Feeling like i'm starting all over again

[dread]

For about a fortnight now I've ben in this massive blip and I feel like its ruining everything. I almost feel like I have never had anxiety before and this is all new to me, and its terrifying.
I've had anxiety about 4 years and was on citalopram, 60mg, which i was came down off gradually and have been without for 2 months, maybe more. I got a ccold the other week and my old anxiety symptoms just flooded in. I haven't, or at least dont remember, feeling like this since my first week of anxiety...four years ago.

I constantly feel sick, dizzy and the derealisation is unbelievable. I don't feel connected to anything and the last fortnight seems like forever. I am SO aware of how my chest feels, and even though I've managed to control the feelings to some extent I feel like im sitting around waiting for the biggest attack of my life. My GP gave me propranolol 10mg last week, and whilst ththey helped physically for a bit, my mind is running away wth me. I'm back at the GP later but I dreading the outcome...I'm either going to be back on meds and scared of them as my first few weeks on citalopram were horrific....or I'm gonna have to ride this out on my own.... I just don't know where to put myself, and I need some help :(

[Annie0904]

I am feeling much like this myself at the moment but we just have to keep telling ourselves that we have got better before so we can do it again. it is just a blip (even if it is a huge one!).

[Thumbelina]

So sorry dread,
Flu must hae provoked it, but dont worry and be opened to the options, if you stay for some time with hightened anxiety then ask doctors opinion. Maybe a very small dose will do. Or maybe you will not need them at all. Just dont put any conditions for yourself at the moment - if this or that. Let it be.
Another thing totally relate to myself - it happened times before but it feels like the first worst time.

[Col]

:grouphug: hi , bloody anxiety , panic problems gosh I feel heartbroken when I read posts such as yours!! Thank god for NMP where people really know and understand! I've got a phobia of meds and I have done it all alternative ways. From staying in for 6 months when before I'd go absolutley anywhere, just horrendous! Before I suffered with panic attacks, I never understood anything about anxiety related problems and just how debilitating it was for individuals! I'm loads better BUT that's just in comparison to the way I was last new year 2011, I'm still ' not right ' never will be, I think I'll always worry of its return, even if I did fully 100% recover. I had a blip at the supermarket yesterday! Was rushin around in the morning with kids and wanted to get out B4 Christmas shoppers. It was a bright day , so as I parked in the car park there was loads of shade & that was it because of change in light, I felt like I was gonna collapse & that is an immediate trigger for my panic!! I've not behaved like that in months, I said to hubby immediately " I've got to go home"! He told kids to jump back in the car, he got in he sat & then I said " no I'm ok let's go in"! I felt weired and slowly eased as I walked around the shop! Just a HORRID reminder how bad it feels. Like me you've had it and beatit before , hang in there , you'll do it again, do anything to distract yourself, eat and try sleeping well.:bighug1:

[dread]

Thanks for the replies...I think this is so much harder because I was doing so well after bwinf on meds and stupidly thought that was it and iI had all but 'cured myself' ...when the reality is I have this thing and need to accept it. Acceptance is so hard when it doesn't seem so long ago that I had no cares like this....I dont know how people do it!

I find myself wishing and wanting to be without the anxiety so much and so often but i know its reality and thinking that way is only a hinderance really :(

I feel almost like I have this terrible, guilty secret that's inside of me and its always on my mind, if that maks any sense? I'm nervous another going to the GP at 3.30 but I suppose noone is going to ddo it for me!

[missybct]

Hi Dread

Illnesses quite often set off anxiety attacks as we feel vulnerable and not ourselves. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with and you've made the right decision going to the doctors.

It might be worth explaining that you had very bad side effects from the citalopram when you first started on it. I'm not sure what dose your GP started you off on, but I know the lowest dose is 10mg (when I first started I was put on 20mg) so it may be an option to gradually bring yourself up on it so you can confront the side effects a bit better. I don't know how GP's view this, but if I remember rightly citalopram were not capulse form tablets, so you could always break them in half and take 5mg?

Good luck at the doctors.

[dread]

I am mixed about ttaking medication, especially citalopram, as i have read so much in here about people becoming immune to the effect or it being worse a second time round. Of course i ddon't know what the Doctors will say just yet, and part of me thinks he wont put me on meds unless I absoloutely hit rock bottom. I don't even know what iI want, which doesn't help!

I think I started my citalopram on 10mg but it was that long ago I cant remember ..and in all fairness I was a lot worse when I started them to what I am now...I suppose really tho, if it means i can shake the bubble of terror, ill try anything

[dread]

A quick update....been to tthe doctor and he has taken the decision out of my hands...I feel so relieved! He has signed me off work for 3 weeks, prescribe 20mg citalopram. (Although I can take half because of sideeffects) and requested my mum have me stay with her, which I am.

Im scared of the meds as side effects aare scary but citalopram worked before for me and its only temporary, not the end of the world. Thanks all for your support x

[Floridagirl]

Best wishes x

[nicola1980]

so pleased you got on ok, i also went to stay with my parents whilst i started up meds as my hubby works nights and i was petrified of being on my own plus i needed help lookng after my son in the mornings which was my worst time, just to reassure you ive been on and off cit since i was 18 and im now 32 and its always worked brilliantly up until this time when i tried to reinstate so it can and will work for you second or even third/fourth time around, good luck xxx

[Col]

Hopefully that will relieve the pressure ( being signed off ) and fingers crossed you'll feel better ASAP. Try and rest:cloud9:

[dread]

Thanks guys...I was terrified of taking the Cit tonight, but I took it, washed the pots, played a board game with my mum and her husband, and got her to teach me to knit instead of knot (thats what I call my poor previous attempts..ha)
I felt a bit strange earlier but generally vry calm and relaxed compared to even just an hour before I took it...not the dramatic end-of-the-world scenario I had convinced myself of!

Onwards and upwards we go :)

[Laurenita]

So happy to see that you're feeling positive about your future, Dread :) So proud of you, as always!