Elle-Kay
08-12-12, 22:42
Today got off to a good enough start, but on our way back from the supermarket a woman pulled out from a junction without looking, and my husband had to brake hard so we didn't crash. I don't know why, but apart from gasping in shock my first reaction was to reach over from the passenger seat and slam my fist on the horn. This was quite funny I suppose, but her action (and her reaction to the horn, which was to fling abuse at us through the window!) really shook me up, and I've felt really down ever since.
I've sewed a brooch for a friend, and made some cards this evening, but I just don't feel any brighter :( And tomorrow is looking like not being any better, as my parents are going over to Sheffield in the afternoon to see a show, and won't be back until the early hours of Monday. As I've said before, I haven't lived with my parents for 7 years, but I still have this fear that I can't seem to overcome about them going away. I still need them so much, and I'm just terrified that something will happen to them. I feel especially bad this time as I had such a terrible time with my anxiety while they were away on holiday in the Summer, and then when my dad was admitted to hospital when they got back. I'm scared that tomorrow I'll feel that bad again, when I've spent the last several months trying to drag myself up from that place.
I haven't even been able to bring myself to put the Christmas tree up today like I said I would, because my imagination has gone off on one and made me think that it being "properly" Christmas would make something happening to my parents more tragic, and so if I don't put the tree up it isn't "properly" Christmas, and so nothing can happen to them. I know this is insane, but I daren't tempt fate!
I've sewed a brooch for a friend, and made some cards this evening, but I just don't feel any brighter :( And tomorrow is looking like not being any better, as my parents are going over to Sheffield in the afternoon to see a show, and won't be back until the early hours of Monday. As I've said before, I haven't lived with my parents for 7 years, but I still have this fear that I can't seem to overcome about them going away. I still need them so much, and I'm just terrified that something will happen to them. I feel especially bad this time as I had such a terrible time with my anxiety while they were away on holiday in the Summer, and then when my dad was admitted to hospital when they got back. I'm scared that tomorrow I'll feel that bad again, when I've spent the last several months trying to drag myself up from that place.
I haven't even been able to bring myself to put the Christmas tree up today like I said I would, because my imagination has gone off on one and made me think that it being "properly" Christmas would make something happening to my parents more tragic, and so if I don't put the tree up it isn't "properly" Christmas, and so nothing can happen to them. I know this is insane, but I daren't tempt fate!