Another week of wondering when it will end [Archive]

Annie0904

10-12-12, 12:59

Those of you who read my last post will see what a bad start to the week I had last week. The weekend didn't go too bad even though I couldn't leave the house. My hubby has gone away again this morning until Thursday night and I am really teary again and can't stop shaking. I have had to phone to sort out ESA and they said I may have to attend some meetings. I have also still got to sort out the sickness review I am supposed to go to on Wednesday. My doctor has written a letter to say that I am not well enough to attend it. I don't know why but I have got it into my head that work might phone me and I just feel so scared. I am waiting for my Union to phone back. One thing it said in the letter from work is that in the meeting one of the things they will discuss is how to support me in my recovery! The best thing they can do to support me is leave me alone to recover and not keep contacting me and sending me for meetings!!
I need to go to the post office today but I don't even think I can do that, I am scared I will just burst into tears in the post office.

nicola1980

10-12-12, 13:10

Sending :hugs: :hugs: x x

Annie0904

10-12-12, 14:27

Thank you Nicola xx

swgrl09

10-12-12, 14:38

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this mess. I am sure everything will get sorted out ... just takes time and a lot of effort, which is so hard when dealing with anxiety and depression. Energy to make an effort doesn't come easily during these times. If I could be there to help you I would!

Kimberley456

10-12-12, 14:44

Hi Anne

I no how you feel my boyfriend worked away for 4 days and I was a mess I cried all the time and couldn't eat
If you need to talk I'm here x

Laurenita

10-12-12, 15:07

I'm sorry to hear you're having a bad time again Annie, but remember how positive and happy you were last weekend :) Your boyfriend will be back in no time, and during that time you can give yourself a bit of 'me' time. I want to be there for you like you were for me. Just remember that it will get better, it has before and it will again :) x

Annie0904

10-12-12, 15:42

Thank you everyone, your support means a lot to me. The union have contacted me and they are going to represent me. 2 of my friends turned up this afternoon with Krispie Kreme doughnuts and sandwiches to get me to eat and they also went to the post office with me so that has helped. It is harder when my husband works away in the winter than it is in the summer. (I don't like dark nights!) x

Elle-Kay

10-12-12, 15:50

Sorry I didn't see this earlier Annie; I've been to see my herbalist today. I'm pleased you got out to the post office with the help of your friends, and that your union are going to be supportive. You're also taking the right attitude towards work I think - you're quite right that to support you they need to stop badgering you and try listening to you, Allan and your Dr instead! My hands are freezing so I can't type very well, but we'll all keep you company until Thursday - it will go in no time I'm sure :)

p.s. my mum & dad got home safe & sound last night, and had a wonderful time. I didn't feel as anxious as I thought I would either. Thank-you for your advice & messages though :) x

Annie0904

10-12-12, 16:33

vitabelle

10-12-12, 16:43

what a lovely thing your friends did. just stay positive I know its hard but you can do it and u have all of us x

Annie0904

10-12-12, 16:46

what a lovely thing your friends did. just stay positive I know its hard but you can do it and u have all of us x

They also bought me a mug which says "Do I look like a morning person" :)

Elle-Kay

10-12-12, 16:56

How did your meeting with the herbalist go Leah? I am pleased your parents had a safe and enjoyable trip. My extra 25 mg of medication is really making me drowsy, finding it so hard to get out of bed on a morning. I also had a letter from work today (my friend snatched it out of my hand straight away and opened and read it first!) It says that I am entitled to pay for annual leave so I am pleased I pursued that one!

It went well actually. I was more anxious about the appointment this time for some reason, but my resting pulse has come down again, and according to his scales I've gained 2lbs, so we're both quite pleased that I'm still making progress :)

Good on your friend for taking the work letter! Had they been saying they wouldn't pay your annual leave during your sickness then?!

Annie0904

10-12-12, 17:17

Yes they told me to send sick notes in during the holidays but said I wasn't entitled to holiday at another time or to have those days deducted from my days sickness. ACAS informed me it was against European Legislation. They tried to get out of it but I fought for it and they say they will give me an extra 16 days pay when I return to work or when it comes to the annual leave period which ever is soonest.

Elle-Kay

10-12-12, 17:24

They really are clueless, aren't they!

