I could really do with some advice

[Savannah]

I wasn't sure where to post this as I used to suffer just from health anxiety but I could really do with some advice and support so thought here would be more appropriate with my anxiety being so generalised at the moment.

I am a 33 year old female, married for 13 years with 3 lovely children. I have a happy family life, I couldn't ask for a better husband.

When I was 19 I started with anxiety about health issues and panic attacks, it came on after a nasty flu virus one winter. I lived in a stressful environment, my parents did not get on, there was alot of violence and my Dad would rather be in the pub than at home with us. I had to grow up very quickly being the eldest of 4, I helped my Mum bring up the children and I took got caught up in my parents violence. I knew that was where my anxiety issues came from. Counselling helped alot.

Everything was fine until 8 years ago when I had a misscarriage, I started suffering with severe health anxiety and mild depression. I was put on a tricyclic anti depressant as I had an allergic reaction to an SSRI. It worked well and I was on it for 18 months in total. During this time I had our 3rd child. I weaned off and I was fine. I have had little health anxiety blips here and there but after a course of CBT I have never been too bad.

3 years ago I started with seriously heavy periods which caused me to be terrified each month, I was so scared. After suffering for 3 years and my iron levels taking a battering, this July I took the doctors advice and started the combined pill, it has changed my life and I am so glad I did it. My periods were causing such severe anxiety each month it wasn't nice at all.

In July this year my Nan suddenly passed away, I was always so close to her and had dreaded that day all of my life. I still can't accept she has gone and I am devastated. I cry daily and can't stop thinking about her. I hear her laugh, her voice..... it really tears me apart that she isn't here anymore:weep: I was closer to her than my own Mum, I am not that close to my siblings either so now I am feeling pretty lost and upset. I have close friends, they have been great.

Last summer my brother came to my home and attacked my husband and terrified my 10 year old son. My son has since needed counselling for anxiety, which I am so angry at my brother for. My brother suffers from serious mental health problems, he is a very angry man and aggressive. We used to be so close before he changed. He is in control of what he does, he says he knows what he does is wrong but does it anyway, my GP says he isn't ill he is just a bully and looks for an excuse not to work and abuse people. Maybe he is right. In September this year my brother accused me of talking about him, he has since realised I had not said a thing about him and it was infact his cousin that was discussing with his mother that my brother wasn't working and was ill, etc.... but anyway, my brother chased me in his car, I went to the police station for safety as I knew what he was capable of. He came into the station and went to attack me, shouting, punching the desk and swearing..... he got himself arrested by the police on a public order offence. I was taken into safety and he was also issued with a harrassment warning. I have since blocked him on all social networking sites, changed my number, I avoid him at all costs.

After that day I became very withdrawn, I was afraid going out, very jumpy in shops even with my children with me. I slowly became more and more scared to go out. Then I felt anxiety kicking in, I became anxious about my health a little bit, but mainly just felt butterflies in my tummy alot, twitchy legs and toes alot even when just relaxing watching tv...... Then one day whilst shopping I suddenly had a horrible hot flush in my face and I felt shaky and heart started to race. I thought it was strange but it soon passed. 4 days later it happened again at home, this time the panic attack hit with it and I was hot in my face for about an hour. I became very scared of the heat in my face sensation because whenever it hit my heart raced and I was shaking. I saw my GP and he said it was stress related and it was how my anxiety attacks started. Now I have had anxiety most of my life, I get spaced out a little in shops from time to time, I had panic attacks when I wsa 19 but never have i had a sudden rush of heat to the face like this. I couldn't accept it was anxiety so my GP did bloods, all normal, BP all normal. He said it was anxiety and stress and possibly I was suffering from Rosacea as my face is very dry, red and spotty, always has been but these heat spells are new.

I have noticed in the last 2 weeks when the heat hits it is when I am out of the house in a shop, under pressure sat face to face in a doctors room etc.... surely it is just anxiety, can anyone relate to this problem?

My son was rushed into hospital last Thursday, 2 hours later he had to have an operation. I was so worried, and scared for him. I had to push past my anxiety and go into a big hospital, sit on a hot ward, talk to doctors and nurses. I could feel my face burning at first so I knew it was anxiety causing it . As I got used to being there the heat feeling went and I relaxed, I had no choice as it was our home for a couple of days. Then 2 nights ago my son became unwell and had to see the GP, whilst there another GP walked into the room to see him, he had missed my sons condition earlier last week which could have been very serious if I hadn't have taken him back 2 days later (mum knows best). He was apologising to me, saying how sorry he was for missing it, I told him not to worry and suddenly my face went on fire, I could feel how hot it was and I felt dizzy, shaky etc.... I counted to 10 in my head and it passed. Anxiety???? It has upset me alot. My husband said of course it was anxiety, the doctor had upset me the week before, my son had to go back into hospital..... it was all stressful.

