very low

[maximus1975]

im slightly confused as to whats going on at the moment with me,usally i only get depressed after a bad bout of anxiety/panic attacks .But at the moment my anxiety is not at 2 high a level but im really really depressed. i went to snooker today with my brother and i was miserable the whole time we were there.
ive just had an argument with my mum as she has just given it the pull yourself together speech, its all very well saying that but she's not got the consistent nasty thoughts coming into head all day long. i think of death way to much ,
i started writing out a will yesterday got half way through it and put it in the bin im 36 and suffering.
i literally have no one to talk to now my mums boyfriend thinks im fine and theres nothing wrong with me which is an absolute joke , he had the day of work today and reported back to my mum that i didnt get out of bed till 9 30 , id love to see him take 45mg of mitrazipine and get up at the crack of dawn .
so mum had a go at me about that i just cant win.
i am not enjoying anything at the moment and yet my anxiety has improved , i worried as my consaltant is reducing my meds and i dread my anxiety rising because of that.
life is just one big struggle why cant i snap out of this depression ? i think of blind people, handicaped people , or people with a terminal illness and think what have i got depressed about ?but i still cant snap out of it

[Thumbelina]

Hi Maximus,
I like your name...
Anx and depression have at least 1/3 of fhe identical symptoms, so you are not necessarily depressed.
Like your family i also have limited underatanding and mainly it consists of snap out of it advices.
You always start overanalysing and apinning in negative thoughts once they start - but dont think they will be forever in your head.
Just try and let those negative thoughts pass by and look at them but try and dont react.
Mortazipine did make me zombie, i took it for 6 m i think 7 y ago
Take care and try to keep your thinking simple...

[BobbyDog]

Make sure you discuss all these worries with your consultant when you see her/him next. Hopefully things will work out with your Mum, she is probably dealing with the situation in the only way she knows how, it doesn't mean that she cares for you any less. As you know if you have never been an anxious/depressed person you will find it hard to understand someone who is - the invisible illness.
One day at a time, just focus on getting yourself better.

[Col]

Maximus :hugs: honestly I couldn't bare to carry on reading your post.....
I got so cross for you when I read your mums partner reported you got out of bed at 9:30:curse:

People have no right to dictate to people when they have no knowledge about it! The pull yourself together thing , look, u don't know me but I can 100% tell you no one ever would have thought of me ' suffering ' with panic / anxiety I used to be like a rock, holding everyone else together always the smiler no matter what larger than life AND now, since I was struck by panic attacks for the first time in feb2011 , NO WAY I could pull myself together! No rational thinking, completely on one , all the time I felt I was seriously loosing my mind as well as everything else!!!!, people who have no experience need to shut up!! Your mums one thing ( maybe just worried ) but then, her partner ' telling tales' he needs to grow up!!! Very narrow minded at the age ~ I presume he is, especially! Just because someone looks OK, doesn't mean that they are!!!!!! Anyway 9:30 hmmmmmmm not exactly that bad a time get up! Just infuriating.
Focus on getting yourself right, instead of dwelling on what people say to you, especially when it's non constructive & makes you feel worse! U need your sleep that's vital at a time like this. Eat well, sleep well and try going for small walks alone, invest your time in something that might make you smile, even if it's playing a game or something. I'm 31 and play on my daughters DS ~ just takes my concentration off me, for a while.

Takecare ( apologies if I come across rude about ur family, it just frustrates me )

[maximus1975]

not at all, im fed up with the whole situation he is always winding her up about me and on a mission to get me kicked out of the house he has been for sometime now, problem is its working as me and mum are falling out now there is so much tension in the house , its making me very depressed i can here him slagging me of from my bedroom , if i had the money id be outta here this afternoon but i dont.
i had a expensive pair of boots for fishing in the shed they have gone missing strangley after he had a big clean up out there he denies throwing them out , but they dont fly into the bin so me and mum fell out about that aswell. everyday its something different him trying to get me into troublethus making me more depressed

[Thumbelina]

Big hugs Maximus!

Oooooooooooo
Ooooooooooooo

[maximus1975]

thankyou im going through a rotten time of it at the mo

[AIVILOESOR]

sounds like you are very discouraged. Start small. make yourself a cup of tea, and enjoy it, then do something else small. little small things can help you face bigger things..

[Col]

Maximus ,I have lived in a hostile environment my hubby is one of 7 and stupidly, I moved in with ' the in laws ' for 5+ years. - we couldn't get out - money!!! WE have now though and by god it's good. So I sympathise, this is difficult people butting in, causing trouble with you , when you have to live under the same roof! I think what makes it worse is when you live with someone whose not connected to you directly but through a family member, like he is to you through your mum! Me and my hubby used to physically fight i was sooo frustrated , because his sisters would slag me of for not getting up at the crack of dawn to cook and clean and I used to have things stolen, makeup etc, it's very soul destroying , very! Another thing , I'm a mother and your mum will realise in time that maybe her partner is creating more of a problem than there is, your her baby, I know your in your 30's , like me but ~ she's making a rod for her own back, seemingly, siding with him. Like AVIL said regarding your depression ,start small. As for him, make a diary of events and incidents and try not to get embroiled in this circle of arguments, with ur mum because of him. Distance yourself , I know that's hard when you live with her but, towards them both don't, tell them how you feel or make them think it's ALL ok, just keep yourself and your stuff as much as you can, to yourself. Then when your ready go out with your mum and take your diary , tell her you heard him slagging you off to her and the rest!!!!JUST A suggestion, just trying to help because I can imagine what your going through with your mum and her partner and you need to get yourself in a better place, right now! Takecare :winks:

[maximus1975]

thankyou guys for the replies im not gunna go down to his level and argue with him in front of mum its just not worth the hassle and im in a no win situation , like u said keep myself to myself but thats not easy as i like to talk to mum about my mental state