Sparkle1984

10-12-12, 19:25

Sending you hugs, Annie. :hugs:

It was very kind of your friends to cheer you up by buying you gifts. I love Krispie Kreme donuts but unfortunately it's very difficult to find them here in Norwich! I often buy them when I'm in London though.

I'm certainly not a morning person, so a "Do I look like a morning person?" mug would be a great gift for me too! :roflmao:

almamatters

10-12-12, 19:55

sending :hugs: :hugs: to you Annie xxx

Annie0904

10-12-12, 20:05

Sparkle, I am lucky to have such understanding friends x
Alma hugs back to you for tomorrow, :hugs: will be thinking about you

almamatters

10-12-12, 20:15

Thank you Annie xx

Annie0904

10-12-12, 23:08

Elle-Kay When you say your resting pulse has come down..what is it usually? Mine is always high. My friends was 50 and mine was 90 when we checked and I hadn't moved from the chair for over an hour!

Elle-Kay

10-12-12, 23:41

Martin says I should be aiming for anything between 70 & 80 at my age. My average is around the mid 80s at the moment though. When I first saw him it was 102! lol

panickyme

11-12-12, 00:04

Awww Annie I'm sorry you do not feel again this week. Just keep remembering you have been through so much in the last couple of weeks, and you are still finding the strength, and courage to move on. (good for you :winks:) It is so scarey and exhausting, but you are doing it, you made it to the post office, great job. I am right along side of you today. I even left work early. I am giving myself some credit for even being able to stay in for the morning, after all the horrible feelings. (optical migraine, which really scares me, then after the the eye part (20min.) major migraine, and panic that comes with) but I did it, I said it will pass, and it did, I didn't run out of there and leave all the kids stranded. (which is a good thing) I remained calm, but it's tonight very shaky starting to think the worse, that it wasn't just an optical migraine it has to be something bad. Now I am freaking out to go back to work tomm. UGHHHHHH so you are not alone, those feelings are far from pleasant, so we will ride it out together my friend. We will just say they are mean feelings, and they better go away. Thinking of you, sending you some hugs. :hugs:

AuntieMoosie

11-12-12, 03:50

Aww Annie I'm so sorry you're having a tough week again.

I know it's really hard, but try to hold on to how well you coped last week, that was one really tough and challenging week hun and you got through it and you did so well:D

I hope you can got your work situation sorted too, you just don't need to be having to worry about that on top of everything else.

I'm thinking of you and sending lots of supportive hugs hun:D
:hugs::hugs::hugs:

Annie0904

11-12-12, 10:38

Thank you Debbi and Auntie Moosie :) Debbi I am sorry you are having a bad time this week too. When does your school close for Christmas? xx

---------- Post added at 10:38 ---------- Previous post was at 09:25 ----------

I was going to brave and go out for a walk...got as far as the end of the drive...no my anxiety didn't stop me but the ice did! I nearly ended up on my bum so came back into safety. My neighbour was trying to warn me just as I started to slip...don't want any more broken bones :D

Elle-Kay

11-12-12, 10:45

It's a white-out (frost, not snow) here today too, and I have to drive into town - am already shaking, and haven't even defrosted the car yet!

Annie0904

11-12-12, 11:01

I was supposed to go to the doctors this afternoon for my letter but they said they will email it to me. Take care when you are out Leah. It doesn't even look white here it is just black ice so I wasn't even expecting it especially as the sun is shining. xx

panickyme

11-12-12, 12:10

Annie are you feeling any better today? :) and how did you sleep with your hubby away. I am going to steel your title on this post (when is it going to end) I am up and a nervous wreck I already called work and I am not going in the morning I will do the afternoon, but I don't even know how I am going to manage that feeling like this. This is soooooooooooooo frustrating. (just want to cry my eyeballs out) I wish I had 1 week were I just didn't worry.:mad: Christmas break could not come fast enough!!!!!! I am done next Wednesday until Jan. 3rd. Cant wait!!!!!