SO basically alot has happened. I saw my GP 2 weeks ago and am due to go back for a check up on the 13th of this month to see how I am feeling. He suggested meds when I last went but I had an allergic reaction to an SSRI 8 years ago so he said he wouldn't want to try and SSRI. I was on Dothiepin/Dosulepin 8 years ago but he said in our health authority they can no longer prescribe it as it has been proven to cause serious heart problems. He doesn't think I am depressed as such but the anxiety of what my brother did to me he thinks has caused my anxiety about leaving the house and when I do go out (I push myself daily and go to shops, Costa etc... but always feel anxious and hot) which in turn is making me feel quite low. Losing my Nan is causing me to cry alot and deep down I am upset about how I have changed and hate feeling anxious about going out, scared of the hot flushing, hate feeling anxious for no reason. I have a good life, wonderful husband and children, I shouldn't be suffering like this:weep:

I have close friends and have told 2 of them how I feel, but I am cutting myself off, I rarely see them at the moment due to the hot flushing and anxiety hitting. I am not that close to my family so I just talk to my husband about it if I can, I find it hard to open up. I am home all day, I work part time from home but lately I have taken a little break. My son needs me right now too as he is recovering.

Sorry I have rambled on. If anyone has any wise words, advice etc...... I would really appreciate it, I feel so alone right now and don't know what to do.:blush:

---------- Post added at 14:54 ---------- Previous post was at 14:51 ----------

I forgot to add. I don't want medication, but is this anxious feeling something that will go away without medication? I feel fluttery in my stomach and legs pretty much all of the time. I keep pushing myself to go out, and I do daily but I always can't wait to get home, it just isn't me, I miss being a shopaholic, my husband is happy though as he is saving a fortune;-)

[missybct]

Hi lovely.

First of all I want to commend you on your courage and bravery. I know you probably think that is a silly thing to say but you've been through so much recently and I think someone should fight your corner. I think you've coped remarkably well in the face of A LOT of stress and uncertainty. So just for a second whilst you read this, give yourself a pat on the back.

I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your Nan. I totally empathise with what you said about dreading it - I have a very real feeling of anxiety surrounding my Mum and what I would do if she passed. I am fortunate that at the moment I have not lost anyone that I rely on heavily and I am very thankful for that, and I want to let you know that it is entirely understandable that you are still grieving for your rock. I'm not sure what resources there are on the internet for bereavement, but it may be worth having a look at some articles on how to deal with it effectively (sorry if that sounds cold, I don't mean it that way) and there may be forums out there such as this where you can chat to people who have been through similar situations.

I am also very sorry about your brothers actions. I think the way you have dealt with it in the best way but I know it doesn't take away the fear. I think a lot of the symptoms you have of anxiety are possibly due to what happened with your brother and feeling like you are always looking over your shoulder. It may be a conscious or subconscious thing. I was attacked severely when I was 15 and I know for a long long time, even though the person who did it was in prison, I looked over my shoulder as he had his fair share of friends who "fought" his corner. He was let out after ten years in May and that period for me was terrible because unfortunately, some people I know in my life know his friends and you know how gossipy Facebook is. Eventually the anxiety became so profound that I had to more or less shut down my profile to those people because I couldn't risk them knowing my movements even though I barely post or "check in" on Facebook.

I am glad your son is improving and again, I think you coped very well. I do not have children so I can't fully understand what goes through your mind in those situations but I can guess it is a very anxious and trying time.

One thing I picked up on was that these anxious feelings and attacks tend to happen when you've left the house. I could never quite figure out why mine were so heightened when I left the house because generally speaking I like being out and about. I reasoned with myself that some of it is due to my attacker being free, but I also think I fear any form of confrontation. Being outside means you are exposed to all different walks of people. I think the fact you are pushing yourself to go out is a really good thing, and I would suggest you carry on doing this. Start off small. I tend to find when I am well, going to the library helps me because it is quiet and there isn't much drama. If you establish a "safe place" (you mentioned Costa - good choice, I used to work there!) spend some time in there until you feel completely comfortable. Some days will be better than others, but try and do it. Avoid places that are heaving with people (not easy this time of year). Another thing I found helpful was driving to a beach or park - we're lucky that we have a wealth of them around here. Even if you're just sitting in your car with a themos flask of tea or coffee, it means you're getting out and about and starting to establish these safe places.

