YoJuan
10-12-12, 15:00
Hi,
I'm new to these forums. First day as a member - although not my first visit. So Hi! Before I start, can I say how good it is to be able to come to a public place and find support from strangers, and hopefully be able to give the same back. As lonely as anxiety is, I'm sure these forums do much to counter that and for that I am genuinely grateful.
So naturally, as I'm sure is the same for a lot of people here, I first came across these forums after googling my symptoms and finding that along with a whole host of horrible diseases and disorders listed on multiple websites (which I tended to pay more attention to) anxiety (specifically health) seemed to pop up as the reason for the strange goings on that my body seemed to be so committed to producing.
Since then, I've been battling hard with the implications of this new addition to my life, but I'm taking steps to tame the beast. CBT, Citalopram today (though not taken yet - 10 mg), Sinus medication for the head and sinus pressure and hopefully an action which will hopefully allow for me to finally come to terms with the fact that there is no serious health problem and instead I've been suffering health anxiety (at least if the results comes back clear) a CT scan in 3/4 weeks time.
But, I'm a firm believer in community, and so getting to know a few of you, in my mind can only be a good thing since going through things with people is a massive boost and encouragement to us all. So here's my story, all 6/7 weeks of it...
The context of my story is important, as I'm sure one or two of you will be able to point out - as that's where often it all begins... the trigger moment.
So about 6/7 weeks ago, sat in my room late one Sunday evening, after a long day sprawled out on my bed playing the usual console game trying my best to recover from two nights of partying prior, I began to feel a strange alien sensation in my chest. I saw this sensation as the same as someone who might hear a noise in the night and think instead of the innocent housecat that it was instead a burglar and not welcome! My body reacted, my first ever panic attack - awful!
I rushed myself to A & E where I was dealt with by an abrupt nurse who told me my heart was fine and that I was perhaps a little bit stressed. Absurd I thought! Questioning her ability, I left and tried my best to settle at home, knowing full well in the morning (if I was still alive) that I would go to my GP. So, I did, and again, "its just normal bodily pain, and you became worries, its okay to be worries, but I can assure you, you're ok". So that was the verdict.
A little more relieved but no less shaken up, I made for home and began to pack for a trip with friends and my girlfriend to Berlin that was to happen the next day. We planned to party and party we did, but all the while, I was scared out of my wits that this ever constant chest pain would have its moment any second and then I'd be gone. On the last but one night, I even managed to convince myself that with the presence of this pain and it not being my heart that it must be my lungs, and with the help of a friend who I was with, who'd suffered a collapsed lung, I convinced myself that I'd suffered a spontaneous pneumothorax (a collapsed lung in doctor speak) and made my way quite urgently to a German hospital.
The worst health care I have experienced, honestly, dreadful - and for that reason I wont talk about it. But again the verdict was, your not as you suggest. You are fit and well (after another ECG and an x ray).
So why the chest pain still and why so spontaneous that Sunday? Well may be it was the years of slight anxiety I had when going out partying and taking the occasional upper, thinking may be I'll be that guy who took 'e' and dies and everyone hears about it on the news. And no surprise I felt chest pain after 2 days of partying that first Sunday. And no surprise that I felt it again, whilst partying in the capital of techno and underground music.
You see at this point, this chest pain was a reaction to my anxiousness about having a heart attack, not to be mistaken with chest pain experienced during an actual heart attack. Self fabricated but no less real.
So I got back from Berlin about 6 weeks ago, but the same symptoms continued, had real chest pain and difficulty breathing - and time and time again I found myself rushing for medical help knowing the answer would be "your fine". But it didnt matter I still needed regular reassurance. I've been experiencing regular panic attacks and what's more, lately I've been experiencing a load more horrible symptoms lately: sinus pressure; intense migraines; tingling in hands/feet/back/chest/head - everywhere; violent full body muscle spasmss (which has given rise to worries about brain tumour); eye twitching and shapes in eye; neck pain; clicking in neck and head; its all been driving me mad.
So where I'm at now. I'm in a second week of CBT to help. The docs have done blood tests - all clear. I'm due to go to a CT scan (although doc said outright he would be gob smacked if anything came back as bad) in a few weeks to eliminate any neurological/brain issue. I've just come back from docs and been given meds for sinus pressure, 10mg citalopram for anxiety to cope until CT scan results are back. So just wondering, what are you thoughts?? And what people can advise based on my story and taking citalopram after a short time of health anxiety. Please share your open thoughts?
Oh and p.s. does anybody struggle with the guilt of having their anxiety affect their girlfriend/boyfriend? I feel awful about it since we've only been together a short time, and I feel like now we should really be enjoying our time together instead of me allowing this issue to cloud everything. I know she is there for me, and loves me, and would never leave me over this, but I know its a weight to bear - and that's never something I'd feel happy about being the source of. But the nature of health anxiety is it gives rise to general anxiety about the big things in your life right, and so you find yourself worrying about these things anyway, regardless of the constant reassurance and love your given.