Annie0904

11-12-12, 12:20

Aww Debbi, I am so sorry you are feeling like this too :hugs::hugs::hugs:
I have managed to make it downstairs the last few days and have kept myself busy cleaning the kitchen this morning. I know what you mean about having a week without worrying. Will we ever get a break from this? I was awake through the night and felt so drowsy when I woke up this morning but I guess that is the increase in my meds. I hope your day gets better for you. I wish I could come over to help you :bighug1:

panickyme

11-12-12, 12:26

Annie Thank you you are the best even when you are feeling so down, you still stick by me. I'm lucky I have you. I will check in with you tonight, I hope you have a great day.:hugs:

Annie0904

11-12-12, 12:32

Take care Debbi..let me know how your day has gone later :hugs:

Thumbelina

11-12-12, 13:05

Hi Annie,
It is really great that you have people around that can help you and cheer you up! It is such a big difference you can't imagine how hard it is when you don't have one soul around here in strange country that would come themselves to offer help. I had to ask my friends here for help because everybody is too busy with their own problems and wouldnt just pop in randomly. And I couldnt worry my mum thousand miles away as it is too much for them now.
You will be getting much better day after day and let the work things resolve themselves. Just put it mentally outside of your control....
We are looking up to you Annie, you are such a strong character - so keep it up!
Hugs hugs hugs

Annie0904

11-12-12, 13:13

maximus1975

11-12-12, 14:25

ANNIE I NO HOW STRONG YOU ARE its been a few weeks since ive been reading your posts and i feel many things that you do, i almost had an attack at my last stress buster course and there supposse to calm u dow !!!!
i was doing ok until this job offer came to me now im anxious as hell as really i dont think im ready but dont want to turn it down either just cant win with anxiety.
the other night i managed to go fishing with 2 friends without drinking to calm my nerves i was so chuffed , then the nxt day wound right up thinking about this job

Annie0904

11-12-12, 14:34

Maybe you should give the job a go..what is the worst that can happen..you try for a few weeks and it isn't working out so you can give it up. You will hopefully have earned some commission in those few weeks. It may turn out to be just the thing you need but you will never know unless you try it. :D

Elle-Kay

11-12-12, 15:04

I'm home, but what a morning! My car skidded on some black ice at the top of our estate (this didn't bother me - ironically one thing that doesn't scare me is driving, lol), but then the thing in town that I had to do turned into a right mess, and I wasn't able to do it because I didn't have the right form, so I have to go back tomorrow to try again. I could have cried right there in the High Street! I bought myself a Subway lunch to cheer me up though (which was yummy), and thankfully I came home to some good news - my sister has had her offer on a house accepted :)

Annie0904

11-12-12, 15:08

maximus1975

11-12-12, 19:32

JUST TAKE IT EASY ANNIE WHEN WALKING no more broken bones for u, what tablets are u on at the moment

swgrl09

11-12-12, 19:34

They make these shoe attachments ... like grips to keep you from slipping on the ice, a little goofy looking but they work! haha

Annie0904

11-12-12, 19:43

JUST TAKE IT EASY ANNIE WHEN WALKING no more broken bones for u, what tablets are u on at the moment

I am taking 100mg Dosulipin and 5mg chlordiazipoxide. The last thing I want is broken bones my foot is still painful!

---------- Post added at 19:43 ---------- Previous post was at 19:43 ----------

They make these shoe attachments ... like grips to keep you from slipping on the ice, a little goofy looking but they work! haha
I don't care what I look like anymore so long as I am safe! I may look for some.

swgrl09

11-12-12, 19:50

I think the company is called YakTraks

Annie0904

11-12-12, 19:52

I found them on amazon..thank you :)

Elle-Kay

11-12-12, 20:16

I've seen those shoe grip things too - they stock them in our local Asda. They look good, & I might invest in some if we get snow again :)

Annie0904

11-12-12, 20:18

I have just ordered some from Amazon..so nervous now after fracturing my foot.

Elle-Kay

11-12-12, 20:26

I need to go out tomorrow as I will run out of tablets tomorrow so will need to get my prescription. I hope it won't be so icy. I am so scared I will fall and break more bones! A subway lunch sounds good Leah. I did quite well today..a bowl of vegetable soup and a cheese sandwich :). Good news for your sister...when does she plan to move?