You mentioned that you didn't want medication. Some people rely very heavily on medication and others try and find different means of dealing with anxiety. Both have their merits and work differently. I am someone who relies on medication so I am probably not the best person to advise on non-medication related help, but I'm sure a little look around the internet will yield some results.

It might be worth asking your doctor if there is any courses or groups out there that can deal with anxiety management. They may refer you back for CBT which seems to be the favoured therapy at the moment and I think if they offer you it despite the fact you've had it before, it might be helpful. I saw a therapist for CBT about a phobia five years ago, and I'm going back in January to deal with my anxiety. Whilst the premise of the therapy is the same, it's dealing with different issues and can be applied in different ways.

Another idea is contacting your local MIND - you can find their website by searching for the name and then it'll link to your local office. They offer courses and groups that are designed to help people and I think the majority if not all are free. There may be a little waiting list but it's a step in the right direction.

Be kind to yourself too. Keep talking with your friends even though it's hard. Keep your husband in the loop with how you are doing and encourage him to help you.

I hope some of that has helped a little and sorry for the long post!

[Savannah]

Thank you so much. Your reply has been really helpful and supportive.

I'm going through so much right now. My family showed their true colours when my brother attacked me my sisters and mum all jumped to his defence saying he was ill and it wasn't his fault. They tore my heart apart and since then I feel like the black sheep. They all still see my brother, be nice with him.....I now speak to mum and my sisters as they apologised for their actions because now they can see what he did was wrong and he can't go around behaving like that. He wrote on Facebook he was going to train his dog to kill me, he wrote on Twitter he was going to 'play God with my life' all after he was arrested. I heard of these comments from my mums fiancé, he went mad at my brother. I've now got photo evidence and I will keep them just incase I ever need them. It's very scary though.


It's not the first time he's done this though, he's punched windows at my mums house, infront of all the children, hes had social services onto him for hitting his sons, he's gone to hit his pregnant girlfriend, trashed his house etc.... He's a horrible person:( I'm so glad he's out of our lives but angry he's done this to me and my son:(


Thank you so much. I just don't know if I will get passed this stage in my life, I feel so nervous the last couple if months but I have to keep going, I've no choice, my children keep me going out every day but I'm avoiding certain places and I don't want that affecting their lives.

[Charlee123]

the flutters you have, i have 24 7 and thats my main thing that annoys me because it makes me feel constantly on edge and nervous.
Mine all started after a sickness bug in september. I was fine before then (mild depression) but never suffered anxiety. I am looking for answers too, but my doctor has assured me its just anxiety. Its horrible isnt it x

---------- Post added at 19:47 ---------- Previous post was at 19:47 ----------

also, my childhood was bad, my dad was abussive to me and my mum, beat us, then i became anorexic at 19, i had post natal depression, do you think this is all linked?

[missybct]

You're welcome. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this. We are all on here for a variety of reasons but we have common ground in this fight against this condition.


There is only so many excuses you can give someone. Your brother may very well be ill, but it doesn't excuse the way he has treated you, your family, his children and his girlfriend. Many people suffer from very severe mental illnesses but do not turn into horrible people. I am glad your Mum and sisters have come round to your way of thinking - I guess they feel protective over one of "their own" which is why they may have leap to his defence, but if people refuse to change or accept help then there comes a point where people will just give up. I think you've done the right thing in keeping that evidence; hopefully nothing will come of it but at least it is there if you need it. If he continues to threaten you do not hesitate to contact the police - they take domestic violence seriously despite some of the scare stories you hear, especially if they involve children.

You will get past it. It might be a rocky road and you make take steps back before you take steps forward but if you help yourself and be kind to yourself then you are halfway there. You may always be an anxious person but there are ways and means of dealing with it and not letting it affect your life too greatly. You've coped with so much in such a short time and as I mentioned, I think you are very brave for dealing with it all.

[Savannah]

THank you both. Yes, they are linked I am sure, a rough childhood can affect us badly.

Thanks so much for your support, it means alot. I am finding this period in my life pretty difficult to deal with:-( x

[missybct]

Feel free at any point to PM me. I get notifications to my e-mail which is linked to my phone so if I'm free (most of the time!) I can come online and answer.

[Savannah]

That's very kind of you, thank you x