Boyfriend with anxiety

[blackandwhitecat]

Hi,
My partner is an anxiety sufferer, and I try to help by finding out as much as I can about his condition. It's hard sometimes when he gets anxious about something and his agitation can lead to arguments. I try really hard not to take things too personally, but I am only human. I'm understanding a lot more these days and we do talk about things that trigger him.

One symptom that I'd be really glad to hear from people about is one that causes him the most distress, and something he won't mention to his therapist. It involves intrusive, disturbing thoughts. He has things pop into his head that really freak him out. I tell him every time that it's just passing thoughts, everyone gets them from time to time, he is more than his thoughts and so on. One line of these thoughts basically results in a phobia of children. He is very afraid, whenever children are about, that he is going to cause them some kind of harm. I know him well and know that this would never become a reality, but the strong judgmental voices in his head tell him what a bad person he is.

It does affect what we do and where we go, because any social, family event is likely to become stressful at some time.

This seems like a really good forum and I'd be really grateful to hear from anyone with any reflections on anything I've said.

[nomorepanic]

Hi blackandwhitecat

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[Laura1989]

Hi welcome to the forum. You are doing the best thing in seeking help for yourself as well as him, as it is a big strain on you too!! Massive kudos for sticking with him and wanting to help him :) :)

I totally understand where you are coming from, I had to deal with the same thing with my ex boyfriend for 3 and a half years. He had severe depression and anxiety which also affected social events and family relations.

I wish I had found this site then and not after when we split up and I then needed anti depressants and help myself to deal with what happened.

If you need anything, don't hesitate to PM. I have been in your situation and can offer help and support from someone who understands. Or I can just be an ear to listen! I found talking to people really helped!

Laura x

[panickyme]

Good for you, for being so thoughtful, and patient with him. You are just what he needs, if you have time read some of the articles on the left, maybe they will help you to understand him more. Again great job for sticking by him, he needs support, and keep reminding him that they are just thoughts. Does he receive any kind of counseling? I wish you both well. :hugs:

[Mark13]

You've done a wonderful thing for him, registering here and wanting to know more about his condition and how you can help him.

I don't have intrusive thoughts, but I'm certain there'll be many members here who will help and support you.

Welcome to the forum.

Mark

[blackandwhitecat]

Thanks for the replies and support - I just logged on again and realised I'd had some responses (didn't have notifications selected). It's great to have found such and active community, and UK mainly, too. :D

[Sparkle1984]

Welcome to the forums. I'd recommend telling your boyfriend about this place - I'm sure he'd find it helpful to speak with fellow sufferers. :)

[Alanis]

Hi blackandwhitecat,

welcome and great that you're taking your boyfriend's anxieties so seriously.

I am no expert, medical or otherwise, but I used to have a friend who had similar symptoms. He'd, for example, see someone walk their dog and start thinking: "kick the dog, kick the dog, kick the dog", in a mantra. These thoughts would persist for a long time afterwards. He wasn't sadistic or anything, actually he quite liked dogs, so it was quite puzzling. He was diagnosed with a severe case of obsessive compulsive syndrome, and prescribed medication for the problem, which was of great help to him.

Again, maybe this isn't the same issue at all with your boyfriend, I would hate to be presumptuous, but it might do good for your boyfriend if he could mention it to his therapist? :)

[blackandwhitecat]

Thanks for the replies - I told him about this forum and he's had a look, It may take a while for it to sink in and I must just let go and let him find his own way into it by himself!

What you describe about the dog is very much the same kind of thing that he has, so thanks for that. I think a lot of the distress with these intrusive thoughts is the feeling of being the only one who has ever thought such a thing and the fear and shame of that. As an observer I can see that everyone has the occasional passing weird thought, but without latching on to it, it will fall away again. I think perhaps the mind just "tries things on for size" out of curiosity or assessing all possibilities in a situation - which would be evolutionarily useful as a survival strategy. The latching on of an obsession to that thought is an awful kind of suffering and I often wish I had some magic way to break the cycle for my bf.

[Alanis]

Definitely! The worst is when you feel like you're the only person in the world suffering with a particular thing. Once you start looking for the queues, turns out that way more people than you could ever imagine are going through the same things! I was going to post a link to wikipedia about obsessive compulsive disorder, but apparently I haven't posted enough yet to have earned the privilege. :D Naturally, wikipedia shouldn't be considered a medical guideline to anything, but if your boyfriend can identify with some of the issues, he might not feel so bad about talking about them with his therapist. :hugs:.

[blackandwhitecat]

I was going to post a link to wikipedia about obsessive compulsive disorder, but apparently I haven't posted enough yet to have earned the privilege.

Thanks Alanis! I looked up the Wikipedia page anyway! Very good article, very useful. Great to have your support. :yesyes: