Savannah
11-12-12, 14:51
My family for a very long time have been hard work. My mum visits once a week because I pick her up, she comes for tea. If I didn't pick her up she wouldn't call to see us or ring. If she doesn't hear from me for days or a week + she will just ask my sister if I am in a mood with her.
My sisters are close, we get on but they only want me if they want something or some support.
I am 33, the eldest of 4. My parents divorced when I was 21. My childhood was not easy, growing up with a father that prefered to be in the pub, and my parents argued non stop. I had to grow up very quickly and my mum will admit I helped bring my siblings up.
8 years ago I suffered severe anxiety, my mum and I were very close at the time and she supported me alot, which I believe did aid my recovery. Recently my anxiety has crept in and I feel really low. I lost my Nan in July, very sudden and I am not at all over losing her. Then in September my brother attacked me, he has serious anger issues and mental health problems. The day it happened my family cut me off, my sisters fell out with me and my mum took his side at first saying he is ill and they were angry because he got himself arrested. He attacked me infront of police so they arrested him on a public order. Since this day I have had nothing more to do with him or his family. He is 31 years old, he smashes his home up, hurts his children, his fiancee, he has damaged my mums house, threatened people, he last year hit my husband and terrified my 10 year old son, and my 2 other children but thankfully they didn't see too much. He damaged our property and threatened to beat me up. He suffers severe paranoia.
Anyway, my mum saw sense thanks to her fiance, and she realised he was totally in the wrong as my brother admitted he is in control of what he does and just wants to take his anger out on someone, usually me. She knows I won't ever forgive him and she understands.
In recent weeks since the attack I have become slightly agoraphobic, I struggle to go out and feel panicky in shops, aswell as other places. It isn't easy for me and I feel very on edge even at home. My anxiety has hit full on just like it did 8 years ago. I have always had health anxiety but this is something far worse, I have never been scared to go out:-(
I told my mum how I felt, she seemed concerned. I told her I felt shut out, like the black sheep of the family, that noone cared about me not even my mum. She said she did, yet she never calls to see if I am ok or come to see me. Today she was supposed to come for tea, the only day I see her yet my sister text saying mum was now baby sitting her son for her. Mum didn't even call me to let me know.
I called my Mum Sunday to tell her I had been shopping in 4 shops and got through it, told her I had been scared but was so proud of myself. She just said 'Oh good', and I could tell it hurt her to even say that.
When she is here for tea she is supportive and nice but the moment she leaves here I don't hear from her and when I do call there is just no love or affection. She has been this way most of my adult life, and she treats my sisters the same, but my brother is golden boy, can do no wrong.
I realised today that half the reason I feel so bad recently, is that I feel my own mother doesn't care, and it hurts so much. I have 3 children and if my daughter told me she was anxious, scared and was worried she was agoraphobic then I would call her daily, go to see her to help her get over it, support her in any way I could to make her feel better. Why on earth isn't my mother like that??:weep:
My husband said to me today that I have to realise that she and my family cause me to feel low, and I keep letting myself get hurt and dissapointed. He said my mum will always put me last, always cancel on me so I have to accept it and just let her come for tea to see the children and not tell her how I feel anymore, just be as cold as she is. I am a nice person though and all I do is crave my mums affection and love, is that wrong of me? My husband says I do too much chasing, and last week I made a real fuss of her on her birthday. I went to Sainsburys with my son to buy her things for a nice lunch, I pushed myself for her yet it's just not appreciated. She says she does like our times together and we get on when together, but I am let down so much, set aside and when I really need her she just doesn't want to be there for me. I do believe that if I knew she was there if I needed her support I would feel so much better, but deep down I feel so alone and it hurts.
I have my wonderful husband, he is my rock as are our 3 children, they are amazing little people. I have a lovely life, I really hate how this anxiety has set in and is ruining my life. It started 6 weeks ago when I suffered a hot flush in the face followed by shakes, heart racing, weak legs...... so a panic attack. Since then I have been scared going out incase I get another hot flush, and I have had a few at home since. I am stuck in a vicious circle of worry, causing the funny turns. My GP has done thryoid and other bloods and says I am fine, it is 'just' an anxiety symptom. He believes my brother hurting me and my family too have caused me to feel so alone and anxious. It isn't nice at all. I have suffered anxiety before but never have I felt scared when out of my house, it is worrying me.