Sorry Annie, I forgot to answer this earlier. She isn't sure how long it will all take to go through yet, but at the moment she's hoping for mid-January ish (neither she, nor the vendor have a chain, so it should be relatively simple). It will be her first house (she lives with us at the moment), so she is excited and scared in equal measure :)

Annie0904

11-12-12, 20:30

That is good that there is no chain, hopefully everything will go smoothly. :)

panickyme

11-12-12, 22:27

Annie, are you doing alright tonight? I never made it into work today, and I am so sad. I have to do whatever to get back in there tomorrow, before I let this get to me, and I just quit. Hope you are well.:hugs:

Annie0904

11-12-12, 22:54

I have had quite a good day..have gone all day without crying! I am so sorry you didn't make it to work :( I hope you have a better day tomorrow :hugs::hugs::hugs:

panickyme

11-12-12, 23:29

Thanks Annie, you also! :hugs:

Thumbelina

13-12-12, 02:55

Thumbalina, I really can't imagine how difficult it most be for you in a strange country, I am so fortunate to have a good support network and my heart goes out to those who don't. You have got all of us here on NMP to look out for you though. We should all move to the same place then we can help each other more :) hugs for you :bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:

Thanks Annie,
There is one good side of being totally alone when you are in so much need of help. You learn how to sit down and talk yourself into realising that there is no "special" cure that will suddenly appear, and if you drop nobody might notice for some time, so youneed to help yourself and figure out how to get well. At some point when you think there is no strenght left to battle anything, suddenly this new energy appear.
I guess it is part of our survival skills inbuilt in us....
Thanks for support
Hugs hugs hugs

Annie0904

13-12-12, 11:55

So I just start to feel brighter and I get ANOTHER letter, I have to go for another Occupational Health Assessment on 2nd January. I just had one on 9th November. Now I am going to worry about it all Christmas and New Year!! :weep: Why can't they just believe what my doctor says. As soon as I got the text message this morning I started shaking again.

panickyme

13-12-12, 12:06

Awww Annie try not to let those people get to you. They are not worth it. Don't let them ruin your Christmas, and New year. (just hug that beautiful new kitty of yours) It is going to be alright. Sending you a big hug :bighug1:

Col

13-12-12, 12:10

Annie0904

13-12-12, 12:12

Thanks Debbi, I just get so anxious when I know I have to go somewhere to see someone I don't know. How are you today? x

panickyme

13-12-12, 12:18

I understand, I am the same way. I feel really good today, thank you.(a little stomach ache, but I can deal with that, lol) its not my eyeballs. :wacko: Is it work that keeps sending you these forms? You poor thing, I wish they would just leave you alone. Do you want me to come over there and smack them for you?

Annie0904

13-12-12, 12:27

I would love you to come over and smack them for me Debbi but at the moment \i think my husband might beat you to it! Yes it is work. They made sure I got the message, they text it to me and emailed and said I will also get a letter in the post!
Really pleased you are having a better day, the retail therapy last night must have helped :)

panickyme

13-12-12, 12:46

Lol, yes that's always a good cure. I am so glad for you having such an understanding husband. That helps so much. ( Oh boy! they really do want to make sure you get those messages don't they?) Text back in big bold letters LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!! What do you think about just leaving that job, getting better with no stress, and when you feel up to it, and better, then you look for a nice new job. (I'm going to pack now for the visit to my daughters, (so excited) I will try to check in a some point this weekend to make sure you are alright, but I will be thinking of you. (when I get back I will give you my e-mail) Good luck, and please don't let them upset you, they are really not worth it. Stay strong :hugs:Hug that kitty for me, I am in love with him.

Annie0904

13-12-12, 12:58

Hi Annie, ohh bless I bet your so hacked off & frustrated about the whole occupational health thing, gosh- if it doesnt rain it pours. Can you not try and question this and ask why agin so soon and tell them because of what your already going through, this is doing no favors for your health and is stopping your recovery. You have recently had one???

Take care :flowers:

I have contacted my union rep and left a message on his phone. OH actually said at the last meeting that I shouldn't go back to work for at least 3 months so why should I have another assessment before that time is up?

---------- Post added at 12:58 ---------- Previous post was at 12:56 ----------

Lol, yes that's always a good cure. I am so glad for you having such an understanding husband. That helps so much. ( Oh boy! they really do want to make sure you get those messages don't they?) Text back in big bold letters LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!! What do you think about just leaving that job, getting better with no stress, and when you feel up to it, and better, then you look for a nice new job. (I'm going to pack now for the visit to my daughters, (so excited) I will try to check in a some point this weekend to make sure you are alright, but I will be thinking of you. (when I get back I will give you my e-mail) Good luck, and please don't let them upset you, they are really not worth it. Stay strong :hugs:Hug that kitty for me, I am in love with him.

