Feeling so anxious about work

[nicbub]

Hi,
I'm returning to work next Monday after 9 months off maternity leave.I have been worrying about it for a while but woke up this morning feeling sick and panicky -probably because it will be this time next week.
I'm doing a different job when I go back as we went through a restructure so am panicking that I won't know what I'm doing, won't get any help etc.. and everyone I used to work with got made redundant so I have to get to know new people in my department. Going to ring my boss in a bit just to touch base really and sort out my first day back and even panicking about that. Not to mention upset about having to leave my beautiful baby boy...
Really stressing :weep:

[Annie0904]

Would you be able to go back on a phased return with a med 3 form? I know your situation is different as you have been on maternity leave but if you are anxious I am sure your doctor would recommend this.

[nicbub]

I don't know what that is? Haven't I left it too late now?

---------- Post added at 11:13 ---------- Previous post was at 10:45 ----------

I've just rang my boss. I think I sounded like a babbling mess I'm not good on the phone at the best of times, my heart was beating. I ended up blurting out that I was feeling very anxious about coming back. She tried her best to make me feel better about coming back and went over things I think I feel slightly better not sure yet as my hearts still racing!

[Annie0904]

A phased return is where you just start by going in for a couple of hours and gradually build it up. Speak to your doctor x

[Col]

Hi nic, it's very hard having babies and children and contemplating going back to work.
Before I was an anxiety sufferer I left my baby 2-3 full days in a nursey , I was absolutly heartbroken. SO now as an anxiety sufferer , I can completely get ~ where your comming from and that just makes it even worse! I went on a postgrad teacher training course at this time , so having to cram classroom, teaching at a school and university coursework ~ finished me off!!!! I was there from October and had to quit last year Febuary. I had a breakdown, wasn't the course but I've had constant bad luck and severe pressure and stress for the last 10 years( my first posts threads explain) but the course put the cherry on the cake!!!! Physically draining and emotionally was a wreck! To top it off huge mortgage at the time I was medically declared unfit & suffering from a breakdown. We'd finally moved out of the inlaws (5yrs) and finally got the house of our dreams when this happend.
We've been destitute to be honest and we have a little girl also but, at least I've been able to watch my kids grow and spend time as a mum with them both!!! That's the biggest PLUS despite all my distress and ruined career!
It's great that your getting back to work BUT ~ if it continues to cause you severe problems and becomes horrendous for you , would you consider ~ not going back?? It might, in the long run, if it gets you really down, be better you didn't return and return when you feel better able to cope ??? Just a suggestion.

Hope it all works out for you, either way. Takecare

[nicbub]

Thanks Col. Firstly I can totally relate to the postgrad teacher training because I did it myself. I completed the course but I too was a wreck during and afterwards and found that teaching wasn't for me at all. I couldn't cope with the demands and feeling like I had no work/life balance. I was in tears every night after school and knew this wasn't what I wanted, it was doing my health no good so I gave that up too. I work in a school now but as a teaching assistant.
I've had the chat with my husband about not working and we would really struggle to be honest but he is willing to tighten our belts if it comes down to it and I can not cope. I've had anxiety and depression for ages but been able to work I just feel it will be different this time with a baby and the fact I'll be missing so much of his life will really get me down. x

[Col]

Ahh bless you Nic , I know , it's soo hard being a mum, constant guilt as it is! Always trying to do the best, provide the best and sometimes it's just not that easy. It's great to talk to someone who understands, thanks. The PGCE was awful, when I quit because of my breakdown , I'd stand in the kitchen and sob! I felt like a failure, I studied for my BSc and did so well and did this after going back to college at night school when my daughter was 7months old, I was only 21 at the time and it took me I total to get my degree about 5 years because after college I did a foundation degree and then my degree! After this I worked in a NHS lab to gain practical training and then left to have my baby boy! I've tried soo hard and having a new house when I tried doing teacher training , was kind of, an investment! Gaining this teaching qualification , I felt would financially really and finally make us secure- at long last but, it wasn't to be! At least I've got my own home and now have valuable time with my beautiful kids! The career women burns away inside BUT what can I do - I can't have it all, I'd rather have my health and be there for my kids at the end of the day. I completely understand where your coming from and my heart goes out to you, I really hope you manage to find a solution, I know it sounds black or white but, its either delay your return to work or cut down your hours BUT if this still leaves you feeling like you do at the minute or worse,the posibility of leaving might have to be an option.
Take care and let us know what happens.:flowers:

[Annie0904]

nicbub I am a learning support assistant. They are not being very supportive of me at work at all and my husband says the same, if I have to leave we will find a way to manage somehow.

[nicbub]

Thanks for the support guys. Col I'm glad you've found happiness eventually, a career isn't everything I took a long time to realise that. Annie my boss is a nightmare she's not supportive at all. She's had about 4 bullying cases against her since I've been there but she's still there. She can be like Jekyll and Hyde though like just then she was really nice to me on the phone. It's good that we have supportive partners x

[Annie0904]

nicbub..it sounds like we work in the same place! My boss is just the same and they don't seem to care how ill I am, they just want me to get back to work. I fell off a ladder in June, fractured 2 metatarsals and it triggered off my anxiety again. I know they are not happy me being off so long. My husband just keeps saying my health is more important and he is right. Have you considered childminding? That is what I did when mine were little. x

[missybct]

Nicbub, there has been some really good advice on here so far and I hope you get the support you need. I have realised over the last ten years that my health is so much more important than a career - I wanted to be a doctor but had to jack it all in and haven't been right ever since.

Good luck x

[nicbub]

I did think about it a while ago but I heard the money wasn't very good? Plus I find it hard enough coping with just mine some days so don't know if I could cope! lol You're def right about health being more important than anything else. Money, jobs etc aren't important if you are suffering. I actually had counselling at one point because I was feeling so down at feeling like I'd wasted my life and time at uni when I decided not to do the teaching thing. I felt like everyone would just think 'what's the point of studying all those years if you're not going to do it?' and I have had some comments about being overqualified for the job i'm doing and people not understanding. It took me a long time to realise that being happy and healthy is more important than doing a job which would affect me in a negative way.
I've only recently gone back on my meds again as I've been having panic attacks and feeling low so I'm in the side effect stage at the mo which isn't helping. The good thing is I'm only back for 2 weeks then off for xmas so hopefully they'll have kicked in by the time I go back. x

[Annie0904]

The pay for childminding varies in different areas, if you had 2 to childmind it would be more than a teaching assistants wage.

[nicbub]

It's something to think about Annie thanks x