I'm new to these forums. First day as a member - although not my first visit. So Hi! Before I start, can I say how good it is to be able to come to a public place and find support from strangers, and hopefully be able to give the same back. As lonely as anxiety is, I'm sure these forums do much to counter that and for that I am genuinely grateful.
So naturally, as I'm sure is the same for a lot of people here, I first came across these forums after googling my symptoms and finding that along with a whole host of horrible diseases and disorders listed on multiple websites (which I tended to pay more attention to) anxiety (specifically health) seemed to pop up as the reason for the strange goings on that my body seemed to be so committed to producing.
Since then, I've been battling hard with the implications of this new addition to my life, but I'm taking steps to tame the beast. CBT, Citalopram today (though not taken yet - 10 mg), Sinus medication for the head and sinus pressure and hopefully an action which will hopefully allow for me to finally come to terms with the fact that there is no serious health problem and instead I've been suffering health anxiety (at least if the results comes back clear) a CT scan in 3/4 weeks time.
But, I'm a firm believer in community, and so getting to know a few of you, in my mind can only be a good thing since going through things with people is a massive boost and encouragement to us all. So here's my story, all 6/7 weeks of it...
The context of my story is important, as I'm sure one or two of you will be able to point out - as that's where often it all begins... the trigger moment.
So about 6/7 weeks ago, sat in my room late one Sunday evening, after a long day sprawled out on my bed playing the usual console game trying my best to recover from two nights of partying prior, I began to feel a strange alien sensation in my chest. I saw this sensation as the same as someone who might hear a noise in the night and think instead of the innocent housecat that it was instead a burglar and not welcome! My body reacted, my first ever panic attack - awful!
I rushed myself to A & E where I was dealt with by an abrupt nurse who told me my heart was fine and that I was perhaps a little bit stressed. Absurd I thought! Questioning her ability, I left and tried my best to settle at home, knowing full well in the morning (if I was still alive) that I would go to my GP. So, I did, and again, "its just normal bodily pain, and you became worries, its okay to be worries, but I can assure you, you're ok". So that was the verdict.
A little more relieved but no less shaken up, I made for home and began to pack for a trip with friends and my girlfriend to Berlin that was to happen the next day. We planned to party and party we did, but all the while, I was scared out of my wits that this ever constant chest pain would have its moment any second and then I'd be gone. On the last but one night, I even managed to convince myself that with the presence of this pain and it not being my heart that it must be my lungs, and with the help of a friend who I was with, who'd suffered a collapsed lung, I convinced myself that I'd suffered a spontaneous pneumothorax (a collapsed lung in doctor speak) and made my way quite urgently to a German hospital.
The worst health care I have experienced, honestly, dreadful - and for that reason I wont talk about it. But again the verdict was, your not as you suggest. You are fit and well (after another ECG and an x ray).
So why the chest pain still and why so spontaneous that Sunday? Well may be it was the years of slight anxiety I had when going out partying and taking the occasional upper, thinking may be I'll be that guy who took 'e' and dies and everyone hears about it on the news. And no surprise I felt chest pain after 2 days of partying that first Sunday. And no surprise that I felt it again, whilst partying in the capital of techno and underground music.
You see at this point, this chest pain was a reaction to my anxiousness about having a heart attack, not to be mistaken with chest pain experienced during an actual heart attack. Self fabricated but no less real.
So I got back from Berlin about 6 weeks ago, but the same symptoms continued, had real chest pain and difficulty breathing - and time and time again I found myself rushing for medical help knowing the answer would be "your fine". But it didnt matter I still needed regular reassurance. I've been experiencing regular panic attacks and what's more, lately I've been experiencing a load more horrible symptoms lately: sinus pressure; intense migraines; tingling in hands/feet/back/chest/head - everywhere; violent full body muscle spasmss (which has given rise to worries about brain tumour); eye twitching and shapes in eye; neck pain; clicking in neck and head; its all been driving me mad.
So where I'm at now. I'm in a second week of CBT to help. The docs have done blood tests - all clear. I'm due to go to a CT scan (although doc said outright he would be gob smacked if anything came back as bad) in a few weeks to eliminate any neurological/brain issue. I've just come back from docs and been given meds for sinus pressure, 10mg citalopram for anxiety to cope until CT scan results are back. So just wondering, what are you thoughts?? And what people can advise based on my story and taking citalopram after a short time of health anxiety. Please share your open thoughts?
Oh and p.s. does anybody struggle with the guilt of having their anxiety affect their girlfriend/boyfriend? I feel awful about it since we've only been together a short time, and I feel like now we should really be enjoying our time together instead of me allowing this issue to cloud everything. I know she is there for me, and loves me, and would never leave me over this, but I know its a weight to bear - and that's never something I'd feel happy about being the source of. But the nature of health anxiety is it gives rise to general anxiety about the big things in your life right, and so you find yourself worrying about these things anyway, regardless of the constant reassurance and love your given.