low mood/anxiety and me

[heyjoe]

Don't know if this is in the right place or not, so thought I'd put it here and if needs be hopefully a mod will move it to the correct place.

I'm on this lovely site in the middle of the night as I can't sleep and I thought I'd pop in and tell my story if thats ok-give you all a bit of background to whats got me the way I am.

I've posted in the introduction section, but felt like sharing more here.
Anyway, I'm currently taking mirtazpine and receiving CBT to help me with low mood/depression/anxiety and self esteem issues. The last 6 months have been the hardest of my life. Looking back, each previous bout of depression seems to have been building towards what happened this year.

This latest bout of medication and therapy came as a result of me going down the beach in June with some pills and alcohol, we know why I was there, but it didn't happen. All I can remember is feeling like a zombie. To this day I have no idea how I drove down there.

This latest episode has been part of an ongoing struggle I have been having, for what I now realise has been many many years. I've tried a few talking therapies which didn't seem to help, and been on fluoxetine-never again, citalopram, and am now on mirtazepine.

I currently having a course of CBT with a practitioner, and I'm finding it very hard going, hard but worth it. It sometimes leaves me an emotional wreck, but maybe thats because I'm hard on myself, and want to do everything right, and worry about it if I don't.

I also have ulcerative coiltis, which is a bowel disease.I've had it for 10 years, at the moment it has been in remission for a couple of years-its controlled with medication.

I'm lucky to have a very supportive and understanding wife, she has the patience of a saint, as i know I'm not easy to live with when I'm in a low mood. She is also the wage earner in the home, as with the issue I have, I struggle to keep a job for more than 6 months at a time. We have a 2 year old Golden Retriever called Oscar who is a furry ball of hyper-active energy.

I'm also lucky to have a brilliant consultant who keeps my colitis at bay, and a lovely doctor and mental health team who are working hard to make me feel better- some days I do, some I don't.

Ok, think I'm going to leave it there for now. Writing this has made me feel a little better.

Thanks for reading this,

Joe

[BobbyDog]

It looks like you are getting all the necessary help you need Joe, I hope things start to get better for you very soon.

Having a dog is great, because it means you have to get out of the house and get some exercise. I know this as I have 2 of them. If I am feeling really anxious I force myself to go for a walk, it gets the endorphin's going. By the time I get back home I am a little more relaxed.

[starlight78]

Hi joe, thanks for your story. It sounds like you are very insightful and are doing all the right things to help yourself.
Sending you lots of hugs and best wishes x

[Thumbelina]

Hi Joe,
If i were you i would beliee in CBT the most as this is such a good way to talk yourself through, it helps to get another perception of things. When we are thinking all sorts of things we cant control sometimes where our mind wonders off, and when we are talking - we can say things that are more ration in response to irrational thoughts and this changes thinking patterns.
The medications also should help if you take any.
You are lucky that you have such and understanind wife,dont forget to praise her daily for that.
You are going to get through this at your own speed.
Take care