With a family like mine what would you do? do you agree with my husband?
My sisters are close, we get on but they only want me if they want something or some support.
I am 33, the eldest of 4. My parents divorced when I was 21. My childhood was not easy, growing up with a father that prefered to be in the pub, and my parents argued non stop. I had to grow up very quickly and my mum will admit I helped bring my siblings up.
8 years ago I suffered severe anxiety, my mum and I were very close at the time and she supported me alot, which I believe did aid my recovery. Recently my anxiety has crept in and I feel really low. I lost my Nan in July, very sudden and I am not at all over losing her. Then in September my brother attacked me, he has serious anger issues and mental health problems. The day it happened my family cut me off, my sisters fell out with me and my mum took his side at first saying he is ill and they were angry because he got himself arrested. He attacked me infront of police so they arrested him on a public order. Since this day I have had nothing more to do with him or his family. He is 31 years old, he smashes his home up, hurts his children, his fiancee, he has damaged my mums house, threatened people, he last year hit my husband and terrified my 10 year old son, and my 2 other children but thankfully they didn't see too much. He damaged our property and threatened to beat me up. He suffers severe paranoia.
Anyway, my mum saw sense thanks to her fiance, and she realised he was totally in the wrong as my brother admitted he is in control of what he does and just wants to take his anger out on someone, usually me. She knows I won't ever forgive him and she understands.
In recent weeks since the attack I have become slightly agoraphobic, I struggle to go out and feel panicky in shops, aswell as other places. It isn't easy for me and I feel very on edge even at home. My anxiety has hit full on just like it did 8 years ago. I have always had health anxiety but this is something far worse, I have never been scared to go out:-(
I told my mum how I felt, she seemed concerned. I told her I felt shut out, like the black sheep of the family, that noone cared about me not even my mum. She said she did, yet she never calls to see if I am ok or come to see me. Today she was supposed to come for tea, the only day I see her yet my sister text saying mum was now baby sitting her son for her. Mum didn't even call me to let me know.
I called my Mum Sunday to tell her I had been shopping in 4 shops and got through it, told her I had been scared but was so proud of myself. She just said 'Oh good', and I could tell it hurt her to even say that.
When she is here for tea she is supportive and nice but the moment she leaves here I don't hear from her and when I do call there is just no love or affection. She has been this way most of my adult life, and she treats my sisters the same, but my brother is golden boy, can do no wrong.
I realised today that half the reason I feel so bad recently, is that I feel my own mother doesn't care, and it hurts so much. I have 3 children and if my daughter told me she was anxious, scared and was worried she was agoraphobic then I would call her daily, go to see her to help her get over it, support her in any way I could to make her feel better. Why on earth isn't my mother like that??:weep:
My husband said to me today that I have to realise that she and my family cause me to feel low, and I keep letting myself get hurt and dissapointed. He said my mum will always put me last, always cancel on me so I have to accept it and just let her come for tea to see the children and not tell her how I feel anymore, just be as cold as she is. I am a nice person though and all I do is crave my mums affection and love, is that wrong of me? My husband says I do too much chasing, and last week I made a real fuss of her on her birthday. I went to Sainsburys with my son to buy her things for a nice lunch, I pushed myself for her yet it's just not appreciated. She says she does like our times together and we get on when together, but I am let down so much, set aside and when I really need her she just doesn't want to be there for me. I do believe that if I knew she was there if I needed her support I would feel so much better, but deep down I feel so alone and it hurts.
I have my wonderful husband, he is my rock as are our 3 children, they are amazing little people. I have a lovely life, I really hate how this anxiety has set in and is ruining my life. It started 6 weeks ago when I suffered a hot flush in the face followed by shakes, heart racing, weak legs...... so a panic attack. Since then I have been scared going out incase I get another hot flush, and I have had a few at home since. I am stuck in a vicious circle of worry, causing the funny turns. My GP has done thryoid and other bloods and says I am fine, it is 'just' an anxiety symptom. He believes my brother hurting me and my family too have caused me to feel so alone and anxious. It isn't nice at all. I have suffered anxiety before but never have I felt scared when out of my house, it is worrying me.
With a family like mine what would you do? do you agree with my husband?