Have a lovely weekend Debbi. My husband suggested I just leave so that I can get well without the pressure :hugs:

panickyme

13-12-12, 13:08

I'm with hubby leave, and get yourself better. Thank you, you have a great weekend also. (NO WORRIES) Okay? :hugs:

Col

13-12-12, 14:24

Just read Debbie's post above , so funny ~ so much good support on here x ahh Annie ,it's like harassment, they are making sure they contact you, good and proper. Again Debbie's so right, u should have texted back to leave you alone. Listen to your lovely hubby Annie, I think all of this will slow the process of you returning to work, even more than if they'd stop this incessant behavior! Work aren't doing themselves any favors and will end up loosing an asset to their team.
Try not to let this pull you back. Xxx

Annie0904

13-12-12, 14:31

I am trying to calm myself down again, but have given myself a headache. I have made some soaps this morning and managed to cut 2 of my fingers. I have a new set of knives and I think both sides have been sharpened :(

Annie0904

13-12-12, 19:04

The turkey advert has just been on and it reminded me why I was awake half the night (don't you think about daft things in the night!) I was thinking about how expensive my Christmas turkey is, then was thinking what if I can't get back to work because of my anxiety?! Then this is where it gets weird...I thought "I could breed turkeys" Then that sent me into a panic thinking I won't be able to cope with all those gobbling turkeys when they are still alive!! :scared15: It seemed so real after that and I was actually getting anxious about working with turkeys :roflmao: Okay..I know what you are thinking...Annie has really lost the plot now!

Thumbelina

14-12-12, 04:40

:):D:yesyes:
You are very funny Annie...
I like you thinking patterns...
Its very logical though...the turkey farm plan...

MelinaJane

14-12-12, 11:47

Annie I can sympathise with the nightmare that is the occupational health department! I worked for local government when I first went sick and they wanted me to travel 30 miles to have a meeting with them when the whole reason I was off work was because I couldn't leave the house!! After 6 months they made me "redundant" which was horrific but am so glad to not have to answer to them anymore. I say quit work and go with the turkeys!!:yesyes:

Annie0904

14-12-12, 12:15

Magic

14-12-12, 16:03

Annie,
So glad you are in a union, if your works no longer want you perhaps they could get
you a good package---presuming works don't want you.
14years is a long time to work in a job they should give you a gold watch or
something for the good work you have done over the years.
When i was working i had time off with anxiety,but my boss had never heard
of such a thing, all i got was when are you going to pull yourself together :hugs:

Annie0904

14-12-12, 18:41

My managers don't have any understanding of anxiety and just want me back at work so I am pleased the union are fighting my case for me. x

---------- Post added at 18:41 ---------- Previous post was at 18:04 ----------

Can you believe I have just tripped over on my injured foot, bent back my big toe and broke part of the nail off!! It is now bruised and hurting even more! What have I done to deserve this?!

MelinaJane

14-12-12, 19:16

I am seriously thinking of turkeys...my cats would love them :roflmao: The Union have been to see me today and think that work will want me to leave and have discussed different routes to do this. Actually since he said that i think I feel a bit relieved. Sad though that I have worked there for 14 years, always met my targets and done over and beyond what is in my job description and then as soon as they think I need long term sick they may want to get rid of me..oh well if they do..it is their loss!!

You've definitely got the right attitude towards it all - when it comes down to it most employers don't mind you working your butt off for them but this means nothing when you need some time and a little support from them! Glad you've got the support from a Union - wish I had opted for this when I was working and they might not have gotten away with the 'redundancy' excuse!

---------- Post added at 19:16 ---------- Previous post was at 19:14 ----------

][/COLOR]Can you believe I have just tripped over on my injured foot, bent back my big toe and broke part of the nail off!! It is now bruised and hurting even more! What have I done to deserve this?!

Owwwwww!! :doh: Feel better big toe!!

Annie0904

14-12-12, 19:26

I think I would be much safer just staying in bed but maybe then the ceiling would collapse on me!! I said to my counsellor that I must have done something bad in my past live to deserve all this...she told me not to start thinking about my past life when I have had so much happening in this one :D