Irrational guilt

[bubble_fairy]

Hi, I joined this forum because I feel guilt and anxiety over things I don't need to feel bad about.
I'm 23 and in April I had my first panic attack which came out of nowhere. Since then I've felt anxious and nervous - about nothing!!
I started seeing a guy in October and he's so lovely. I work in a pub and 3 weeks ago a guy who I thought was a friend, walked me home. He kissed me on the lips at my door very quickly and at the time I knew it was nothing.
The next day I felt terrible guilt. I told my boyfriend about it and he told me not to worry. For some reason this has become bigger and bigger and I still feel terrible guilt! Ive spoken to my friends and family about it and they all tell me I'm worrying about nothing. The thing I cant seem to explain to them is I know i have nothing to worry about!! But Im obsessed with the feeling that Ive been unfaithful, even though ive told my boyfriend everything!! I really care about my boyfriend and dont want anything to ruin it. Why do I feel this nausia and overwhelming irrational guilt and depression? Please help me.

[nomorepanic]

Hi bubble_fairy

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[Mark13]

Hi bubble_fairy

Welcome to the forum, I'm sure you will find all the support and advice you need on here.

You say you feel guilty but I'm not sure why. You told your boyfriend and presumably he doesn't see it as a big deal. Are you feeling guilty because you have a boyfriend and another man kissed you. Was it just a friendly kiss?

I used to play squash with a married woman (who I worked with) and before she drove home I would always give her a kiss on the lips. It was just an affectionate gesture, nothing more.

Or are you feeling guilty because you believe you "let" him kiss you and you feel he misread signals?

Either way, surely if your boyfriend has no problem with it neither should you.

Believe me I know about guilt, rumination, getting things out of proportion and obsessing over the slightest perceived criticism, so I'm aware that straight talking doesn't always help but the above is meant with the best intentions.

Mark

[bubble_fairy]

Thanks for your reply Mark.
I feel guilty because the more I think about it, the bigger I let it become and it escalates in my mind into 'what ifs'. What if i didnt pull away, what if I lead him on, what if i kissed him back, what if this is unfaithfulness??? I just let my mind run away with me and that bother me a lot. My mind had done this in other situations, its part of having anxiety problems. I need to find a way to be able to move on from obsessive thoughts that dont matter before I drive myself crazy over nothing!!