular cannabis smoker. Like most people, when I first started smoking it (Around 5-6 years ago) one of the things I liked about it was that it chilled me out and slowed my heart rate as a consequence. I smoked it every day for around 2 years and then once I moved in with my girlfriend I became a less frequent user - we'd typically have periods where we'd smoke daily together for two weeks or so, then have a few weeks without it, with no real rules or system in place, just periods of smoking it and then having a break - and that is when the trouble started.
I would find when we were smoking it, particularly for the first time after a long break, that I would feel like my heart was going to explode. I could feel it thudding in my chest like the clappers, and I would, simply put, be convinced I was going to have a heart attack. My left hand and arm would often go numb at the same time which would only support the idea. At first I kept it to myself, I'd just sit there curled up with my girlfriend and watch TV or whatever in silence and it would usually subside eventually, however one day, when we were watching the Indiana Jones Trilogy of all things I just freaked out in front of her and was convinced I was going to die (Damn you and your gripping direction, Spielberg!). I rang NHS direct and was put through to a doctor who said he was 99% sure that it was nothing to do with my heart but I should go to A&E anyway just to be sure. They did an ECG and chest x-rays and they were both normal and I was sent on my way, happy in the knowledge that there was nothing wrong with me and thinking that was that. I wish I'd been right...
A few months later I started to experience excruciating pain in my stomach and booked an emergency appointment at my doctor's, after which I was sent straight to hospital and kept in for a week, at the end of which they discovered that I have a condition called diverticulitis, which is a bowel condition that comes from having a bad diet. Not great news, but its controllable as long as you clean up your act a bit and I have: I've stopped smoking pot for good and am making big steps towards improving my diet and making sure I'm getting enough sleep etc, and until recently I was feeling physically better than I have in years. But now the thudding heart is back, and it's killing me!
Last week I went for a job interview and was told to come back for a trial day. I did the trial day and it was quite physically exerting, walking door-to-door (The job is in sales) in gale-force winds and storming rain, so I was fairly knackered by the time we got back to the office. The office in question is on the top floor of the building and there's no lift, so you have no choice but to take the stairs. It was halfway up the stairs that my heart started whacking in my chest, you could say justifiably after the exertion I'd gone through, but I was absolutely terrified nevertheless (Which obviously made it worse). As soon as I'd sat down I had an exam paper pushed in my face and was told as soon as I'd done it that I'd meet the head of the company and be told whether I'd got the job or not. I did the exam with my heart racing and racing and went in to meet the guy and was told that I'd done very well and that I'd got the job. My working life has so far been restricted to shitty catering jobs, mostly in a part time capacity whilst studying at Uni and College, and this is a 'proper' job in sales, a really big opportunity for me, so getting it was a big deal, one of the most significant events in my life so far and it should have been one of the happiest, and it was totally ruined for me by this confounded bulls hit with my heart.
That was last week, and I've been getting it on and off all week, it won't go away. Last night we went out for dinner with friends and it was bothering me for pretty much the whole evening until I mentioned it to my girlfriend and she calmed me down, but I start this new job tomorrow and I'm petrified I'm going to have an anxiety attack in my first day at work (Where she won't be).
Does anyone have any suggestions or past experience in this kind of situation? I know that the more I worry about tomorrow and the more I build it up the worse it will be but I can't help it, I'm going bloody mad sat here typing this when I should be preparing myself for the start of my new career, what can I do??????????
After discovering this place last night and having a bit of a read I thought I'd sign up and post what I'm going through in the hope that I might find a bit of peace like it appears some other people on here have been fortunate enough to, because I think I may be at a point where I either get better at dealing with my HA, or spend the rest of my days as a gibbering wreck, and I'd much prefer the former. Here goes (Apologies in advance for the long-winded-ness)...
I first started experiencing HA about 2-3 years ago when I was a regular cannabis smoker. Like most people, when I first started smoking it (Around 5-6 years ago) one of the things I liked about it was that it chilled me out and slowed my heart rate as a consequence. I smoked it every day for around 2 years and then once I moved in with my girlfriend I became a less frequent user - we'd typically have periods where we'd smoke daily together for two weeks or so, then have a few weeks without it, with no real rules or system in place, just periods of smoking it and then having a break - and that is when the trouble started.
I would find when we were smoking it, particularly for the first time after a long break, that I would feel like my heart was going to explode. I could feel it thudding in my chest like the clappers, and I would, simply put, be convinced I was going to have a heart attack. My left hand and arm would often go numb at the same time which would only support the idea. At first I kept it to myself, I'd just sit there curled up with my girlfriend and watch TV or whatever in silence and it would usually subside eventually, however one day, when we were watching the Indiana Jones Trilogy of all things I just freaked out in front of her and was convinced I was going to die (Damn you and your gripping direction, Spielberg!). I rang NHS direct and was put through to a doctor who said he was 99% sure that it was nothing to do with my heart but I should go to A&E anyway just to be sure. They did an ECG and chest x-rays and they were both normal and I was sent on my way, happy in the knowledge that there was nothing wrong with me and thinking that was that. I wish I'd been right...
A few months later I started to experience excruciating pain in my stomach and booked an emergency appointment at my doctor's, after which I was sent straight to hospital and kept in for a week, at the end of which they discovered that I have a condition called diverticulitis, which is a bowel condition that comes from having a bad diet. Not great news, but its controllable as long as you clean up your act a bit and I have: I've stopped smoking pot for good and am making big steps towards improving my diet and making sure I'm getting enough sleep etc, and until recently I was feeling physically better than I have in years. But now the thudding heart is back, and it's killing me!
Last week I went for a job interview and was told to come back for a trial day. I did the trial day and it was quite physically exerting, walking door-to-door (The job is in sales) in gale-force winds and storming rain, so I was fairly knackered by the time we got back to the office. The office in question is on the top floor of the building and there's no lift, so you have no choice but to take the stairs. It was halfway up the stairs that my heart started whacking in my chest, you could say justifiably after the exertion I'd gone through, but I was absolutely terrified nevertheless (Which obviously made it worse). As soon as I'd sat down I had an exam paper pushed in my face and was told as soon as I'd done it that I'd meet the head of the company and be told whether I'd got the job or not. I did the exam with my heart racing and racing and went in to meet the guy and was told that I'd done very well and that I'd got the job. My working life has so far been restricted to shitty catering jobs, mostly in a part time capacity whilst studying at Uni and College, and this is a 'proper' job in sales, a really big opportunity for me, so getting it was a big deal, one of the most significant events in my life so far and it should have been one of the happiest, and it was totally ruined for me by this confounded bulls hit with my heart.
That was last week, and I've been getting it on and off all week, it won't go away. Last night we went out for dinner with friends and it was bothering me for pretty much the whole evening until I mentioned it to my girlfriend and she calmed me down, but I start this new job tomorrow and I'm petrified I'm going to have an anxiety attack in my first day at work (Where she won't be).
Does anyone have any suggestions or past experience in this kind of situation? I know that the more I worry about tomorrow and the more I build it up the worse it will be but I can't help it, I'm going bloody mad sat here typing this when I should be preparing myself for the start of my new career, what can I do??????????