strengthincharacter!
12-12-12, 17:05
Ok here goes nothing as I make my first attempt to not only step from my comfort zone of allowing the world around me to know my demons, but to also reach out for help.
Panic disorder has been a part of my existence as long as I can remember. I have watched my mother suffer from this depilating condition my entire life. Now at 31 it has become a part of who I am.
Funny thing is I remember always looking at my mother as my hero, yet the burning feeling to never want to be like that. Is this awful, well makes me feel it is, however if you knew why maybe it wouldn’t be. To this day she is confined primarily to her home; she has not drove in almost ten years and has no desire to. As a child we could not stand in a line at the grocery for she would literally hyperventilate from the people. The list goes on and on, and as an adult myself I have now come face to face with the harsh reality of feeling her same fears. Although mine has not taken over my life in the aspect that I cannot be social or drive or leave my home, it has taken over in my relationships with my boyfriend, children, family, work etc. Since my father passed away from cancer in November of 2009 I have experienced such panic attacks that literally leave me shaking, teeth chattering and the feeling as if I am going to die or go crazy.
As a huge stickler on not medicating myself past oblivion I have fought very hard to keep my sanity and get past these attacks. This being said they have now gotten so bad due to my stressful situation I am now going through that I am turning to this page for support and having second thoughts of seeing the doctor again after all. I am curious if any of you experience these the way I do,
Severe shaking, teeth chattering, uncontrollable crying, mind racing thoughts, uncontrollable doubt and fear, chest pain, chest tightening, tingling in my arm, feeling that I can’t take a deep breathe. There are days I feel like I am rushing, as if inside my body is rushing so fast, when really I am in no hurry at all. This all in turn usually comes out in anger. I can’t control my thoughts my doubts when in these attacks happen, I become frustrated and lash out. I eventually run from these doubts and have ruined many relationships in the path. I also experience severe headaches in turn from these. Let me point out one thing though these attacks they literally come on for absolutely no apparent reason. I can be just waking up, playing a game, taking a shower, it does not matter what it is. They are far worse when a situation takes place I have to deal with but they have become so bad that just thinking about one will send me into it.( hints writing this I have been in one since L)
I am a very determined, strong willed person and I refuse to allow anything to take over my life, however experiencing these I can see just how quickly this could become out of control. I would appreciate all the advice, or kind words of hope I can get. Thank you all in advance for taking the time to read my story.
Panic disorder has been a part of my existence as long as I can remember. I have watched my mother suffer from this depilating condition my entire life. Now at 31 it has become a part of who I am.
Funny thing is I remember always looking at my mother as my hero, yet the burning feeling to never want to be like that. Is this awful, well makes me feel it is, however if you knew why maybe it wouldn’t be. To this day she is confined primarily to her home; she has not drove in almost ten years and has no desire to. As a child we could not stand in a line at the grocery for she would literally hyperventilate from the people. The list goes on and on, and as an adult myself I have now come face to face with the harsh reality of feeling her same fears. Although mine has not taken over my life in the aspect that I cannot be social or drive or leave my home, it has taken over in my relationships with my boyfriend, children, family, work etc. Since my father passed away from cancer in November of 2009 I have experienced such panic attacks that literally leave me shaking, teeth chattering and the feeling as if I am going to die or go crazy.
As a huge stickler on not medicating myself past oblivion I have fought very hard to keep my sanity and get past these attacks. This being said they have now gotten so bad due to my stressful situation I am now going through that I am turning to this page for support and having second thoughts of seeing the doctor again after all. I am curious if any of you experience these the way I do,
Severe shaking, teeth chattering, uncontrollable crying, mind racing thoughts, uncontrollable doubt and fear, chest pain, chest tightening, tingling in my arm, feeling that I can’t take a deep breathe. There are days I feel like I am rushing, as if inside my body is rushing so fast, when really I am in no hurry at all. This all in turn usually comes out in anger. I can’t control my thoughts my doubts when in these attacks happen, I become frustrated and lash out. I eventually run from these doubts and have ruined many relationships in the path. I also experience severe headaches in turn from these. Let me point out one thing though these attacks they literally come on for absolutely no apparent reason. I can be just waking up, playing a game, taking a shower, it does not matter what it is. They are far worse when a situation takes place I have to deal with but they have become so bad that just thinking about one will send me into it.( hints writing this I have been in one since L)
I am a very determined, strong willed person and I refuse to allow anything to take over my life, however experiencing these I can see just how quickly this could become out of control. I would appreciate all the advice, or kind words of hope I can get. Thank you all in advance for taking the time to read my story.