Hoping to find support

[ABantum]

Hi all,

I've been suffering from depression for about 10 years but in the last 5 years I have suffered from panic attacks. I have been on medication which seemed to work but lately I've been feeling the panic set back in and I don't know why.

I did start a new job on the 13th Nov which requires me to travel by train a lot and I think that this is what set it off. I could feel the panic setting in days before I would have a meeting which required me to travel and now I think it has put me in a permanent state of panic.

My partner has been really supportive of me however I think that his patience is starting to waver. I have been sick off work for a few days and now I am dreading going back. But obviously I have to go back to pay for the bills otherwise we would loose the house. But part of me doesn't even care. I have spent the past few days led in bed and fearing the moment when I have to go back to work. My colleagues have been genuine in hoping that I get better soon, but they don't know about my problems. Part of me wishes that I could be locked up so I never have to face the world again!!

I can't go on my life like this. I would give anything to be back the way I used to be before the depression and the panic attacks.

How am I supposed to face the world? I'm scared that I'm going to pass out everytime I stand up? I haven't been outside for days?

Everything is spiralling out of control.

Please help!!

[Cocomademoiselle]

Hi there,

I think maybe the new job stressor has maybe set it off again. Are you liking your new job apart from the travelling ?

What medication are you taking ?

Sorry that you are suffering so much, if your not going to work tomorrow could you set yourself a small task to go for a walk in the fresh air ? MAKE yourself do that, the longer you leave it the harder it will be. Also maybe you should make an appointment to speak to your doctor.

Its easy to say dont worry about the job, money to pay bills these things will all work themselves out - but I know its easier said than done.

take care

[nomorepanic]

Hi ABantum

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[ABantum]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply it means a lot!!

My new job is OK but I think the pressure of knowing I've got to travel all the time is making me panic all the time which is making me not want to go.

I'm currently on Lofepramine 70mg twice a day but changed from Citalopram in May, and I went to the doctor on Friday and she told me to take Lofepramine 3 times a day instead which I'm a bit reluctant to do. I don't want to pop pills for the rest of my life!

Half of me want to just pack in my job and find something else which isn't going to stress me out, but then what happens if I don't find something??

It's so difficult to get my partner to understand what I'm going through because unless you have suffered yourself then it's hard to understand.

Going for walk tomorrow does sound like a good idea and I will make myself do it even if only around the block; I definitely have become scared to leave the house incase I collapse or faint but I know that's just my mind messing with me.

It's really hard at the moment but speaking to others who suffer as well is bound to help me!! So thank you :)

[Cocomademoiselle]

If you have thoughts about packing the job in then it wont hurt anyway to go for another week and see if you can get through it ? If your prepared to give it up then you have nothing to loose by trying to go in when your ready. I totally understand about not being able to find another job its scary money etc, but you must always put yourself first and your health no job is worth that - but you say the job is ok and the people ? So.......if its the travelling maybe give it another go x

[ABantum]

I think that you're right I need to at least try and stick it out at least I find something else I guess. The people are nice and they have been really kind since I've been sick the past few days.

Sometimes I think that the thought of something is a lot worse than doing it. I will go out for a walk tomorrow and I hope that will get me in the right frame of mind to go back on Tuesday.

Thank you again

[BobbyDog]

I would take the advice of your doctor and increase your medication. Which is worse suffering with anxiety/depression on a daily basis? Or taking tablets?

Try and stick with the new job if you can, look for something else while you are still in employment. It will be very hard to find another position if you choose to leave after such a short period of time.

It is very easy to take on other forms of anxiety being at home all the time, social, agoraphobia etc. Force yourself outside.

[vitabelle]

I know how you feel when you say it has just spiralled out of control. It happens so quickly and all of a sudden you can't leave the house. I sympathise. Stay strong you can do it xx

[ABantum]

Thank you everyone for your support it means a lot. I hope that things will start getting better but I guess I need to just take one day at a time.

I'll keep you posted :)

---------- Post added at 13:25 ---------- Previous post was at 12:02 ----------

I just went for a walk around the block with my dogs and now I'm back I'm shaking and crying, I feel like I can't do this anymore

[Cocomademoiselle]

Bless you. Try again, go outside in the fresh air take it very slowly. You CAN do this. But please also see your doctor x

[Sparkle1984]

Welcome to the forums. :)

If you really don't enjoy your new job and the travelling involved, you could start applying for other jobs in your spare time, and then if you are offered another job you could resign from your current one.

[ABantum]

I went to work today and managed to last the whole day!! There were a couple of times when I felt like just walking out and nearly got teary at lunch time but I just talked myself out of it and tried to think about something else, anything else to take my mind off it and it worked!!

Just need to take one step at a time and keep tellig myself that I can do this!! It's all in my mind, nothing can hurt me.

Thank you again for all your support

[ABantum]

I've been at work all this week and every day is getting better!! Thank you so much for your support :)